My last relationship really messed me up — my ex gaslit me about a coworker he ended up cheating with, and anytime I brought it up he’d get angry and tell me I needed therapy. I was right, and now that wound is showing up in my new relationship(been together over a year).
My current boyfriend works closely with a female coworker (they sit in a truck all day, share hobbies, etc.). They've worked together for 2 years she was there for him during his last breakup. We’ve talked about it openly— he’s been really kind, even said he would transfer if it helped. I can tell by his demeanor he doesn’t like her like that. I’ve even seen some of their texts and it mostly reads like she likes him, not the other way around.
But my brain still spirals. It’s gotten to the point where it gets in the way of us connecting — everything he says, I find myself thinking, “would she like that?” or “is he saying this because of her?” It all gets filtered through old trauma and hormones, and I hate it because he hasn’t actually done anything wrong.
I really love him and I don’t want to ruin something good by projecting my past onto him. Has anyone worked through this? How do you break the cycle of assuming history will repeat itself?
tl;dr can't get over worries about boyfriends coworker