We’ve been dating 2 years. It’s actually the longest relationship I have ever been in. I have had serious relationships before but somehow before 2 years they end. Not because of me necessarily but physical distance or working too much. This relationship does not have any of these issues. We moved in together a little quick due to leases ending and housing being so expensive now but it was still a good 9 months of dating before moving in. I feel like we are entering the roommate stage of our relationship and I don’t really know how to handle it. I think it’s ok to have that stage or phase but like the title says I feel like there is just 0 enthusiasm or effort on her end. Maybe that’s just what happens a few years in and I have to learn to be comfortable with the calmness but I don’t quite think it’s that.
I’ll call her when I have time during the day and she puts no effort to have a conversation. It’s like every response she has is either “ok” or “good” like hey babe how’s your day? Good. What did you do today? Nothing. How’s your show? Good. Sometimes she even calls me and then talks like this so saving conversation for when I get home isn’t really the issue.
She doesn’t seem to interested to go out anywhere. We are trying to save money and she has 2 kids so I get preferring to stay home. And that’s totally fine but we never do anything together anymore even at home. We don’t cook together, we don’t watch a movie together, I try to have conversations and I get the brick wall response. She enjoys scrolling on her phone and watching housewives. Which is totally fine but if I could get a little bonding in the mix I would be 1000% more comfortable with all of this. And if you guessed it our sex life is going down too. It’s not terrible at all like once a week but again there’s not much enthusiasm. There’s not much foreplay she’s more like “oh shit it’s been like a week” then basically tells me to just get in there then it’s back to housewives and scrolling. I even insist on giving her a bunch of foreplay or try new sexy things but she just wants missionary and that’s about it. I’m not asking for anything freaky but idk we used to kinda roll around the bed for hours and just play with each other. Idk how to explain it without getting too graphic. I still enjoy our sex and she does too I’m sure of it but it would be nice to see a little more interest in it. I wouldn’t care if it was once a month or every other month if there was some passion and enthusiasm with it.
The worst is when I try and talk about real problems or real things pertaining to our relationship. She just has no interest. But BUT now I am noticing the most words I get out of her is when she is telling me something I have done wrong. I can clean the whole house, wash both cars, put gas in hers, feed the kids, put them to bed, then she goes to grab a fork and one is dirty and she’ll dig into me about it. Idk she picked out the washing machine she wanted i just unloaded the clean dishes no I’m sorry i didn’t inspect everything single one.
All this to say she is not a bad person and she’s also not lazy but even with all of this it would just be nice if she acknowledged it a little and gave me a few words of reassurance. There’s no reassurance and no conversation so I just have no idea what to think or feel. Sometimes I wonder if it’s obvious to her I am trying to hard to fill the silence and that’s putting her off but recently I was giving her space and she came to me telling me I wasn’t giving her enough attention. I thought it was the perfect time to bring some of this up and I just got “no babe everything is fine I’m just tired”.