anyone else feel like friendships just quietly fade after 30?
November 12, 2025
it’s not even drama or falling out type stuff life just… happens. people get married, move away, have kids, work longer hours. suddenly group chats go silent, hangouts don’t happen and you realize you haven’t seen your closest friends in months.
29 comments
We don’t lose friends, we just downgrade to… likes your story once a month… status
Y.e.s.
Life tends to get in the way if your bonds aren’t strong enough. I’ve lost my share of friends but the good ones always stick around as you’re a part of their lives and vice versa.
It’s actually true not just a feeling for most. Check the podcast ‘Solved’, they have a great episode on this.
You need to find new ways to invest in your friendships and make new habits together to keep building it.
Just a part of life I’m afraid other things take priority. I could be wrong but I feel like every man goes through this at some point.
No, but I never really had any long term friendships in my youth, so most of the connections I made, I made after the age of like 25, after I became a more sociable person, which happened because of a combination of taking a heroic dose of mushrooms and then from that point on making an active effort to be social with strangers. Currently at 32, I have an abundance of social connections that I maintain.
In stark contrast with that, I had literally one friend in my teens, that I lost when I moved away from my hometown when I turned 18, which left me friendless until the former mentioned events.
My theory is that the reason people feel so lonely in their 30’s is because they’ve allowed their social skills and friend making skills to atrophy hard after they left high school. That wasn’t a skill I cultivated in my teens but instead after I took that dose of shrooms and effectively rebooted my brain to be able to pick up that skill that was new to me quickly.
35M here. Yeah it sucks. One of my best friends lives on the other side of the state. We go through months sometimes without talking due to the distance but I always considered us as still being close.
Recently we have gone through one of those random spurts of a few months without talking.
I randomly decided to reactivate my Facebook the other day after like a year of not having one. It was a tough pill to swallow for me to see on Facebook that the got engaged like two months ago. Although I’m happy for him, I find it really sad that he didn’t tell me. It hit me that we’ve drifted far apart, and it made me realize maybe we aren’t as close friends anymore as I thought we still are/hoped we still are. Still processing these emotions but yeah. It’s sad.
That’s normal. Embrace it.
That’s normal. Embrace it. Or find new friends. It just takes a lot of reps
Yes but it’s 100% on you to maintain and create new friendships
Yeah, it sucks. A friend of 25+ years had his wedding and has seemingly not messaged or wanted to meet up much since. He told me he had plans of cutting off his uni friends after it as he felt things were one sided with making plans. Maybe he had plans for one or two of us also.
I said to him recently that me and another friend could come to his city for old time’s sake, joked about getting the band back together. He basically just said “I’m good thanks” without suggesting an alternative. I know he’s avoiding drinking where possible now so maybe it played into it, he still drops memes into our group chat.
It’s life I guess. I’ve come to realise some people are seasons, and that’s fine. I’ve made great connections that I’ll likely never see or speak to again as well. I’m 34 and now it’s quality over quantity.
My closest friends live in different states- 2 out of the 4 are still single, like me, so I talk to them fairly regularly via text and phone calls. The other two are married, so it’s a little less frequent, but the quality of their input is still good.
But, here’s the thing- for 3 out of the 4, it’s typically me keeping in touch. I’m fine with that idea, since the return on that is good, I get people willing to listen and give feedback, but it’s on me to reach out if I want that stuff.
Yup because:
* People get into romantic relationships, they put too much effort on them, and they simply stop building a circle of friends, which is really wrong.
* Kids, they suck all your time and energy.
* Work more, some of them want to build a better career, thankfully not everyone
* They move away from your area due to a lot of reasons.
I noticed after 30 your circle of friends ends up being your kids friend’s parents and those people who you like who live in the neighborhood. However, you’ll still refer to your best friends from your 20s as your closest friends even though you only see them a fraction of the time.
Pretty much every post on here is a permutation of:
“Help me figure out my career!”
“Help I don’t have friends anymore!”
“Help me through my divorce!”
“How do I make friends again?”
I like to think they go in chronological order.
Yall have friends?
Once people have kids that kinda takes over and they don’t reach out as much.
You really have to make effort.
It’s quietly fading, yes, but my best & closest friends of like 5 kinda will be around til I die, it feels like now.
