Hi, I am 31M and have just gotten into my first real sexual relationship. We haven't had sex yet but that is imminent, planned for this weekend.
We have done a good bit of over the clothes stuff though. Last night she gave me a handie and I had some erectile trouble and some related questions.
For some context, my whole adult life I have had a kind of clinical approach to masturbation – being horny with no outlet is distracting and frustrating so I generally rub one out with porn every night and many mornings to keep the horny at bay. At the start of this year, I started a different relationship, at which point i quit this routine basically cold turkey and was unsurprisingly horny all the time. It didnt pan out though and we broke up right before it became sexual. I was sad and frustrated and horny and one Saturday I masturbated myself into oblivion until I felt numb to it, then resumed my previous routine with renewed vigor.
Fast forward to now, and I have similarly quit the porn entirely as this relationship has started. Ive masturbated still, though without porn and much less frequently (once every 3 days or so), and have noticed something new that i also experienced when we were together last night. I have been trying to edge myself a bit and have found that if I get close and stop, I still get a little ejaculate that comes out, it doesn't feel like an orgasm, and I immediately lose my erection. At that point the sensation still feels nice and I can still bring myself to climax, but i stay flaccid the whole time. While with her yesterday, this same thing happened where I kinda but not really finished in my pants before she even got it out, then couldn't really get it up again. It was all still great and felt totally wonderful but she wasnt able to get me off herself, I kinda ended up doing that myself after she left.
How normal an experience is this? I kinda expected finishing early as I know that's common when you're new but this feels worse as I both couldnt keep it up for her and dont even feel like I got the satisfaction of finishing at all.
As an additional note, I have very low natural test levels (never tested higher than 200, usually 160-180) and have been on trt for about a year.
Im open to any thoughts, advice or suggestions here, thank you! 🙏