How do you feel about dating someone who earns less than you?
November 18, 2025
How do you feel about dating someone who earns less than you?
40 comments
I have no problem with it. When living with someone in this situation we split living expenses proportionate to our incomes.
I’m fine with it, as long as he has and can keep a job
The thing with me is the lifestyle difference. I’d like to think that it would work out best with someone with the same “spending ability” or “ability to afford a certain lifestyle”. But you never know who you end up liking.
If I date someone with zero money, then they may feel burdened by my lifestyle or vice versa.
If we earn in the same level(lets say in the $55,000 to $60,000 range with me earning just a bit more), then I don’t see how it would be an issue other than some lame ego thing. So in that sense I don’t “care” if he earns less than me. But the difference between $20,000 and $60,000 will be more clear in terms of what we can afford to do.
I say this as someone without a full time income yet. I earn about as much as a student with a job, and the only reasonable dating option in my opinion is someone who is at the same level for now. Would love to hear about how people at different earning levels make it work.
I have no problem with it. I would be more concerned if he didn’t have a job at all. I used to earn double what he earned, and now I earn next to nothing, but he has the same job. I don’t think at all that I would be happier with a man who earns a lot more but I am not as compatible with.
When I get a job again, I’ll earn more than him. But who is to say that he won’t get a new job or a promotion that puts him at a higher salary?
Not many people have the opportunity to increase their income. I think the important thing is to stay committed during the tough times.
Edited to add things intermittently but the point is still the same
Depends on how much less. I don’t make a lot so anyone making significantly less than I am probably has to live a lifestyle I would not enjoy sharing. But my income is perfectly sufficient to my needs. As long as the person I’m with can cover their part of whatever activities we do (or trade off paying for each other, etc.) that’s totally fine. I don’t need anyone to bankroll me.
Shared effort and fairness is all i care about. Income doesnt matter, podcasts infllate those things because victimization is appeals to the masses.
Can he still do the dishes and give me orgasms and make me feel loved? Then it’s not a problem
It’s very hard to earn less than me but if they did I wouldn’t mind
fine
It’s what I expect.
I dont care at all
[removed]
I’m a high earner, I earn slightly more than my husband and that’s fine.
But if I was earning like 75% more than him… I dunno. I’d like to be with someone who is ambitious and shares financial goals.
I guess if he were hard working and passionate about his job, but was just in an industry where you can’t earn much like working with kids or animals then I’d be ok with it if the passion and drive to always continue to learn and grow we’re still there
I would only date someone in the same tax bracket as myself. It’s a lifestyle and ambition thing for me.
They need to be sort of on par because I like to be able to maintain the lifestyle that I lead (I make a great salary). So I don’t care if they make more or less, but I want them to be able to afford to go on trips with me.
I was married to someone who made at most 50k less than me, but most of that was due to OT, so it was normally close to 30k. I thought nothing of it, and didn’t mind paying more. He complained about resenting the fact that I made more than him when we were in couple’s counseling.
It didnt matter how much they make as long as the effort is there. I fell in love with a hard worker and it didnt even matter how much we had altogether combined it makes life a bit easier when youre not dating in a transactional sense cause it could’ve been worse too. Were willing to be put in a situation that could test us and see how we pull through and we did.
Disposable cash, disposable income and taxable income are all different terms. Someone making les does not imply he has less cash!
To answer your question it would really have to depend on his life circumstances relative to mine. I’m an old woman but I’m not very progessive in my career so a lot of people in my industry make more than me. I also happen to have a mortgage so my cash availability is not a lot … plus I have a very expensive hobby so I pretty much divert everything I earn to it and am therefore not cash rich. I cannot afford fancy dinners at michelin places or travel abroad but I’m relatively ok.
Most of my peers would be able to afford trips abroad and do go abroad. Some paid off their mortgages so they are very comfortable. I have a friend who makes what I do or less but he’s way richer than me beause he has a lot of other investments and ventures that earn him other income. Even though he complains he’s only renting a studio apartment, it’s a studio because he has to live near the beach whereas my place is not near a beach so more affordable!
