Just realized this today.
My whole life, the term "man up" is almost always followed by…NOT something that would benefit the man for example "Man up and take a mental health day" it's almost always "man up and…do XYZ for me as a woman" or "man up and down XYZ for your woman."
Or "A REAL man would do XYZ for his woman!"
Maybe it's just me lol.
30 comments
No.
Anybody who says
“real masculinity is…”
“A real man does…”
You can pretty much disregard whatever comes next.
I hate that phrase. In my life (40yo) it’s always been another guy telling me to man up because he thinks being macho is cool. I’ve never once had a woman tell me this.
If a woman did, she’d be out of my life pretty quickly.
I’ve never heard it used like that but instead always heard it used to egg on another man into doing something of questionable intelligence.
Example: stop being such a pussy, time to man up and do a front flip off the roof into the pool (bad idea)
Lol laugh at them, and walk away from them
Man up and take it like a man.
I can’t say I have. Usually I see it in the context of something that requires bravery. “Man up and jump off the high dive” for example.
In my experience, I’ve never had a woman say that to me. It’s usually men trying to enforce some macho standard.
Nope. I’d probably stop spending time around people who talked to me like that though.
Was there a specific person who regularly used this expression with you?
Simply mentally complete the phrase “A real man would…” with “not be interested in anything further this person has to say.”
Nope, only men have said that to me.
TBH I don’t know if I’ve ever heard a woman use this in the way you’re describing. Do you have a specific example of something somebody said?
I don’t think I’ve ever seen that exact phrasing.
I’m more likely to see and say, “man up and stop being a little bitch/pussy/girl”
I suppose the context of the “man up” could be in favor of a woman, but I don’t think that’s the rule
My wife started trying to sprinkle this in during fights about a year ago. “Be a man and -“
She’s not a saint when it comes to twisting the dagger when heated due to fight of flight trauma of the past.
I ate it a couple times but she especially didn’t like it when I said, “Woman up and go make me a sandwich, and do my laundry, clean the house, and have dinner prepared for me every night, that’s the double standard you’re arguing right now.” She hated it for the night, but I got my point across. And she hasn’t interjected it since.
Absolutely toxic statement in any form.
As a man in his early 50’s. I can’t say I’ve ever heard this.
I’ve heard plenty of “Man up,.. and push through the pain”. .or “Man up and quit complaining” or “man up and pay the higher cost” or whatever.
I don’t think I’ve ever heard any variation of “man up and do x for me as a woman”
OP I read your replies explaining your experience with this. It honestly sounds pretty toxic and manipulative/abusive. Perhaps it’s being used by good people who were manipulated themselves. However I can’t help but reflect that myself and many of the others here have never heard someone close to us use this phrase that way or say anything in the same line of thinking. If these comments are coming from people who you care about and care about you, I encourage you to discuss this with them. It’s not cool and it’s not typical.
From women? Not in my experience.
However I’ve heard *men* use phrases such as, “man up” and “a real man does/doesn’t do [X]” in order to manipulate, motivate, or shame me.
edit: Hell, there’s a whole cottage industry of creepy influencers and gurus out there merrily grifting young men with that very bullshit.
No. I have mostly heard it in relation to not being a good father. As in, “Man up and go see your son.”
Note: I am not a father. I have heard *others* say this to other men.
I’ve only ever seen this used as a means to tell a man to take responsibility for his own shit, or back his words with action.
TBH it’s really only a phrase that men should use with each other. There’s no context where a woman saying this would have any positive outcome.
I’ve never heard it from a woman. And, any man who would say that to me would very quickly not be my friend.
I suppose this is a reflection on the type of people one hangs around (or a reflection on the person himself). Also, this type of behavior from people who are 30 or older is freaking weird. This is one of the reasons I’d never go back to being younger than 30.
Naw man up is followed by handling your fucking business
I’d disagree. In my experience it has historically been men saying “man and up…” to other men. I don’t think I’ve ever once heard a woman tell a man to man up.
In my experience, it’s usually men who say shit like “man up”, and try to police other men’s gender performance. Maybe I just associate with a better class of women.
I don’t think I’ve ever heard it except as a joke.
No. I’ve heard it used to uphold an expectation of traditional masculinity. I don’t think man up is something that only exists to “benefit women”. It’s probably said more by men, to be honest
Maybe this is a jurisdiction thing.
IME man up had always been something one man may say to another. It would be in the context of getting him to do something difficult or to get back up and try again.
Down the thought rabbit hole I would say “be a man” fits what you are describing.
I often find quite the opposite.
It’s just you.
Can you be more specific? What are the men being asked to do?