This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own.
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Posted in the last one, had a few replies but want to see if there’s any suffering perspectives. TIA!
I (33f) went on two dates with a girl (38f) back at the end of September. Told her I liked her but she said I was out of my last relationship too soon for her (I was in a 13 yr relationship that ended 6 months ago). We’ve become good friends and spend a lot of time together, this week she asked me to spend the night to get “snowed in together” and I’ll have spent every day with her this week aside from today (including plans for tomorrow). Halloween weekend I spent friday-sunday with her. In the first month of knowing her, she also brought up doing long roadtrips with her (like across the country).
Now here’s the confusing part. She recently told me she appreciated me being honest about my feelings and that most of her relationships start as friends. This came up out of nowhere
I’ve really only known her barely 2 months. Like why bring this up out of the blue? I’d told her I liked her probably 1.5 months ago and after she told me how she felt we jumped on the friend train, which I’m honestly fine with. I’m realizing I’m not at a point for a committed relationship. I think I’m just overanalyzing
I was writing about my work crush and how she’s been talking to me more (off limits to me, has a BF) and then my kids mom asks if we can spend thanksgiving together? We broke up 5 years ago when I found out about her “extracurriculars”
This is ridiculous
I 37F have been talking to a 38M I met through work. He lives in the Midwest and I am on the west coast. Things have been flirty and fun. I mentioned a visit to my neck of the woods and he very quickly agreed. He is coming in a couple weeks. I am mostly excited for an irl hang but unsure of hw to bring up potential sleepovers and intimacy. I’m not opposed to either but want to see where the weekend goes. Do I bring it up or just play it by ear?
Do you ever think about how many years you’ve been on earth and then think… how could I go that long without finding my person? Cries.
I (30F) met a guy (30M) through bumble end of Sept and he was really interesting and initiated a coffee date for a few days later. We absolutely HIT IT OFF, he kissed me, and we went on ~5 dates over the next couple weeks before sleeping together. He said he wanted to develop a connection before having sex but we were having fun letting tension build bc we were both verrrry attracted to each other. He was great, texting a frequent but appropriate amount, scheduling dates, I was initiating them too, and I ended things with a guy I was seeing more casually to keep pursuing him.
He was open about his values and life experiences, showing lots of interest in me and I really was starting to like him as we kept going on dates which led up to him spending the night Halloween weekend. It went super well, started to build more emotional intimacy, I mean this guy washed my body in the shower the next morning. We were super compatible plus he was genuinely one of the most attractive people I’ve ever seen in my life. Then we saw each other one more time before the vibe through text started to trickle away. I had invited him to meet some of my friends that coming weekend and got a lukewarm response, so eventually Sunday just asked him if his feelings were changing since I could feel the energy was different and of course I got a very generic “yeah they have been changing I can’t really say why”. I’m like, was the sleepover too much or something?? And he said it wasn’t that.
So what was it?! Full disclosure it’s my first rejection since my 5.5 year relationship ended and I’m definitely overthinking and more hurt by it than I should be, but like wtf? Solid progress for 6 weeks then just NADA?! For my sanity I’m just telling myself he just wasn’t that into me or had met someone else he was feeling more, but he had made it clear that he was looking for emotional connection before physical intimacy and the way he was texting and spending time with me I don’t see how he could have been building that with someone else. I was just about to ask him about being exclusive too 🙁
I know this shit happens but damn it was such a bummer. I know he had told family about me, and just the switch flipped from pursuing me to uninterested so fast I feel like I got whiplash lol
I read some School of Life books back in my twenties when I was trying to find purpose in my career. Their [video about dating](https://youtu.be/IKO9ADslRs4?si=r0ifwoilRWlEh41c) was a pleasant surprise to me! hopefully will bring some comfort to other folks <3
I’ve been with the coworker lady (that I posted about here) for ~6 months or so. It’s been great overall and pretty smooth. People here were right that her recent separation would cause challenges, and combined with my limited relationship experience it did caused some tension on a few occasions, but we talked it through productively.
Until now when she admitted that [some sex challenges ](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/comments/1oquxuc/i_cum_too_quickly_first_round_and_its_causing/)were bothering her and causing issues for her. You can check that post for more details. But tl;dr: we could do some things to mitigate or work around this, but there’s no magic solution that could instantly make everything pefrect exactly how she wants it.
She’s saying that for a casual/FWB situation it wouldn’t make sense for her to spend her limited mental energy on this (presumably when she could just find someone else to bang), but she would like to see if this relationship progresses to something closer. Paraphrasing, but she talked about not living completely separate parallel lives and having some sense of togetherness.
The thing is, I don’t see how it could, in the forseeable future. She has a small kid and said she’s not considering introducing us in the near future, and not looking for a step-dad for him. Both of which I agree and am happy with. But the kid’s dad only takes him for 14 hours a week, so on two weekdays we just have time for dinner and/or sex, and on Sundays we can do a proper day-time date. No sleepovers, no weekend getaways, no vacations together. But for almost 6 months, we’ve spent all this time, except for vacation/business trips, together.
