CONTEXT

  1. I don't want to hear that because we're teenagers that we're not meant to last or it's a starter relationship

  2. I'll provide context before my question

  3. Pardon my grammar and flow Im extremely frantic and desperate on how to fix this!

My boyfriend (19M) and I (18F) have been together for almost 2 years but have know each other for nearly 3. As we are young, we were each others first everything. First relationship, first kiss, first date, literally everything.

For a 19 year old he is an extremely rare find. Goes out partying and enjoys raves/clubs just like me and when we're not doing that stuff together he respects me and I trust him. He's extremely smart, leaving school with straight A's and now studies Engineering. He has always treated me well and given me the world. He's everything I've ever wanted.

However, recently I feel like our relationship is fizzling out. I am understanding and I respect he has an extremely busy schedule. He attends university 5 days a week, works a part time job, and plays football. But here's the thing (or two things)…

So do I. Im also in university, working a part time job and compete competitively in swimming but I always give him as much time as possible. I don't feel Im receiving the same level of effort back. The second thing is he's second year at uni and I've been in a relationship with him since he was in school. It's the exact same schedule as last year in terms of time in university during the day and it's still uni, work and football. But the effort has taken a drastic fall. He still treats me with respect and love but I get maybe a text every 2 hours and our conversations are so boring. can't even have a conversation at all because every reply comes an hour later. I see him once a week when I used to see him maybe 3 times a week last year. It's not the time together that matters, but I do feel like less of a priority. I understand but it still really hurts and I miss when he put me first. He put me first last year and still completed and passed first year with no resits and over 80% in all his exams so why now am I less important. His football games are Friday nights. Thursday nights used to be the only night we were both free. He has training on Mondays and Wednesdays, and I have training on Tuesdays and Fridays. So he used to stay at mine and we'd go to uni together on Friday mornings. But now he says cause he has to wake up early on Friday morning when he's at mine he's too tired to play his games? For reference I live an hour away from uni while he lives 30 mins away. It feels like he's telling me Im not worth it. Even on weekends, we work Saturdays and Sundays so if he stays over one of us has to leave in the morning early. We are very limited on our time together from our busy schedules. I understand that I was still in high school last year so my days were 9am until 3pm Monday to Friday so there was more time but now he's 9am til 4pm and Im mixed in times (10am to 5pm most days sometimes even finishing at 6pm). Then we have work or sports after wards. I know it's difficult. However, I put my everything into texting him, suggesting we play video games on call on Thursday nights instead of him staying over. Im trying to accommodate to him. He is not trying for me.

It's extremely difficult for me but I've started matching his energy. It feels toxic but I need him to realise how bad it feels to have no effort and become 4th choice to everything in life. I love him so much. I've loved him since I was 16 and I've never felt like I do for anyone but him. And I know him, he's my best friend so I know he loves me. We went to his cousins wedding last month and he kept saying he couldn't wait for it to be us. I don't want us to end but his lack of effort hurts. I have brought it up to him and he kinda just apologised (genuinely not passively) but chopped it up to being busy. WE HAVE THE SAME SCHEDULE but I try so hard. Im continuing to show him how isolating and hurtful it is by matching his energy and effort. It's hard but I feel like it's the only way for him to understand how I feel.

I'm also extremely anxious about his lack in effort being linked to my change in appearance. When he met me I was in the middle of an eating disorder and dropped weight continuously throughout our relationship. Until February 2025, when I began recovery. Since then my recovery was successful but I have put on more weight than I intended too and feel extremely insecure about it. I'm anxious about it and if it'll make him leave. It's gotten to the point where I'm slowly relapsing because that sick part in my mind is telling me if I'm skinny again he'll start making me feel wanted again. He's never given me a reason to believe this and has continuously said I'm beautiful and don't need to lose weight again and he'd rather I was healthy than slowly kill myself like he feared I was when I was sick. It's all so stressful and on top of my uni work, job and sport. I don't want to stress about my relationship that was so perfect until a few weeks ago. I really want the old us back.

So Im asking. Is the relationship actually fizzling out or is it just all in my mind?


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