TLDR: My friend of 8 years and I dated for about 5 months and just broke up. He dumped me saying that he wanted to end it now before it got ugly so we could go back to being friends but it seems like he left the ball in my court after I asked for space. When should I reach out again?
Last week, my 33M ex-bf 39M of 5 months decided to end things. We were already friends for 8 years prior to dating so we know each other very well. We didn’t have any romantic connection until June when we hooked up and decided to explore things. One thing we agreed on in the early stages was that if it didn’t work out that we would stay friends. Let’s call him Blake.
Blake and I live in different states and were long distance. Last week I went to his city to visit him and he broke up with me about 4 days into the trip. I looked at earlier flights and asked friends to stay with them but he insisted that I stay with him for the rest of the trip and that he still wanted my company. The next day I had lunch with a mutual friend who I almost always stayed with before Blake and I were dating and he suggested that by staying with Blake it could be a good opportunity to discuss things in depth and get clarity/closure from him so I decided to take Blake up on his offer. It was an emotional week but we still did fun things together with the understanding that we were going to stay friends. We never fought and still acted like a couple in private (cuddled while watching movies, shared a bed, etc.). His reason was basically that he doesn’t trust himself, that he is afraid he’ll hurt me, and that he thinks he can be a better friend than a lover to me. He said he thought he was ready for a relationship and considered moving to my city but that as time went on he realized he has his own issues to work on.
We kissed when he dropped me off at the airport and told me to keep in touch. I get into the terminal and he continues to text me asking how the lounge are, if my flight was delayed, if I am okay, etc. and this is when I started to distance myself from him. I politely told him that I would text him when I was back.
Later that night after I landed I wanted I just said “back in Austin. Hope you have fun on your business trip this week” trying not to draw him into a conversation. Then he texted me saying “I was just about to text you! Glad you made it back. How are you?” I ignored it.
About an hour later, he tries FaceTiming me and I didn’t answer. Then I realized he was probably worried about me and I didn’t want him to worry. So, I called him back and very politely said “Blake, I care about you very much. I would love to stay friends with you. You’re very important to me. Right now I just need a little bit of space. I’m not trying to shut you out of my life but it was a rough trip and I just need some space to decompress right now” he said no worries that he understands and we got off of the phone. Immediately afterwards he texts me and says “I understand what you are saying. Lemme know whenever you are ready.”
It seems like he left the ball in my court which I realize doesn’t often happen to the dumpee, like me. How much time should I give this?