I 25F started dating 32M, and things have been proceeding well. We are now 10 months. I live at home and he always comes to the door to pick me up and talk to my stepdad39M and 46Fmom. There’s a bit of a language barrier between my mom and my bf so my bf talks to my stepdad the most. Anyways, my bf always tries his best to be respectful. There is a difference in income level between my bf and my stepdad. My bf supports me in my education and likes to plan dates and buys me gifts and plans experiences that I have never done before. My bf mentions the experience planning to my stepdad. One time my bf spoke to my stepdad that he planned a day trip for us two. My stepdad then spoke to my mom when we had left, ridiculing my bf for being very in love with me and being able to buy me a lot of things because my bf also lives at home too. My bf makes a good living in his career. My bf’s family is very family orientated and invite me over for their family dinners. I loved this and hoped I could do that with my side of the family too since my side of the family also has family dinners. My mom asks my stepdad if it’s okay to invite my bf and he refuses.
Just last week, I was going to a family dinner on my side of the family but before that, I planned to spend some time with my bf because I hadn’t seen him that week because of school. My bf wasn’t expecting to be invited but I feel bad that he’s not. My bf dropped me off at my house and as we were getting out of the car my bf was going to go shake my stepdad’s hand who was in the garage, my stepdad looks at him turns away and closes the garage as we were walking up the driveway. My bf took it as he wasn’t welcomed and went home. I then went through the front door where my stepdad was and had the front door opened for me. I don’t really know what to think.
The last time I was in a serious relationship was when I was 19/20. I am also working on prerequisites to apply and start nursing school next year. I plan on living at home while doing the accelerated nursing program. Should I ask my stepdad if he has a problem with my bf? I really wanted my bf to be accepted into my family, my mom seems to like him but my stepdad seems to have some problem with him. I don’t understand why.
My mom is another story. When I speak to her about what my bf got me she doesn’t seem happy and gets mad at me for accepting big gifts. I mention, I like something and he buys me it. My school bag broke and he bought me one. When I talk to her about our experiences together and dates my bf took me on, she doesn’t ask questions or is very dry in her responses and makes a sarcastic wow face. When I speak to her about acts of service he does for me, she immediately mentions how my stepdad does that for her too. Some of the things my bf does for me and my stepdad doesn’t do for her, she doesn’t say aww how sweet but stays silent or ridicules him for being in love with me. She also tends to immediately go to comparing which I don’t know if she knows she’s doing that or not, instead of hearing my experience. I would confide with her about everything in my life before I began this relationship. So it makes me sad that I can’t share my happy moments to the person I confide in. She makes side comments saying “wow to be young and pretty.” My stepdad and my mom are 50/50, and my stepdad expects everything to be done for him. He rarely does anything for my mom and I feel sad for my mom. I’m just overthinking and hoping someone would give advice on how to handle this.
Tl;dr: I live at home and my stepdad doesn’t seem to like my boyfriend. Should I talk to him about this or stop bringing my bf at home to get to know my family? Also, should I just stop mentioning all the details about my relationship to my mom? Any advice or others who have experienced something similar wanting to share would be greatly appreciated.