Friendships take work and if no one puts in the effort they disappear. Call your friends or send them memes daily
Nah they enhance. Dont need to speak for ages but when you do its great
They do fade in the busy years, but they can also come back – with some effort. Being a little older now I’m starting to see my old friends a bit more again. 30’s are kinda busy times with family and career building things taking priority.
I will say my one of my best friends/roommate recently get married in the spring & him and his wife moved out last month. It became apparent to us during the summer that she seems to be jealous of our friendship which is ridiculous. It was during that time that I really thought to myself, now I really see how guys lose friends as they get older especially when they get married or in a serious relationship.
I think this reason is more common than us as men realize. I even had a chat with one of my older female coworkers about it and she admitted that’s something she did herself when she was younger and she regrets it cause her husband told her he’ll never forgive her for alienating him from his friends.
Only if you get married AND have children.
I have plenty of friends over 30 that can hangout whenever, even the married ones, because they don’t have children.
I still see my buddies a fair bit. Got 3 of my best buds I play golf and hangout with often, then got a group of mates I play 5 aside with and we end up at the pub weekly. I’ve got a group of girl friends who I see much less than I used to which is sad, I really need to reach out to some of them.
Yeah it’s weird how something that was a huge part of my life in my twenties barely exists now. My friends all got gfs, wives, one even has a kid. I see them once every two or three months now. Back in the day I used to see them a couple of times a week.
The worst part is that feeling of being left behind. If you’re the perma single one of the group you find yourself at a loose end all the time. You sort of feel like you were only good enough to be friends with when everyone was single. It makes me feel like people never really liked me that much, I was just a convenient friend that you could always rely on to go on nights out with. Now you’re not needed anymore. I had one friend that ditched the group the moment he got gf. He’s back now they’ve split up, but I don’t see him as a friend in the same way and fully expect him to do that again in the future.
There’s also that feeling of not really knowing your friends anymore. Because I rarely see or hear from them, they feel more like strangers now. I’ve made my peace with it and I just try to be happy that I still get to see my friends sometimes. I can’t say I wouldn’t be like them if I had the relationships and responsibilities they have. So I guess a lot of it is envy from me. But I can’t really say that I feel like they’re my friends in the way they used to be. They’re acquaintances now. But times have changed and you just have to accept and enjoy it for what it is.
32m here. You have to put the effort in to make things work and you can keep your friendships going strong!
You have to maintain friendships with effort at this age.
29 comments
We don’t lose friends, we just downgrade to… likes your story once a month… status
Y.e.s.
Life tends to get in the way if your bonds aren’t strong enough. I’ve lost my share of friends but the good ones always stick around as you’re a part of their lives and vice versa.
It’s actually true not just a feeling for most. Check the podcast ‘Solved’, they have a great episode on this.
You need to find new ways to invest in your friendships and make new habits together to keep building it.
Just a part of life I’m afraid other things take priority. I could be wrong but I feel like every man goes through this at some point.
No, but I never really had any long term friendships in my youth, so most of the connections I made, I made after the age of like 25, after I became a more sociable person, which happened because of a combination of taking a heroic dose of mushrooms and then from that point on making an active effort to be social with strangers. Currently at 32, I have an abundance of social connections that I maintain.
In stark contrast with that, I had literally one friend in my teens, that I lost when I moved away from my hometown when I turned 18, which left me friendless until the former mentioned events.
My theory is that the reason people feel so lonely in their 30’s is because they’ve allowed their social skills and friend making skills to atrophy hard after they left high school. That wasn’t a skill I cultivated in my teens but instead after I took that dose of shrooms and effectively rebooted my brain to be able to pick up that skill that was new to me quickly.
35M here. Yeah it sucks. One of my best friends lives on the other side of the state. We go through months sometimes without talking due to the distance but I always considered us as still being close.
Recently we have gone through one of those random spurts of a few months without talking.
I randomly decided to reactivate my Facebook the other day after like a year of not having one. It was a tough pill to swallow for me to see on Facebook that the got engaged like two months ago. Although I’m happy for him, I find it really sad that he didn’t tell me. It hit me that we’ve drifted far apart, and it made me realize maybe we aren’t as close friends anymore as I thought we still are/hoped we still are. Still processing these emotions but yeah. It’s sad.
That’s normal. Embrace it.
That’s normal. Embrace it. Or find new friends. It just takes a lot of reps
Yes but it’s 100% on you to maintain and create new friendships
Yeah, it sucks. A friend of 25+ years had his wedding and has seemingly not messaged or wanted to meet up much since. He told me he had plans of cutting off his uni friends after it as he felt things were one sided with making plans. Maybe he had plans for one or two of us also.
