Hey everyone, I need some honest advice.
I’m 20M and my girlfriend is 23F. We’ve been dating for about a year.
I’m in love with her, she’s also my first love, we connect deeply, talk for hours, and I’ve never felt this way about anyone.
The problem is a mismatch in timing and life plans. She’s 23 and wants to marry young and start a family soon. I’m 20, still in college, and still figuring myself out. By the time I’m even ready to consider marriage, her life plans will likely be so far ahead like waiting for her second child far.
We’ve talked about the future and she’s been very honest about what she wants, but she hasn’t hinted that she’d wait for me or adjust her plans for me,
I feel like even if we keep dating, this timing mismatch will eventually separate us. I love her deeply, but staying together now feels like it splits my energy and slows down my path, because she is also kinda self centered which i don't mind but can sometimes drain my energy which i don't need, especially since I’m graduating next year and then I have a mandatory military year which doesn't help my case
I’m thinking of giving it a month to see if a realistic plan could work, but I’m scared that’s just false hope.
My questions:
- Is it worth trying to find a compromise for this timing mismatch?
- How do I balance loving her with the reality of our life plans if we keep seeing each other?
- Does it make sense to end things now to prevent a bigger heartbreak later and focus on myself more, even though I love her?
TL;DR:
I (20M) love my girlfriend (23F) deeply, but she wants marriage and a family soon while I’m still in college and not ready for that. Mandatory military service and our different timelines make me think this will end eventually. Should I try to find a compromise or end it now before it hurts more?