I was wondering because everyone has a breaking point, but some are willing to put with more than others, some don't think certain things are as big of a deal as others do, some overlook things at first because of pretty privilege, meaning they are extremely beautiful/attractive as opposed to just regular good looking, so you really aren't trying to leave them unless they did something totally unforgivable, or unless they truly became insufferable.
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My ex would literally never make decisions about anything. Like we’d stand in front of a restaurant for 20 minutes because she “didn’t care” where we ate but would shoot down every suggestion I made. It was exhausting having to be the decision maker for literally everything from what movie to watch to where we should move together
I stayed way too long because she was genuinely stunning and I thought that somehow made up for the mental exhaustion lmao
My ex would constantly interrupt me mid-sentence and then act like I never said anything at all. Like I’d be telling a story and she’d just start talking about something completely different, then later claim I never told her whatever I was trying to say
I put up with it way longer than I should have because she was genuinely stunning and I was an idiot who thought that made up for basic respect lmao
Frequent negativity, emotional volatility, high anxiety, high neuroticism.
Never again.
My ex would play chess on his phone while he was with me/while i was talking.
Like i get it, you are comfortable just chilling and not having to pay attention to the other person all the time, but CMON BE PRESENT!!!
This wasn’t what broke us up, but it always bothered me that he didn’t like reading. I would devour books, and loved discussing them with others who had read the books. He never read books, so that was something we could never connect on. It made him less attractive to me. That and the fact that he preferred to watch those old MTV spring break specials. Like I would be in the bedroom, reading nonfiction, World War II history books… and he would be watching girls in bikinis. I think I knew deep down he wasn’t the man for me because of that, but I married him anyway. He was handsome, but not THAT handsome.
He wasn’t a thoughtful person. It sounds minor but it came up multiple times a day in different ways. Luckily my husband is the opposite and is endlessly thoughtful and caring.
I loved him. We were together for two decades. Through ups and downs like you wouldn’t believe. He was my rock and I was his.
But his drinking.
He was an alcoholic when we met, but had cold turkey’d it. So it wasn’t really an issue when the beginning stages developed. Then, by the time it hit hard and I had to see it, I was in love and young. I could help him!
Rinse and repeat over and over again for 17 years. He’d drink, he’d let the alcoholism overtake him, I’d dump it all out and lose my mind, he’d go cold turkey and things would be fine again. He refused to get help for that whole time because it was just me “overreacting” since I don’t really drink.
When it finally ended, due to something completely unrelated, I felt like I could breathe again.
I realized that I let love keep me trapped in a relationship that was actively hurting me — to the point of feeling like I was denied *air*.
After the divorce, he was unchecked by me. He went full tilt. I realized that by the reactions of the people around both of us, and how they were reacting to this default version of him, none of them actually ever realized he was an alcoholic. They also assumed that because I don’t drink I was throwing the term loosely (despite knowing I work in dual diagnosis for a chunk of that time).
He basically burned a lot of bridges after I left. He didn’t mean to, but that’d sort of what happens. ***I*** tolerated it for 20 years. That doesn’t mean anyone else will. The only person that stayed through all of it was the woman is just as bad as he is. But she got help. He did too, but he doesn’t take it seriously. He’s slowly eroding that bridge too. But she loves him, so’s he’s white knuckling it hoping he loves her enough to stop.
I’ve told her that’s not how it works. But she is forever the optimist. I wish them both the best of luck, but I have no space in my life for his bullshit. When he’s sober, I’m friends with him. I don’t like the drunk version of him, so he can stay miles away from me. When she’s sober she’s awesome; which means we’ve gotten along swimmingly for the last year because her sobriety seems to have taken.
I recently did. I had someone i was seeing for a year. He literally checked all the boxes and more. Luckily, we have agreed to remain besties for life. We ended it mutually in order to protect the friendship. Anyways, my breaking points happened a lot with him. He’s VERY passive. For example, he was always able to do well inside of the difficult conversations but literally NEVER has the nerve to bring anything up or initiate difficult conversations. He also is still learning how to spend his energetic currency and often wouldn’t be able to make me a priority. Meaning he would burn himself out in many other areas in his life and often struggles to keep things balanced or help me feel like a priority when he would clutter his schedule with things. It was also long distance and i wasn’t gonna settle in Hoboken… ever. Haha
I tolerated her smoking for 4 years…. I really hated the smell and kissing her at times was terrible. But then, like any youthful 5 yr relationship…she cheated and I knew the next day…I’d left…she tried to follow me but I wanted nothing of her after that. I can honestly say she missed on what would have been a very easy life for her. From what I discovered many years later, she had a rough go of it and her long term boyfriend died. She was left with nothing and the cigarettes for 40 years..got to her. I’m sorry for her troubles but as a younger girl, she knew what she was doing.