I said to him recently that me and another friend could come to his city for old time’s sake, joked about getting the band back together. He basically just said “I’m good thanks” without suggesting an alternative. I know he’s avoiding drinking where possible now so maybe it played into it, he still drops memes into our group chat.
It’s life I guess. I’ve come to realise some people are seasons, and that’s fine. I’ve made great connections that I’ll likely never see or speak to again as well. I’m 34 and now it’s quality over quantity.
[FADE](https://youtu.be/_-9VnIba_qQ?si=DNR8IZqs1tP4Zeak)
My closest friends live in different states- 2 out of the 4 are still single, like me, so I talk to them fairly regularly via text and phone calls. The other two are married, so it’s a little less frequent, but the quality of their input is still good.
But, here’s the thing- for 3 out of the 4, it’s typically me keeping in touch. I’m fine with that idea, since the return on that is good, I get people willing to listen and give feedback, but it’s on me to reach out if I want that stuff.
Yup because:
* People get into romantic relationships, they put too much effort on them, and they simply stop building a circle of friends, which is really wrong.
* Kids, they suck all your time and energy.
* Work more, some of them want to build a better career, thankfully not everyone
* They move away from your area due to a lot of reasons.
I noticed after 30 your circle of friends ends up being your kids friend’s parents and those people who you like who live in the neighborhood. However, you’ll still refer to your best friends from your 20s as your closest friends even though you only see them a fraction of the time.
Pretty much every post on here is a permutation of:
“Help me figure out my career!”
“Help I don’t have friends anymore!”
“Help me through my divorce!”
“How do I make friends again?”
I like to think they go in chronological order.
Yall have friends?
Once people have kids that kinda takes over and they don’t reach out as much.
You really have to make effort.
It’s quietly fading, yes, but my best & closest friends of like 5 kinda will be around til I die, it feels like now.
Friendships take work and if no one puts in the effort they disappear. Call your friends or send them memes daily
Nah they enhance. Dont need to speak for ages but when you do its great
They do fade in the busy years, but they can also come back – with some effort. Being a little older now I’m starting to see my old friends a bit more again. 30’s are kinda busy times with family and career building things taking priority.
I will say my one of my best friends/roommate recently get married in the spring & him and his wife moved out last month. It became apparent to us during the summer that she seems to be jealous of our friendship which is ridiculous. It was during that time that I really thought to myself, now I really see how guys lose friends as they get older especially when they get married or in a serious relationship.
I think this reason is more common than us as men realize. I even had a chat with one of my older female coworkers about it and she admitted that’s something she did herself when she was younger and she regrets it cause her husband told her he’ll never forgive her for alienating him from his friends.
Only if you get married AND have children.
I have plenty of friends over 30 that can hangout whenever, even the married ones, because they don’t have children.
I still see my buddies a fair bit. Got 3 of my best buds I play golf and hangout with often, then got a group of mates I play 5 aside with and we end up at the pub weekly. I’ve got a group of girl friends who I see much less than I used to which is sad, I really need to reach out to some of them.
Yeah it’s weird how something that was a huge part of my life in my twenties barely exists now. My friends all got gfs, wives, one even has a kid. I see them once every two or three months now. Back in the day I used to see them a couple of times a week.
The worst part is that feeling of being left behind. If you’re the perma single one of the group you find yourself at a loose end all the time. You sort of feel like you were only good enough to be friends with when everyone was single. It makes me feel like people never really liked me that much, I was just a convenient friend that you could always rely on to go on nights out with. Now you’re not needed anymore. I had one friend that ditched the group the moment he got gf. He’s back now they’ve split up, but I don’t see him as a friend in the same way and fully expect him to do that again in the future.
There’s also that feeling of not really knowing your friends anymore. Because I rarely see or hear from them, they feel more like strangers now. I’ve made my peace with it and I just try to be happy that I still get to see my friends sometimes. I can’t say I wouldn’t be like them if I had the relationships and responsibilities they have. So I guess a lot of it is envy from me. But I can’t really say that I feel like they’re my friends in the way they used to be. They’re acquaintances now. But times have changed and you just have to accept and enjoy it for what it is.
32m here. You have to put the effort in to make things work and you can keep your friendships going strong!
You have to maintain friendships with effort at this age.
Same