So since December last year until February this year I (27f) dated a guy (35m) for a while.
He seemed like a nice person and honestly, I ended up finding out something so horrible about him that he tried to HIDE that I couldn’t continue the relationship.
He was charming, charismatic, very handsome, seemed quite intelligent and super funny. He has a stable career, doesn’t use substances, great with kids. Basically, superficially speaking any girls dream.
All was going well for some time until we started discussing exes. We had both been engaged previously. I was engaged at 18-19 years old, huge mistake, and I wanted to be honest about it. As far as his previous engagement, I knew he was engaged about 4 years ago, it ended, but he always gave super vague reasons like “we grew apart” and “we weren’t right for each other” without elaborating.
Sometimes things go sideways and people are dishonest. I get it. I had a hunch he had cheated on her and that’s why it ended based on how much he disliked talking about it. Cheating is horrible yes, I’ve cheated too in a past relationship, it’s inexcusable, but people can change and grow and make better choices. Had this been the case, I would’ve probably been okay with it.
It was so much worse. And whatever you’re thinking about now, it’s even worse than that.
Basically, when I met his mutual friends for the first time, one of them added me on social media and spilled the beans.
This man’s ex fiance was diagnosed with an aggressive form of cancer after they got engaged. Her last wish was to see their wedding day, and go on one last epic honeymoon before she passed. He promised her all of this too, kept stringing her along until a few days before the wedding. Then he just completely panicked, started applying for jobs abroad, on the other side of the world, and when their set wedding date was getting closer, he fled to teach English in an East Asian country and got a new local gf the week after. She didn’t get an explanation. He blocked her everywhere. At some point he did end up unblocking her and letting her know he met someone else, then blocked her again.
His ex fiance passed away alone. She didn’t have any family of her own. No one to be there for her for her last year of life that was cut too short.
I immediately confronted him, he panicked, tried to lie about it, but then came clean. He had a huge argument with his friend too and they lost contact. He begged me to stay and how “he would never do this to me” but I left. For whatever it’s worth, he also tried DEFENDING THIS by calling it „taking care of his mental health“.
So now he’s engaged again, to some 22 year old and flexing it on social media. How do I know this? We have mutual friends on instagram etc. I’m tempted to tell her, I am not sure she knows about it. I suppose I should just mind my own business. But I don’t know… I would want to know, because it was exactly the reason why I left this guy. I can’t imagine marrying someone only to find out this vile side of them years later.
What should I do?
Edit: some details that were missing. Also, thanks for the feedback everyone, whether you told me to tell or not to tell. I still don’t know honestly and can see both sides. I understand it’s not my place yet at the same time I would want to know as this is 100% absolute dealbreaker for me. And would be to many others too.
The one comment I did not appreciate was calling his dead ex selfish for… wanting to marry her fiance before she passed? Like come on. How is this selfish? Also, she did not want 1) a fancy expensive wedding, to my understanding she just wanted a small one with some mutual friends and 2) her honeymoon wish wasn’t a 5 star luxury resort in the Maldives followed by staying at a private mansion in Fiji. She wanted to fly to Italy and see the Mediterranean. From the UK. Flights are like 500 bucks at most for two people. Asking for this as a last wish isn’t insane by any means.
Edit #2: giving the comments another read has convinced me to shut my mouth and not involve myself in this mess. Sorry to disappoint those of you who were hoping for me to do this.
GUYS I AM NOT GOING TO TELL ANYONE.
I really do appreciate all the feedback but honestly I was looking for advice and not being called names in the comments. Or have anyone else called names for that matter.