If I’m just going out with someone I probably don’t care but as long as we can have a comfortable and decent meal and time, it’s all that matters. However I do travel a lot for my hobby and if it’s someone long term, he may not be able to keep up if he cannot afford to travel or he’s not keen on spending his money on it.
And as I mentioned, I’m old. This means I’m used to certain levels of comforts so if I ever do travel, I’m not hacking it in a hostel with 24/7 music or sharing bathrooms with 10 other people; I would pay to have my own room but on the other hand I don’t indulge in pedicures or manicures or facials. I think I’d be more concerned with someone who could afford to keep up with my lifestyle than how much he makes. I have another friend who doesn’t work at all but he just has money since his apartment was bought over by a developer and he gained some cash in that transaction. He’s comfortable but makes absolutely nothing currently!
I’m cool with it. The guy I like makes 1/3 an hour
Earns money through employment, no problem. Earns less because they’re living off the government, different story.
It would depend on the difference and our overall means. My husband currently makes less than I do, but at various stages in our life that hasn’t been the case and it might not be the case forever. I’ll probably end up being the primary earning in our relationship, but he has his own career and contributes meaningfully to our collective wellbeing both by bringing in a steady second income and by taking care of more of the housework.
[removed]
Honestly, it can be tricky if our lifestyle are really different. Like, if I’m used to going out or travelling a lot and they can’t really keep up financially, it could cause some stress or tension. But if we communicate and are on the same page about priorities, it’s definitely manageable.
I used to earn twice what my ex husband earned. It was fine as he worked from home and was around when our son got home from school so saved us other childcare costs.
As long as your overall effort / contribution is equal, money is less of an issue, although a total slob would be a problem.
Can’t imagine dating someone like that though.
My current partner and I earn similar amounts (within £10K of each other) . We each have single account and also a joint account and bills /shared activities come out of that.
IMHO it’s fair to contribute to joint expenses proportional to your take home pay, and then you both have your own money and can be a bit daft sometimes without worrying.
I have not been in this situation, but I would have no problem with is as long as we both lived a lifestyle to which we could equally contribute and had responsible, transparent spending habits and financial goals. The man who starts off making less or more than you could be in a very different situation down the road, whether attributed to his own choices or not. Sometimes one partner makes less but eventually makes more in the long run. In today’s economy, you never know when and if your partner will ever struggle suddenly due to phenomena beyond his control, and having flexibility and understanding among both people is important. I think some cultures still put an emphasis on men needing to pay all or most of the household expenses, but that is gradually changing in various parts of the world as the cost of living increases while wages are not rising enough. All I have ever expected from my husband is that he remain honest, doing his best, responsible and willing to work together regardless of what unavoidable roadblocks come.
It depends on why he earns less.
Does he earn less because he’s in a field he’s passionate about that doesn’t pay well? Fine with me.
Does he earn less because he’s working in a charitable sector? Fine with me.
Does he earn less because he can only work limited hours due to caring duties? Fine with me.
Does he earn less because he’s got zero ambition and has been doing the same job for the same pay for 20 years and just wants to coast through life without ever growing? No. Because that was who I married and I can tell you ladies, it is absolutely no fun being the only one who is walking forward in life while a lump of grump pulls on your arm, dragging you backwards and into debt.
I don’t mind whatsoever as long as they have somewhat of a good work ethic (not workaholic level) and are secure financially
I don’t mind as long as they’re trying
Never
As long as he pays his bills and saves money, I don’t care. It took too long for us women to start earning more than men to feel ashamed.
