I recently had an abortion, but I didn't tell my husband about it. The guilt has started eating away at me, and I feel like I've made a big mistake not being open with him.
I got pregnant almost exactly 12 weeks after our first baby was born. I found out I was pregnant when I was about 6 weeks along. I panicked and immediately decided to terminate the pregnancy without talking to my husband or even really thinking through the decision. I don't regret the abortion itself-as I honestly feel like it was the right decision for me-but I do regret not telling my husband about it.
Motherhood has been a huge shock to my system. It's really hard and I don't think that I could handle having a second baby right now. My husband seems to have adjusted to parenthood much more easily. He's involved and very hands on, but I'm still doing the bulk of the work. He really only takes over in the evenings when we both get home from work. I'm the one doing most of the caring. I even bring her with me to work since my workplace allows new moms to bring their babies for the first 6 months.
I didn't tell him I was pregnant because I was afraid he might want another child and don't understand why it's so important to me not to have one. Now I feel guilty for making this decision without his involvement, without being honest with him regarding the situation at hand and as to how I really felt. I didn't need his permission, but yes, it is something we should have talked about.
I'm terrified that by telling him now, it's going to make things worse. He may be angry that I made this decision without him, but what I'm really fearing here is that he'll be hurt that I kept it from him at all. If the roles were flipped and I found out later my spouse kept something like this from me, I would be devastated. I feel so torn between telling him and just finding a way to silently and privately move on. I just don't know how to move forward from here. How do I tell him?