Almost 4 years ago, my husband witnessed one of his closest friends/my cousin die in a motorcycle accident. He was literally holding him as he took his last breath and it was a particularly gory scene. I posted about it in this sub soon after it happened and got so much good advice on ways to help him through it. I immediately scheduled him for counseling and EMDR sessions, he was put on lexapro and propranolol and later gabapentin for panic attacks (he would literally pass out from these randomly) and we later on tried therapeutic ketamine.
When I look back at how bad things were for that first 6 months or so, I can absolutely see the progress he’s made. But it just feels like nothing ever really stuck, if that makes sense. He came off the lexapro because it was dulling everything way too much and he seemed okay after that. But the short temper and panic attacks have never gone away or even really reduced in a meaningful way. The worst of the panic attacks now are while driving especially in the dark, which I think is tied to having to ride his bike home almost 2 hours in the dark after watching his best friend die.
I’ve tried so so hard to connect with him and help him deal with these things and I don’t expect him to be the same person he was before this, that’s just not possible. But it’s absolutely heartbreaking to watch the man I love suffer so deeply. He was always the life of the party, the person who could make anyone laugh. I guess what I’m looking for is anyone who’s been through something similar, what helped? Was there one specific thing that helped you? Or a combination of things?
I know they say time heals, but I feel like time is no longer making a difference and he is so so so frustrated with himself. It’s killing both of us slowly. We’ve been together since high school and we were always that goofy, overly affectionate couple that is friends with everyone. We don’t do anything anymore, we used to have family and friends over every weekend, throwing parties or meeting up with people and now it’s just like this heavy blanket has enveloped us both and we are just going through the motions sometimes. I know he hates this and it compounds his depression. I try to keep a brave face through it all, but I know he can see what it’s done to me and it makes him feel worse. My own depression and anxiety has worsened significantly but I try to keep it hidden as much as I can because I know he can’t deal with it. I love him more than anything in the world and I will never give up on him. I would do anything to make this better.