I used to not have a problem with it at all because true love etc etc but in reality it’s kind of a drag when you want to get a nice hotel room and your partner is always trying to save a couple bucks so tries to convince you to go to a travel lodge. They of course want to split bills or pay for stuff and they have to budget. Another example is they want to get older things (like cars) and fix them when they break down instead of getting a new one which is fine but when multiple things break down simultaneously and they only have so much time to fix or get them fixed you’re like oh my god it’s freezing out and I just want a car with working heated seats and a fridge that doesn’t freeze things in the back!
No. I’ve done it a couple of times, never again. My lifestyle isn’t super extravagant, but I do like convenience and luxury and I work hard to support said lifestyle. Dating outside one’s socioeconomic class is difficult for both parties, and I refuse to do it again.
No, when you then marry and have a baby and have to go back to work with a newborn, hard no.
I am currently earning an income that is higher than most men. As long as they are the same as me, a professional with a good education, and there’s not that much difference, then I’d be okay with it.
The main question is whether he’d be okay with it. That’s usually where the problem is.
My boyfriend is on disability pay. While he does recieve money from the government, it isn’t as much as a minimum wage full-time job would pay. I still love him though, and he will just have to do more house chores when we move in together.
I’ve done it and it didn’t work out, and I don’t want to limit my lifestyle or fund someone else.
I feel sorry because that mf is poor lol. It’s not a dealbreaker but we definitely shouldn’t have kids.
I did; and it worked out. I even married him!
When we met, my husband was between jobs and freelancing as he’d just changed careers after leaving a reasobably well paying job that he didnt enjoy. It was hard to break into his new preferred career, but he kept me updated and I was his cheerleader. A firm months in, he got his first break – albeit in a role that required a ton of commuting and was exhausting.
What I say whenever this comes up is that intent matters. Did i have concerns? Of course. But what allayed them was the fact he had a plan, and wasn’t too proud to consider going back to a friend he hated if it didnt work out. He didn’t ask for a cent; I used to suggest inexpensive date options but he went out of his way to make sure it didn’t feel stingy we did fun things. He covered his mortgage and dealt with his own issues without expecting anyone else to fix it.
Now if he was begging handouts from all his friends and family, wasting time with no actual intention to hold down a job, or just incapable of holding down any kind of work bevause he’s unreliable and antisocial and burns through everyone’s goodwill with drama (ironically, like my BIL) then no. Because that’s a recipe for stress and constant conflict in marriage. Whereas my husband abd I have never had conflict about money bepause we’re on the same page about spending and our goals.
So it’s important that the person earns enough that you can still do stuff that you enjoy, together. It’s also important that of they earn less, they can adjust to being frugal. If a man earns even more than you do, but he’s constantly spending it on gadgets, cars, drink, drugs, womennor whatever…you’re still going to have a gard time. So can he save up for goals? Does he understand his spending limits? You’ll live an easier life with someone of modest income who lives within theor means than a rich person who is constantly spending all their money even when they have none.
And does he see your money as essentially all his to spend on fun? Because nobody wants that.
I think openness is very important- I can’t stand people who are essentially like “you don’t need to tell your partner anything till married!” Because why the fuck would you ever even get married to someone so secretive who clearly isnt a team player abd dorsnt consoder you important enough to talk to?! I feel like both of us being generally open about out plans, limitations, job issues etc early on laid groundwork for our marriage. Trust us built on honesty and engaging with each other.
He’s still in a role that pays less than mine, abd is significantly less stressful, but his job is now very flexible and WFH, which is a blessing as we’re expecting a baby – because it allows him to manage home things for us, especially on the days that my shifts are long and exhausting. And because it will make it much easier to arrange our child care.
Did it once. Got married too. Don’t do it.
It’s a recipe for disaster. And I even brought a kid into it because I didn’t know any better back then. It’s something I will regret every single day of this life.
It would depend how much less. I don’t really make a lot of money so I wouldn’t to date someone who made much less than I do
I do. It’s ok. He still takes us on date or i do. I don’t need a man because i make good money and i’m completly independant financially. We live together and we ger along well. He doesn’t resent me formaking more than him. My ex did and would throw that to my face everytime we had an argument even if it didn’t have anything to do with the subject.
