Hey fellas, my wife and I are recently 30 and realizing that there were a lot of resources about changes from 15-25 years old, but we're not aware of anything about what to expect in the roughly 30-50s range. Also, I've heard 30s are the new 20's in that you're typically more comfortable financially, careers, goals, etc.
What would you tell a young couple who are looking to the future? What are some pitfalls you wish you avoided? Any good books on the subject? Any advice on aging gracefully (less about looks, more about quality of life)?
32 comments
there is a sort of mid-life directional crisis that can hit in your 30s nobody warns you about where it feels like everybody else but you has found their direction, but it’s mostly a good thing and a time for you to really start slowing down and get in touch with who you are and what you really want in a culture that’s often superficial.
hangovers steadily get worse in your 30s and 40s until drinking is no longer tenable for many of us
similarly what you can eat narrows as you get more sensitive to things. You start to get odd injuries from doing nothing and body maintenance becomes more important (yoga, exercise, strength and mobility training).
But yes broadly you start to settle in more comfortably into your authentic self if you’re doing it right. Remember to take care of your teeth.
Take full responsibility for your own well-being. Don’t try to “fix” each other’s problem. Listen with empathy.
I’d say one thing a lot of people in their 20s and early 30s overlook, because old age and retirement still feel so far away, is finances. Get your financial house in order, start thinking about retirement now. You don’t want to find yourself at age 55 or 60 with no retirement, little in the bank, and loads of debt. Also not just retirement, but you never know what life may throw at you, you may need a substantial cushion at some point due to extended illness/injury or job loss.
Also, start doing yearly checkups with your PCP(if you don’t already) and your dentist. Take your health seriously, it can go downhill quickly.
EDIT: I am saying this with the benefit of hindsight. I did not do these things and I am paying for it now. I wish I’d have planned for the future better.
The biggest change in that age range is that *nothing changes unless you want it to.*
Before that, change was sort of inevitable. School. Work. Dating. We’re propelled through life to an extent by outward forces. That ends around 30. Unless you actively combat it, you will stop learning, stop experiencing new things, get bored, and be miserable.
Your first instinct will be to revisit things you enjoyed in youth, but that will make you feel worse. It will only highlight how bored and old you’ve gotten.
You need to do new things – frequently. Every change and expansion in your life will have to be a conscious, planned effort. The only external changes from now on will usually involve death, so don’t let that be all that defines your existence.
Good luck.
Get ready for the quickest 15 years you ever experienced. Seriously time seems to speed up in this age range exponentially. I just turned 46 and it feels like 30 was last week.
IDK, this would be highly variable. I was just starting my career at 30 and my wife was a good 5-6 years into hers. We decided to have kids in our mid 30s so that changed a lot. We both had a lot of career advancement and have made a ton more money from 30-45. We’re both 50 now and have been working in an executive capacity for a long time. It’s not the same as 15-25 where the change just happens because you’re going through school and whatnot. The changes are mostly based on your personal decisions and actions.
If exercise isn’t already a regular part of your life, make it. Needs to be a habit that you will continue to do almost without thinking about it as you age. Many of the health problems of older people start out in your 30’s-40s with bad habits and no exercise. Find something active you enjoy doing and keep doing it regularly, your older body will thank you.
Time spent in the gym is an investment that will pay you back in your 50s and 60s. Stay on top of your health with the PCP and Dentist. Unless you like bypass surgery and strokes /s.
30-45 That is when my wife and I went from a couple to parents raising our kids. Becoming parents and taking on the challenges of raising two humans is such an adventure. Starting family traditions that your children will carry with them forever is so cool. Watching your spouse turn into an amazing mother is breathtaking. Good times for sure.
Your friends will likely spread out or become more sparse.
Your parents and extended relatives will pass away.
Your relationship will deepen and become more rich if you put the effort and attention in.
I wish we budgeted earlier for investments such as emergency fund, house fund and for other things.
Don’t increase your standard of living when your income increases. Reshuffle to those priorities first. Invest more.
Your 30’s are often your most active decade. You have both the physical capability and the mental acuity to push the envelope for 10 years. In my 30’s I had kids, bought and sold two houses, moved cross country twice for job promotions, took on management roles at work and then started my own business. Then your 40’s is when you slowly begin to catch your breath and take advantage of the hard work you did in your 30’s.
Well that’s typical the child raising years, if that’s your plan then it will be the busiest time of your lives but also the most rewarding time of your lives. I don’t think any book will help you because we are all individuals and every relationship is individual, so you kinda just have to figure it out on the fly. The best piece of advice I can give you is to be a little selfish and don’t forget about taking care of yourselves, take the time necessary to stay in shape and be healthy. It’s actually easier to take care of others if you take care of yourself as well.
You’ll wake up one day in your 30’s and realize young adult culture feels as foreign as a country from the otherside of the world.
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Drink lots of water
Eat your vegetables
Have kids if you haven’t and can
Exercise regularly
Read Witness by Whittaker Chambers if you still vote D.