We’ll talk about this of course when we meet next (tomorrow hopefully) and I’ll try to clearify and better understand her. But I’m wondering if I’m missing something here? This situation just seems to be inherently limited and casual, unless something fundamentally changes. Perhaps someone who dated parents (or is one) would have some ideas how the relationship could be progressed and developed under the constraints?
the more experience i have with dating the more i can’t shake the thought that im not really supposed to be with others in a relationship context. i can never seem to get either stable pacing or my expectations for others in check and im not really sure how im supposed to address either to have things be “healthy”
Yeah that’s how it feels for me atm sadly. I led the first few times but it takes me out of the situation so much when I’m having to even just take her top off otherwise she wouldn’t. I reckon I could strip down to the bone and she’d still be lying there fully clothed. Not sure how people don’t have any initiative when it comes to these things.
What happened in the end, did things just fizzle out? Or are you still with them?
How do you continue to put yourself back out there?
After a few months hiatus from the apps for my mental health, I went on a date with someone I was very interested in. I felt there was a ton of chemistry (I never feel this, I usually have to convince myself to go on a second date) and he texted about going out next week when I said I would treat him. When I texted to confirm plans that I suggested – nothing. I go back to the app and I see he deleted his profile. The normal me would have brushed this off, but after years and years and years of trying and failing to find my person, I find my resilience is in shambles. I know this is not a normal response to feel devastated after one date but I also know that insanity is downloading and deleting apps in cycles and expecting a different outcome. I am tired and sick of “looking inward”, “self improvement”, “decentering men”, “cultivating new hobbies” etc all the things you’re supposed to do. This is more of a rant than a questions, so apologies.
I currently live in a smaller US city (under 1 million population) and I’ve been considering moving to NYC. I don’t think the women in my city are all that attractive and there’s a lot less of them than New York. I could also technically move to Boston if I wanted to, but I’m concerned I would have the same issues I’m having now.
The alternative is I just wait a year and focus on weightlifting and building more muscle and then move to NYC. But maybe I should just go now? I don’t know.
I make more than enough to afford to live in NYC and work remote currently.
Have just realised that FWB situation isn’t for me because I’m the cute one who’ll always break those boundaries.
Probably, the best and most healing thing that can happen to me is when I am and the other person are 💯 in. The emotional breadcrumbs aren’t enough for me at all.
Anyone else feel like you use your phone way more when single? Especially living alone and when it’s so dark outside.
I went out on a date and the guy ghosted me after. Sigh. Moving on. I have a date tomorrow with a different guy. Fingers crossed.
Is sex something you can improve in a relationship? Started seeing this guy (casually, non-exclusive) and I really like him, he’s great to be around and he checks so many boxes for me. The sex is…fine. It has improved slightly over time. But yesterday I went out drinking and had sex with someone else, and it was just so easy (though I’m not particularly interests in pursing a relationship with that person).
Oops. I had a big text bust-up with the guy I’m seeing (whose inability to discuss my snoring with me was the subject of my last comment here). He’s been a bit sick and busy at work, but we have (had?) rough plans to spend Saturday together, which I didn’t want to push the planning for because I knew he had other things on his mind.
I finally decide to start planning for our date yesterday, and he suddenly mentions he’s seeing a friend on Saturday evening and asks if we can hang during the day instead. No problem, I suggest brunch and something in the afternoon, to which he responds “sounds good”. No plan, no desire to come up with one. I let it slide.
Tonight we are just texting when he mentions he wants to do something (by himself) on Saturday morning.
Something in me finally pops, and we get into this texting argument. I say I have rightly or wrongly felt a bit neglected, and he says he’s been sick and busy and he has arranged to see me during the only slot he can. He thinks my main bone of contention is about him having evening plans on Saturday. He gets defensive (“I’m not going to feel bad about that”). I try to convince him it’s not about that, it’s the fact he hasn’t seemed to care enough to plan our date, he hasn’t shown any interest in my life this week, and my bigger concern is that he doesn’t seem to be able to appreciate a different viewpoint or empathise with my feelings. He then unilaterally tried to walk away from the conversation citing that he needed time to reflect so “good night”.
God I’m exhausted. It hasn’t been productive conversation (it’s midnight here), and it’s stupid that I’m in an all-out texting argument with someone I’ve only been seeing for three weeks. I can see very clearly now that we have very different ways of conflict resolution, and I feel he has shown no empathy for my feelings at all.
Another one bites the dust eh.
I really don’t know where to go from here , me and her (I 32m her 36f)get along so well and everything we do is just peaceful and fun no matter if we just sit down and do nothing it’s still amazing to be with her. I am usually picky and don’t get along well with many people but this girl really is something. Only problem is she has 3 kids from one ex and they are 15f 13m 11m. I read these relationships usually fall apart and it’s not easy on the men. Even I don’t know how to navigate this I have met the kids they just chill in there rooms most the time and keep to themselves. Everyone tells me I’m making a mistake but they don’t know the chemistry me and her have and if I follow my heart and I’m worried people are telling me that I’m wrong but I don’t know this is such a tough situation to know the answer too it drives me insane cause everyone thinks I’m a simp for it and parents are not on board but people don’t understand what me and her share. She makes me happy smh
Today is one of those days where instead of applying for jobs on LinkedIn or working on the business I’m starting, I kinda wish I could just find a man.
