I (f24) have been in a relationship with my bf (m25) for 4 years. We live together on site at work and he’s planning on proposing (he has a ring). I’m not gonna lie I still love him but there’s no future where we can both be happy. He’s Romanian and he wants to go back to Romania I told him I didn’t want to move to Romania and he understood why. We’ve been trying to look for different jobs and to move somewhere else but we can’t find anything where we can both be happy. It’s obvious he still desperately wants to move to Romania but there’s no life for me there. We just want different things. I’ve never been in a relationship this serious how do I end it with someone I still love?
TL;DR: how do I end a serious relationship with someone I still love?
4 comments
Is that the only problem you guys have? Because to me it seems you’re hiding something. Moving isn’t such a big factor to break up over. Did the love fizzle out? Did you realise maybe you’re not in love anymore? Maybe you don’t feel attraction at all. Moving is a problem which can be solved by talking and searching for alternatives. But with you it seems you’ve come to a dead end with emotions. Think long and hard about it, what is really the reason? Moving isn’t really a problem to breakup over.
P.s. I moved miles and miles away for love, even if i need to drive to work 1,5hours every morning i gladly do, because i feel love, and i have a strong relationship. So “moving” really isn’t a big deal.
Do you have a plan on where you’re going to live after the breakup? If that’s all sorted out, then tell him, you guys are no longer compatible and leave. One thing I’ve learned is that long, drawn out discussions won’t make the breakup easier. Tell him, this relationship cannot continue because there’s no long term viability and leave.
You need to be prepared to go no contact for several weeks or months as well. You wouldn’t seem serious about the breakup if you keep living with him, sleeping with him, or keep talking to him after you end things. Especially if you’re still in love, you guys need to create space and distance to move on.
Be honest, tell him outright that you are unwilling to sacrifice those things and you don’t see a future with him. Go to marriage counseling or couples therapy if you want / believe there is still a wau to salvage the relationship. If you don’t see it happening or being able to fix and don’t want to try, cut the poor guy loose and give yourself some grace along the way.
I will however say, if you are upset with 10% but happy with the 90% and decide to walk away be prepared to lose that 90% of what you love about the relationship. Dating new people will yield different results and different types of relationships. So you may get the 10% you are missing but not necessarily the other 90% as it’s a different person.
It really just sounds like you don’t want to move and he wants to go back to his home country. It isn’t insurmountable, but you both really need to get on the same page if you want this to work out. And if it doesn’t that’s OK too.
Having the difficult conversation is the first step, be honest.