40 comments
I have no problem with it. When living with someone in this situation we split living expenses proportionate to our incomes.
I’m fine with it, as long as he has and can keep a job
The thing with me is the lifestyle difference. I’d like to think that it would work out best with someone with the same “spending ability” or “ability to afford a certain lifestyle”. But you never know who you end up liking.
If I date someone with zero money, then they may feel burdened by my lifestyle or vice versa.
If we earn in the same level(lets say in the $55,000 to $60,000 range with me earning just a bit more), then I don’t see how it would be an issue other than some lame ego thing. So in that sense I don’t “care” if he earns less than me. But the difference between $20,000 and $60,000 will be more clear in terms of what we can afford to do.
I say this as someone without a full time income yet. I earn about as much as a student with a job, and the only reasonable dating option in my opinion is someone who is at the same level for now. Would love to hear about how people at different earning levels make it work.
I have no problem with it. I would be more concerned if he didn’t have a job at all. I used to earn double what he earned, and now I earn next to nothing, but he has the same job. I don’t think at all that I would be happier with a man who earns a lot more but I am not as compatible with.
When I get a job again, I’ll earn more than him. But who is to say that he won’t get a new job or a promotion that puts him at a higher salary?
Not many people have the opportunity to increase their income. I think the important thing is to stay committed during the tough times.
Edited to add things intermittently but the point is still the same
Depends on how much less. I don’t make a lot so anyone making significantly less than I am probably has to live a lifestyle I would not enjoy sharing. But my income is perfectly sufficient to my needs. As long as the person I’m with can cover their part of whatever activities we do (or trade off paying for each other, etc.) that’s totally fine. I don’t need anyone to bankroll me.
Shared effort and fairness is all i care about. Income doesnt matter, podcasts infllate those things because victimization is appeals to the masses.
Can he still do the dishes and give me orgasms and make me feel loved? Then it’s not a problem
It’s very hard to earn less than me but if they did I wouldn’t mind
fine
It’s what I expect.
I dont care at all
[removed]
I’m a high earner, I earn slightly more than my husband and that’s fine.
But if I was earning like 75% more than him… I dunno. I’d like to be with someone who is ambitious and shares financial goals.
I guess if he were hard working and passionate about his job, but was just in an industry where you can’t earn much like working with kids or animals then I’d be ok with it if the passion and drive to always continue to learn and grow we’re still there
I would only date someone in the same tax bracket as myself. It’s a lifestyle and ambition thing for me.
They need to be sort of on par because I like to be able to maintain the lifestyle that I lead (I make a great salary). So I don’t care if they make more or less, but I want them to be able to afford to go on trips with me.
I was married to someone who made at most 50k less than me, but most of that was due to OT, so it was normally close to 30k. I thought nothing of it, and didn’t mind paying more. He complained about resenting the fact that I made more than him when we were in couple’s counseling.
It didnt matter how much they make as long as the effort is there. I fell in love with a hard worker and it didnt even matter how much we had altogether combined it makes life a bit easier when youre not dating in a transactional sense cause it could’ve been worse too. Were willing to be put in a situation that could test us and see how we pull through and we did.
Disposable cash, disposable income and taxable income are all different terms. Someone making les does not imply he has less cash!
To answer your question it would really have to depend on his life circumstances relative to mine. I’m an old woman but I’m not very progessive in my career so a lot of people in my industry make more than me. I also happen to have a mortgage so my cash availability is not a lot … plus I have a very expensive hobby so I pretty much divert everything I earn to it and am therefore not cash rich. I cannot afford fancy dinners at michelin places or travel abroad but I’m relatively ok.
Most of my peers would be able to afford trips abroad and do go abroad. Some paid off their mortgages so they are very comfortable. I have a friend who makes what I do or less but he’s way richer than me beause he has a lot of other investments and ventures that earn him other income. Even though he complains he’s only renting a studio apartment, it’s a studio because he has to live near the beach whereas my place is not near a beach so more affordable!
