I feel so horrible and I have no one to talk to but im so in love with my partner. im autistic and I have bdp so its really hard for me to show my feelings. I grew up poorly where no one said I love you and showed love through hateful words and I tried not to do it to my fiancee since I really really love him. we are both young and I know this is stupid but hes literally everything I want in a person and myself. he also has issues and we both cant communicate so right now it went down south between both of our issues and he doesn't know if he can still date me but I can tell he does. I just didnt want to be vulnerable with him and him leave me for being too clingy or weird. hes everything I want though and im trying my best to fix things with him. I made some mistakes and he couldnt properly communicate with me and it hurts both of us so much but recently I saw a therapist behind his back. im currently learning how to communicate and control my feelings better for him but he wont listen and believe me. I pray everyday that he trusts me this last time so we can work things out. I never wanted to hurt him. hes the type of guy that idk if I wanna be him, be with him, or in him yk? hes my favorite i love everything he does. I grew up Christian and Buddhist but stopped practicing when I was a teen but Im trying to get back into my Christian side. ik thats not super related but hes a Christian and wants to be more into his faith and believes our goals and faiths are different but it isnt true. idk what to do ugh.