Hi everyone! This is an update to this post. You can see the comments there, but as the post itself is deleted, here is a link to the screenshot. To everyone saying stuff like "I knew she wouldn't leave him" or pushing me for an update: I told y'all I'd take my time lol.
Long story short, my husband and I are officially over. I won't go into too many details, but there were things I needed to do before getting to this point, and they have now been done. Thank you everyone for the advice given!
Posts require a question, so here's mine: would you stay with someone who cheated on you?
37 comments
No I would not. It would hard to leave. But I’d have to.
Sorry to hear this. I hope you are able to heal. Honestly I want to say I’d leave but I love my husband too much. However I don’t think I’d ever be able to trust him again and I think the paranoia of it happening again would have me spiraling every day that I think the relationship would not survive but I don’t think it would be right away after finding out.
It my #1 rule. You cheat, I’m out. No one more chance, no counseling, just done.
>would you stay with someone who cheated on you?
No. There isn’t any excuse to make me consider staying.
“we’ve been together for 10 years” “we have small children” “so and so told me I’d regret it and I don’t want to prove them right.”
All of those may be true but I’d still leave.
So, did he cheat or…?
Answer, nope. It sounds like you’ve got it figured out now.
I’m glad you did everything you needed to and got out. You’ve got a better life ahead of you now and won’t have to waste your time on someone who didn’t respect your relationship and you as a person. You’re going into the next year lighter than you started this one! Be well. ♥️
Of course he says he didn’t.
His friends have no reason to lie to you And most often friends would tell you the opposite.
If my man’s friends are telling me he cheated, I don’t need to think further about it.
There is an old saying “once a cheater, always a cheater”
And it’s an old saying that has stuck around for a reason, it’s true.
Value yourself more than any other person and you will never even question putting up with such treatment from someone else.
I did, regretted it, never again.
No.
No, I would not stay with a cheater. I’d be so angry and disgusted. And even if I could forgive it, the trust would be gone. What’s the point of a marriage without trust?
I know of 3 couples where one person cheated and was forgiven. In all 3 cases, the guilty party cheated again. No thanks.
I(40M at that time) would have stayed, but my wife(39F at that time) left me. Dragged out things for money and all. The guy she wanted never got divorced from his wife. Would have been so much better to have left back then. Over 20 years later I’m still stupid that way 😔 If knowing what I know now, and had a chance of a do over, maybe I would have left. Maybe 🙂
I’m so glad you took good care of yourself!!! It helps all your family and friends also.
Cheating is an immediate end of the relationship. I have no interest in putting the time and effort into a relationship with someone who would do it.
Hell no I wouldn’t!! Been married 7 years! That’s a dealbreaker
No I wouldn’t because I know myself and I know that I wouldn’t be able to fully forgive because the minute we have an argument I’m bringing it up.
No I would not (and did not) stay. Cheating is not just having sex with someone. It is a conscious choice to lie continuously to someone you are supposed to care for. To spent emotional, physical and (usually) financial resources that are supposed to be reserved for the family/relationship. Cheating is abusive in multiple ways.
The second you cheat, I’m out
The answer is no, no freaking way and here’s why:
Cheating is not a mistake it’s a series of conscious choices.
It’s your partner having his eyes on someone else and loving it.
It’s your partner hiding texts and calls from you.
It’s your partner entertaining the affair and coming back to you acting like everything is normal.
It’s your partner telling you he loves you while he says the same to someone else.
It’s your partner having sex with another woman and putting you at risk while having sex with you.
It’s your partner looking at you loving him and trusting him while he’s playing you..
That’s too much of this and even more that makes me never consider forgiving cheating or staying with a cheater.
Never take back/ stay with a cheater.
Cheating is my deal breaker. I don’t care how much I love him. If he cheats, I’m out.
What exactly took *checks notes* 176 days between posts to get here?
Meaning, now that you know 1) your intuition is spot on, and 2) the tell-tale signs of cheating, and 3) that life does actually go on post divorce or separation….
What could you have told yourself 176 days ago that would have made more of a difference in the outcome?
FWIW, welcome to the worst club ever, and im sorry this happened to you, but I am so impressed with your courage and grit. I know supreme happiness is just around the corner waiting for you.
Sending you hugs!
No, would not stay in a relationship with a partner who cheated on me. I don’t believe “once a cheater, always a cheater” but I do believe that once trust has been broken in a relationship it can’t be repaired to the way it was, so good luck to the cheater to mend their ways in the future but it won’t be with me
Once the trust is broken the marriage is over. You may be able to stay and “patch things up” but every time he’s out that door you’re wondering if he’s cheating or not. You’ll ask him questions. Go through his phone. Hire a PI or start following him. That’s honestly not a life worth living.
Nope. You cheat, you arent trustworthy. No trust, no relationship.
No because I wouldn’t ever trust him again and at that point, there’s no saving the marriage.
I couldn’t stay with someone who cheated. No.
I feel like it’s a pretty clear indication that they have no respect for me. I can’t stay with someone who doesn’t respect me.
I am very proud of you, internet stranger, that you made the best decision for yourself. may thi loser far from you from now on.
NO
I found out in April he’d been cheating on me the whole 8 years we’ve been together. I told him 2 nights ago that I want a divorce.
If more gals would leave, telling men it’s not okay to stray, maybe more would wake up to such horrible behavior once they have taken sacred vows. Too many women aren’t strong enough to leave. No disrespect to those financially dependent. I think many selfish men think she can’t leave, she has no money. So I can cheat all I want.
Oh no
I would NEVER be able to give a second chance to be hurt and humiliated again. So if my partner cheated on me, it would be immediately over. I couldn’t forgive.
Nope. My ex-wife cheated. We divorced. Why stay?
Can I ask Redditors to maybe use a different image sharing website please. Because Imgur isn’t available in some countries so we don’t get to see the images.
To answer your question. No! I did in the past and it destroyed me and my trust. Never again!
I was with my previous partner for 7 years. He cheated around 5ish years into the relationship, I tried to forgive him and make it work, and I would never do it again. It was very much a “set yourself on fire to keep the other warm” kind of thing.
Honestly I’m not even mad about the physical aspect of it, what hurt was the realisation of the utter lack of care on his part.
People who choose to cheat are basically saying to their partner : you don’t matter, and I will do what makes me happy even if it is at your expense. And that’s not an easy place to come back from
To answer your question, my ex-wife cheated on me and I was willing to try and stay if she was willing to work on it. But she put zero effort into fixing our marriage after getting caught, blamed me for her cheating and told me a mere two weeks after catching her that I had to end the “pity party” I was throwing myself because she was over it.
She was shocked when I told her that I was divorcing her, I asked her what did she think would happen after all this and she said she never considered divorce, she really didn’t ever think it would end.
The absolute best part was during the divorce before it was finalized we met up once to discuss some things and she told me she caught her boyfriend having sex with someone else and that “she knows I don’t care and deserve it but she wanted me to know that she knew how it felt to be cheated on”. Like a boyfriend of a couple months is is just like my wife who had been my high school sweetheart cheating on me. Real same.
I would not stay with someone who cheated on me, knowing someone didn’t think about me before they hurt me tells me all I need to know that they don’t truly love me, they probably loved the idea of me, or the comfort of me, but didn’t truly love me…. Don’t stay when they cheat they don’t deeply care like they say.