If I’m just going out with someone I probably don’t care but as long as we can have a comfortable and decent meal and time, it’s all that matters. However I do travel a lot for my hobby and if it’s someone long term, he may not be able to keep up if he cannot afford to travel or he’s not keen on spending his money on it.
And as I mentioned, I’m old. This means I’m used to certain levels of comforts so if I ever do travel, I’m not hacking it in a hostel with 24/7 music or sharing bathrooms with 10 other people; I would pay to have my own room but on the other hand I don’t indulge in pedicures or manicures or facials. I think I’d be more concerned with someone who could afford to keep up with my lifestyle than how much he makes. I have another friend who doesn’t work at all but he just has money since his apartment was bought over by a developer and he gained some cash in that transaction. He’s comfortable but makes absolutely nothing currently!
I’m cool with it. The guy I like makes 1/3 an hour
Earns money through employment, no problem. Earns less because they’re living off the government, different story.
It would depend on the difference and our overall means. My husband currently makes less than I do, but at various stages in our life that hasn’t been the case and it might not be the case forever. I’ll probably end up being the primary earning in our relationship, but he has his own career and contributes meaningfully to our collective wellbeing both by bringing in a steady second income and by taking care of more of the housework.
[removed]
Honestly, it can be tricky if our lifestyle are really different. Like, if I’m used to going out or travelling a lot and they can’t really keep up financially, it could cause some stress or tension. But if we communicate and are on the same page about priorities, it’s definitely manageable.
I used to earn twice what my ex husband earned. It was fine as he worked from home and was around when our son got home from school so saved us other childcare costs.
As long as your overall effort / contribution is equal, money is less of an issue, although a total slob would be a problem.
Can’t imagine dating someone like that though.
My current partner and I earn similar amounts (within £10K of each other) . We each have single account and also a joint account and bills /shared activities come out of that.
IMHO it’s fair to contribute to joint expenses proportional to your take home pay, and then you both have your own money and can be a bit daft sometimes without worrying.
I have not been in this situation, but I would have no problem with is as long as we both lived a lifestyle to which we could equally contribute and had responsible, transparent spending habits and financial goals. The man who starts off making less or more than you could be in a very different situation down the road, whether attributed to his own choices or not. Sometimes one partner makes less but eventually makes more in the long run. In today’s economy, you never know when and if your partner will ever struggle suddenly due to phenomena beyond his control, and having flexibility and understanding among both people is important. I think some cultures still put an emphasis on men needing to pay all or most of the household expenses, but that is gradually changing in various parts of the world as the cost of living increases while wages are not rising enough. All I have ever expected from my husband is that he remain honest, doing his best, responsible and willing to work together regardless of what unavoidable roadblocks come.
It depends on why he earns less.
Does he earn less because he’s in a field he’s passionate about that doesn’t pay well? Fine with me.
Does he earn less because he’s working in a charitable sector? Fine with me.
Does he earn less because he can only work limited hours due to caring duties? Fine with me.
Does he earn less because he’s got zero ambition and has been doing the same job for the same pay for 20 years and just wants to coast through life without ever growing? No. Because that was who I married and I can tell you ladies, it is absolutely no fun being the only one who is walking forward in life while a lump of grump pulls on your arm, dragging you backwards and into debt.
I don’t mind whatsoever as long as they have somewhat of a good work ethic (not workaholic level) and are secure financially
I don’t mind as long as they’re trying
Never
As long as he pays his bills and saves money, I don’t care. It took too long for us women to start earning more than men to feel ashamed.
I used to not have a problem with it at all because true love etc etc but in reality it’s kind of a drag when you want to get a nice hotel room and your partner is always trying to save a couple bucks so tries to convince you to go to a travel lodge. They of course want to split bills or pay for stuff and they have to budget. Another example is they want to get older things (like cars) and fix them when they break down instead of getting a new one which is fine but when multiple things break down simultaneously and they only have so much time to fix or get them fixed you’re like oh my god it’s freezing out and I just want a car with working heated seats and a fridge that doesn’t freeze things in the back!