Constant opposition. I was blind to it being a major sign that he didn’t like me. It got so bad, I could say literally anything, make any statement or opinion whatsoever, and he would have to oppose it. It was almost like a compulsion for him, everything I said was wrong in his eyes. He would claim that he was simply intellectually superior, and that I just couldn’t debate on his level. Maddening! He was so condescending and elitist he eventually drove everyone away including me—after FOUR excruciating years mind you. My self-esteem is much higher now, and it’s impossible to ignore when a man is attracted to me but doesn’t respect me. I’ll never be a part of this type of dynamic ever again!
Inability to empathize
Vanity, is a fleeting beauty, that erodes with time, real question is, who r they without the external beauty, would you still see them, as beautiful if inside they were truly awful, cruel n unkind n wicked in every way?? That’s really the question, most never ask, n they stay until someone more handsome or beautiful comes along n offers them a life that you never could, is it worth it, in the end, to sacrifice for a trophy wife??
I stuck in a marriage way too long, despite the lies, the debt, and the lack of affection/intimacy, because it was easier to stay than to leave. I stayed when many would’ve left, because I couldn’t face life without her. It took me years to realise my misery wasn’t worth the security the relationship offered me.
My longest ex was insecure about a bunch of things that made his difficult. One being his age and the other was his performance in the bedroom. He lied to me about his age. I found out like 3 years into knowing him. He was never ever gonna tell me his real age either, which was like 4 years older. I found out cause I found his ID one day. He kicked off instead, accusing me of snooping instead of seeing the error in lying about his age. You know what was the worst bit, I was looking for a letter with his address to send him a gift. And he thought after years of knowing me I would randomly start snooping in his draws lol. But it made me realise he was insanely insecure about his age, he would never ever tell anyone his actual age. It was the catalyst to our break up. I started to realise he wasn’t my type cause I’m attracted to confident men who own everything about themselves.
Inability to admit she was wrong. She was fucking brilliant, funny, witty, smart, charismatic, and intelligent but getting her to have some humility was exhausting
Putting me last in situations or not protecting my feelings when his friends are involved or someone he cares about more than me.
I felt I could even understand that he felt less for me, but I wished be showed me he also cared about my feelings or that I mattered when I’m in a situation with another person he highly regards more than me.
For example if I knew I’m in a tight spot and I can’t do something for someone, I don’t abandon. I make sure the person I love knows I care about them and wouldn’t choose someone else, even if I need to. I would try not putting them in a situation where they feel not chosen by me or I would check in with them at the very least to see how they’re doing. Anything.
Just to show I care. I felt I didn’t get that but I loved him so much and I still do. I kept hoping he would one day realize this. And I think he did but just grew indifferent.
Slapping. Very occasionally, only once every 3-6 months. We were 19 or 20. She was just starting to drink. I would summon all of my self control and tell her she should exhaust other avenues to solve her anger when it boiled up like that. Eventually she slapped someone she wasn’t going out with and had to face the repercussions of what that means. In that moment I failed to act as a man and protect her like I should, but I knew it was over just from the schadenfreude I felt.
He was a nightmare when he was drunk. Not abusive or anything like that but he would just get paralytic and make a total idiot out of himself, it was soooooo embarrassing
I had an ex who was just really shallow. He was a total extrovert and incapable of anything beyond small talk. He was an amazing small talker though. He would listen when I wanted to talk about deep stuff, but he always would return the discussion to superficial things. Honestly, I put up with this because I was in grad school and didn’t myself have the bandwidth for a deep intertwined relationship. Plus, as an extreme extrovert, he was always out and about, so it gave me time to study.
It was a good relationship overall—for the time. But I did get sick of his constant attempts to avoid any meaningful discussions. Whenever I forced us to have them, he would hit me with platitudes and aphorisms like “well, you know, time will tell” or “well, it is what it is.” The only time he wanted to talk deeply is if something was bothering *him*.