I spent all these years working away, gaining all this experience, knowledge and credentials.
But my time for starting a family is running out. I’ve never even let myself think or say that before. I’ve always wanted to operate on my own timeline.
But recently spending my days trying to create my next career chapter, I find myself less truly career motivated. For this next chapter of my life I want love. I haven’t gotten that right yet. Love is what I want to focus on.
And I know I’ll be able to make my own money again, I’m honestly not too worried about that, but it just feels like I’m in the perfect place, free time wise, to find love. I’ve had such little time for dating in the past I know what an asset this transition window is. And yet, I’m not at my most confident. Or in the right location.
Maybe I need to hire a matchmaker? I don’t know how to find a good, legit one. But I’m in an amazing spot to be whisked away and start a relationship. Lots of time. Logically I know that opens me up to more risk than the positions I’ve previously started a relationship from. But I’m pretty discerning.
I’ve always been the higher earner, the achiever, the perfectionist and the helper. I was not only 50-50 but went above in supporting all my past relationships in some way so they could join me in my lifestyle.
A part of me wonders if karma can come help me out now? Or maybe I venmo request exs?
Jokes aside, another part knows I need to find my own ground again. Sure maybe a relationship spark will happen outta nowhere before I’m settled into my next career chapter, but either way I need to rebuild a life that’s right for me. Ughhhhhh
But then what if it takes me too long to rebuild my career and life and I miss the family window?
I just wish there were a niche dating app to match late 30s women in career transition/post-layoff, etc with ambitious men who also want to pivot towards focusing on family.
Talked to my ex from 6 years ago all afternoon. And it made me really appreciate this forum for allowing me to vent without triggering too many bad feelings, even with the occasional hate and weird DMs.
This man is completely removed from reality, he hasn’t worked since 2019, bankrolled by his parents the entire time, and had the audacity to say he wishes I could “grow” like he did! Well gee maybe if I didn’t have to work fulltime surrounded by corporate vultures to pay bills, I could also spend 6 months at a time at some mountain retreat pondering the meaning of life. And come back all enlightened.
My ex reposted some pictures of one of her cosplays, and I saw them because one of our mutual friends reposted her repost. I thought they looked familiar, and I’m pretty sure they’re the pictures she took of me wearing it, lol (it covers the face). It was the first time in these past two years where seeing her (in a way) didn’t feel like picking scabs, so some pleasant surprises today. I hope she is doing well.
Alright if nothing works out by March I’m coming here to solicit dates for a cousins wedding. Not a paid opportunity, but you can put the experience on your resume and I’ll be a reference. Not eligible for community service hours.
Pros:
– family is funny
– I’m conventionally attractive
– free food and beverages
– free trip from one east coast US state to another
– you can see pictures of my dog
– I’ll 3d print you some free chip clips to take home to keep your Tostitos fresh
Cons:
– family is unintentionally funny, as they are MAGA
– small talk during a long car drive
– you must look at pictures of my dog regardless of whether or not you’re sick of it
No serial killers but tax crimes are fine
One of the points of my ex-boyfriend’s rants today is that I’m an avoidant, and need to work on that in order to have a healthy relationship. Unfortunately, it is rooted in my (lack of) relationship with my parents, which even professional therapists have refused to broach.
I’m going to die alone, I get it.
Even without that, no one wants me. I’m a very unpleasant person. I think some men are attracted to me, sure. My ex-FWB couldn’t keep it down whenever we were together – Yet admitted he knew *from the start* (1 year) he never wanted to date me.
Yes, ladies, he used the word NEVER.
Fuck. Jesus fucking christ.
How many dates do you go on with a person before you decide that they’re perfectly fine, but you’re not into them? Like there’s nothing you dislike, but you don’t feel any spark of connection.
Trying to not dismiss people right off the bat, but I’m wondering if that’s doing both of us a disservice.
Have spent nearly two hours scrolling for date event ideas this weekend. Tiring lol. There isn’t much going on in town but hope at least one of my ideas sounds fun. Tough with the cold weather to find ideas.
Chronicles of a first time online dater after not dating in over 10 years- the first week.
I wasn’t sure what to expect this first week and I kept questioning how can someone who wants a serious relationship tell from a profile if they would want to be in a serious relationship with this person. Like it just didn’t make sense to me. I was ranting about it with my sister just a few hours ago.
Lo and behold I saw this profile and I am absolutely infatuated, I didn’t think it was possible! Butterflies, even! I’m like wow, it can really happen!
Fingers crossed & sending it out to the universe 💫 still taking my first baby steps into this dating world, but glad to have spaces like this to process and learn.
Always know I’m rooting for all of you 💜