No. I’ve done it a couple of times, never again. My lifestyle isn’t super extravagant, but I do like convenience and luxury and I work hard to support said lifestyle. Dating outside one’s socioeconomic class is difficult for both parties, and I refuse to do it again.
No, when you then marry and have a baby and have to go back to work with a newborn, hard no.
I am currently earning an income that is higher than most men. As long as they are the same as me, a professional with a good education, and there’s not that much difference, then I’d be okay with it.
The main question is whether he’d be okay with it. That’s usually where the problem is.
My boyfriend is on disability pay. While he does recieve money from the government, it isn’t as much as a minimum wage full-time job would pay. I still love him though, and he will just have to do more house chores when we move in together.
I’ve done it and it didn’t work out, and I don’t want to limit my lifestyle or fund someone else.
I feel sorry because that mf is poor lol. It’s not a dealbreaker but we definitely shouldn’t have kids.
I did; and it worked out. I even married him!
When we met, my husband was between jobs and freelancing as he’d just changed careers after leaving a reasobably well paying job that he didnt enjoy. It was hard to break into his new preferred career, but he kept me updated and I was his cheerleader. A firm months in, he got his first break – albeit in a role that required a ton of commuting and was exhausting.
What I say whenever this comes up is that intent matters. Did i have concerns? Of course. But what allayed them was the fact he had a plan, and wasn’t too proud to consider going back to a friend he hated if it didnt work out. He didn’t ask for a cent; I used to suggest inexpensive date options but he went out of his way to make sure it didn’t feel stingy we did fun things. He covered his mortgage and dealt with his own issues without expecting anyone else to fix it.
Now if he was begging handouts from all his friends and family, wasting time with no actual intention to hold down a job, or just incapable of holding down any kind of work bevause he’s unreliable and antisocial and burns through everyone’s goodwill with drama (ironically, like my BIL) then no. Because that’s a recipe for stress and constant conflict in marriage. Whereas my husband abd I have never had conflict about money bepause we’re on the same page about spending and our goals.
So it’s important that the person earns enough that you can still do stuff that you enjoy, together. It’s also important that of they earn less, they can adjust to being frugal. If a man earns even more than you do, but he’s constantly spending it on gadgets, cars, drink, drugs, womennor whatever…you’re still going to have a gard time. So can he save up for goals? Does he understand his spending limits? You’ll live an easier life with someone of modest income who lives within theor means than a rich person who is constantly spending all their money even when they have none.
And does he see your money as essentially all his to spend on fun? Because nobody wants that.
I think openness is very important- I can’t stand people who are essentially like “you don’t need to tell your partner anything till married!” Because why the fuck would you ever even get married to someone so secretive who clearly isnt a team player abd dorsnt consoder you important enough to talk to?! I feel like both of us being generally open about out plans, limitations, job issues etc early on laid groundwork for our marriage. Trust us built on honesty and engaging with each other.
He’s still in a role that pays less than mine, abd is significantly less stressful, but his job is now very flexible and WFH, which is a blessing as we’re expecting a baby – because it allows him to manage home things for us, especially on the days that my shifts are long and exhausting. And because it will make it much easier to arrange our child care.
Did it once. Got married too. Don’t do it.
It’s a recipe for disaster. And I even brought a kid into it because I didn’t know any better back then. It’s something I will regret every single day of this life.
It would depend how much less. I don’t really make a lot of money so I wouldn’t to date someone who made much less than I do
I do. It’s ok. He still takes us on date or i do. I don’t need a man because i make good money and i’m completly independant financially. We live together and we ger along well. He doesn’t resent me formaking more than him. My ex did and would throw that to my face everytime we had an argument even if it didn’t have anything to do with the subject.