It hit me recently that I’ve spent years treating conversations like interviews by constantly asking questions, keeping the focus on the other person and almost never sharing about myself. People think I’m a great listener but most of them don’t actually know me. I thought curiosity was connection but it turns out vulnerability is what really builds it. Asking isn’t enough if you never open up in return. I was playing an online game on my phone earlier and caught myself doing the same thing in the chat, asking people questions and deflecting when they asked anything back. It’s like a reflex at this point.

How do you unlearn that? How do you start sharing about yourself when you’ve spent a lifetime avoiding it?


4 comments

  2. Me too – not so much anymore.

    Stop rejecting yourself and learn to get to know who you are: that might (and often appears to) be best done alone, in some degree of isolation. Growing older and breaking down the illusion of discomfort that comes with being alone can really help you appreciate yourself for you, but the key is that you respect who you are, and that you form a – not egotistical – love for yourself.

    Don’t be too concerned about revealing your interests and thoughts and views – respectfully and context-appropriately; if you can appreciate you are so unique, so rare, so important, then you’ll find yourself just wanting to learn and share.

    Even this post is a good start particularly if you’ve been stuck before now. The only way any of us can get a different perspective is if we shift where we are.

    Back yourself for being you: you’re awesome 😊

  3. Maybe instead of stopping, just adjust how you respond. Its great to be curious about others, to ask questions about their lives, and to remember what they tell you so you can follow up with it later. That’s connection.

    But, when people ask about you, don’t deflect. Be willing to share roughly the same amount (and maybe a little more) vulnerably than they did. Give and Take

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