I’d tell them to still go in dates see the world and travel. Eat well and not junk fried foods. Exercise.Try to build connections and community. Those connections lead to resources and job opportunities.
don’t just lift weights. stretch and do cardio.
for most of the rest of your life yoga and swimming will have more of a positive effect on your health than lifting.
a lot of shit
Be really intentional about spending time with your parents and your wife’s parents and any older relatives. You’ll start to hit a stride with finances and career progression and you’ll have disposable income but your time away from responsibilities will be limited. It will feel like there is always next year but suddenly there won’t be a next year.
The number of times I saw my grandparents after 30 was a small handful and then they were gone. And then my wife lost her father.
My 30s were my golden years; old enough to have my head on straight but young enough to do anything I wanted.
Around 37 questions about what might have been started to creep in (this is a common refrain with my peers as well), but the feeling passed by 41ish when I realized that anything done differently would make me someone else, and I was happy being who I am.
My early 40s were about picking up minor inconveniences: I started needing reading glasses, I picked up a shoulder injury that only mostly went away, etc.
I hesitate to give life advice in this range because I feel like it’s the first time people are being who they are. I guess I’d advise just being who you are before you get too old to do all the things that are in you to do.
I realize this is probably a bit vague,.. but one of the things I’ve realized as I’ve gotten older (early 50’s now),.. is that it pays to slow down and think a little bit longer term about decisions or choices you make.
For me, .I remember at younger decades of my life,. I was more impulsive and emotional and decisions I would make (even small ones like what to wear or what to make for lunch or how to clean my apartment etc).. were things I really didn’t even think about or plan in any way.. I would just sort of impulsively do them.
As I’ve gotten into my late 40’s and early 50’s.. I’ve found that slowing down and thinking more (“being intentional”) about how and why and where I do things (even small things).. can have big payoffs.
in my younger days.. I’d say it was common that I would not be thinking more than 24 to 48 hours out. Now into my late 40’s or early 50’s.. a lot of the stuff I do now is stuff I’m thinking about weeks or months in advance. I’m getting more organized. I’m using things like Apple Reminders to plan reminder-dates months or sometimes a year+ in advance.
For me. .I love finding something I did in the past.. and it’s helping me in the future. Anytime I discover something and find myself saying “Wow, past-jmnugent, .you made a smart choice there because it’s helping me, (future-jmnugent) in noticeable ways.”
Whatever exercise you are doing, keep it up. Doesn’t have to be anything special, just try to be consistently active.
Don’t stop dating and become roommates. Get off your damn phone while you are together.
Learn to not give AF. Give each other some grace. Your living space isn’t going to be perfect. Ever. Especially with kids. When you are old and alone. You won’t be thinking. Damn remember when my spouse didn’t pick up his socks. You will wish you spent more time chilling on the couch or going on a walk together.
Prioritize health. One of the best investments you can do. I highly recommend a short stretching routine you do while watching TV. I love YogaBody’s “gravity” stretching that can easily be done while watching TV. Will be amazed how this small change will help you throughout life. All my friends that talk about how old they are and have hurt this and that. Your not old. Your mobility sucks.
Nothing for me probably. I don’t deserve happiness or progress. Living with no ambition atm.
If you don’t have a strong workout habit already establish that ASAP. 3 to 5 times a week strength and cardio.
Stay active, eat healthy. I gained sympathy weight when my wife was pregnant and still have it. The Dad bod is real. If you eat like you are 18 but it all sticks after 25… So when you are 50 its a daunting task to try and lose 50 lb.
Doors start closing, and that isn’t a reflection of your abilities. It’s just an inevitability of time. When you are in high school, college and your 20s, the world is your oyster. But eventually there comes a point where star athletes are younger than you. If you want to retrain for a new career, those 5 years mean you are now starting at the bottom of a field in your mid 40s and may never reach peak income.
I’m not saying it’s a bad thing, but you have to learn to embrace the doors still open to you and not foolishly chase things out of your control.
At 41 to continue to feel myself I am having to do less and less things that are bad for me and more and more things that are good for me.
In your 20s you can stay pretty healthy without doing anything. In your 30s it starts to change. In your 40s, if you’re not actively exercising multiple times a week, your body is going to really go downhill. Lift and run.
In retrospect, age 30-45 is the best time to be productive. You have your health (hopefully), energy, smarts, and more disposable income. Use it wisely to pave the way for a more graceful transition into the last third of your life. You won’t get a do-over, so do it right. Take care of yourself and stick to good health habits. Aging well is heavily influenced by the lifestyle you live in middle-age. Carry as much through as you can.
The second you turn 30, you just explode and it’s all over. For real though, it is going to force you to be more active and take care of yourself. Working out, eating well and not drinking are a good start. It’s not horrible, but if you have bad habits now, they will start to catch up with you in your 30s and 40s, so start good habits as soon as you can.
A lot of people will be in here talking about retirement savings, and yes you should definitely have some kind of plan.
However, there’s no guarantee you will make it that far. These next couple decades could be your last shot to have certain kinds of experiences that you might like to have, like travel for example. Make sure you aren’t so focused on 40 years from now that you don’t make time to enjoy yourself.
30-42 is about the same, 42-45 is when nearly all men have a large shift in how they look and body degradation.
There is a reason why you see a ton of pro athletes playing through their 30s and hardly any older than early 40s. The next major shift in our bodies happens in our 60s.