This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own.
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Why do they only talk about themselves on dates? How can someone monologue for half an hour?? Can he not see I’ve stopped asking questions and offering breadcrumbs about myself for him to riff off??? The only question he asked was “What did you like about my profile?” Wtf bruv
Has anyone experienced a sudden loss of friendships when entering a good relationship?
I’ve been there myself where I’ve lost friends because they started obsessing over a new man and start ignoring/neglecting friends. I’ve always worked hard to not do that.
Most friends I lost over the years were to parenthood, sad for me but they prefer to give their energy to friendships with other moms. The hardest were the others that flaked out after I finally found myself in a happy relationship.
Married before (miserably) and bad dating experiences. They were there for it all… and always loved getting the drama stories from my relationship or bad dates. Within a few months of dating my current partner, they all just faded away. It was like if I didn’t have the drama to share they didn’t want to see me anymore.
I tried to talk to them, tried to set up outings/visits, even offered to cover event tickets… only to get mostly ignored and cancelled on. It’s been 10 months since I saw what used to be my best friend of 20 years, all I get to messages is a heart emoji, lol, “that’s crazy” or “love that for you”. Last time I saw her in public, she was with a new friend and turned her back when I went to say hello.
I also question if since these friends in particular attempted dating before electing to not believe in relationships/men, they don’t want to see or hear that I’m happy.
It is hard to accept that my seemingly full life a year ago has turned into only having my partner, family and work friends. I find it so much harder finding and making friends at this age, especially since I am more introverted. I’ve tried the other women in my boyfriend’s circle but again they are new moms who gravitate to the other moms.
I just wanted to vent this out a bit and see if others have similar experiences.
Managed to take myself to the movies last night. I saw Bugonia, it was amazing, but I missed having his hand to put in front of my face at the gross parts and to hold during the rest.
But! I only cried once I got home! A Win!
I was totally ugly sobbing when I realized my roommate and his girlfriend had come into the apartment and I didn’t hear. You know, on account of the sobbing. 🙃
I (32F) went on three dates with someone who felt unexpectedly special to me. What made it hit so hard wasn’t the length – it was the connection over something as specific as music. I’m deeply into Linkin Park, Blink-182 (Most emo/alt rock bands) and live shows, and it’s a part of me most people don’t share or understand. He did. Instantly. It felt like being seen in a way I haven’t ever experienced before. I could be entirely myself around him, and it was…calm. I felt calm and confident and proud of myself.
Everything felt easy and grounded, which is rare for me (meaning – it never happens). So when he suddenly ended it, saying he didn’t feel a romantic connection, it blindsided me.
I’m realizing how niche that kind of shared world is, and how meaningful it was to find. Now I’m grieving the loss of something that barely began. It’s bizarre. On one hand I KNOW that my reaction is out of proportion to the length of the time I’d known him, on the other hand – I’d truly not felt this attracted to anybody’s mind and personality before. I am very aware that I’m the problem in how I don’t connect with a lot of people even though I am spoilt for choice. He was the exact opposite of my usual type, and the only reason I swiped on him in the first place was because of our taste in music. And then I started to get to know him – and really admired who he was as a person.
I’m pretty sure I scared him off. Our pacing was off – I’m ready to start dating seriously. He is (probably) still recovering from his last breakup a year back where he really had his heart broken when she cheated on him. He brought her up 3 times on our first date lol. I didn’t do ANYTHING inappropriate, but at one point I did ask him if he really saw this developing into a romantic connection, because I couldn’t always tell from his texts. He sent me a long message then explaining his slow pacing and reassuring me that he really was into me and wanted to see how things developed. He also shared that he typically takes months to get to know anybody, and doesn’t really like to text/call, or do any of the things which I’d want from someone who I’m developing a relationship with.
Despite his sweet message, he started pulling back. I respected his space – I did not initiate texts, dates, or ever double text. I let him set the pace. But a week later – I got the dreaded “I think we are in different places right now in terms of what we want and expect from a relationship”. I was really sad, but thanked him for being upfront and wished him the best. That’s the last I heard from him. I wish I’d never asked him to clarify his pacing, it’s that dang message that changed things.
Has anyone else had a short connection linger because it touched something deeply personal or rare? How did you move through it? I haven’t really wanted to date anybody since, and am stuck on something that didn’t even have a chance to grow into a relationship.
To clarify – first two dates were incredible. He was extremely attentive, lasted for hours and hours where we just talked. He made the plans, seemed very into me. And then – whoops.
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Catching a not insignificant amount of women watching me climb and I have to assume they’re thinking “wow he has horrible technique”
Dating a break from the apps/dating is both relieving and depressing at the same time.
Went on a date last night, the guy seem to be mirroring and it was a turn off.
Sometimes the short-lived relationships hit hard when they end. Was dating a guy for a month (which is the longest I’ve dated anyone in 2 years). Things ended due to incompatible relationship styles monogamy (me) vs poly (him). If things were just a bit different, I think we would have been good together.
I have kept a lot of emotional space for a man with whom I had developed a nice connection but who was not ready for a relationship when we met. Long story short I was always there for him and he also contributed to an important decision in my life, we built a bond, but when the time came and he felt ready for a relationship, he chose someone else…
In any case, I just find it so difficult to date in 2025. I think I have quite an active social life (apart from partying which I don’t do that much) and I meet people but just not any potential love interest. I feel like everyone I meet is either not a match/ someone I am not interested in, or not serious, or in a long term relationship. I just don’t know where to meet someone anymore.
Admittedly I might have “high standards” or at least standards that match what I am able to bring in a relationship but when I actually list these standards they seem like the bare minimum. I just want someone somewhat presentable and healthy, who is reliable, knows what he wants in life, well educated and well spoken, open-minded and curious with an international outlook, and that’s pretty much it to be honest…
Anyone I meet is just surprised when they find out how uneventful my love life is. And I am just so tired of searching and I believe indeed that it is better to be alone than with the wrong person, I tell myself that it will happen when I least expect it and all that, and I do mostly approach every day from a place of abundance and joy because I am genuinely happy with my life and I just hope that I can share all the love I have inside and all the beauty of life with someone, but sometimes I can’t help but feel a sense of lack because this is the only area in my life in which I am not fulfilled…
Date with Reddit Guy:
Met for coffee. He paid. We chatted about books and technology and how the internet and focus on technology in society might be a huge mistake.
We walked to a little park with a bench, continued talking about societal issues, education, etc. We have that ADHD conversation thing where there are a lot of tangents and redirection and circling back to a point after awhile, but it’s ok because the other person follows your line of thinking, and that’s nice.
Moved to another little park area, sat by a fountain and talked about dating, male and female relationships and friendships. He asked me out again, to which I said yes, and then asked if I wanted to continue right then to a cool place he knew. I actually felt comfortable saying “No, not right now,” and explained it was a need for R&R and general desire to spend time alone. I am not usually able to do that without feeling uncomfortable, or feeling the need for some hemming and hawing, beating about the bush, etc.
He gave me a side hug at the end, but no unsolicited touching throughout the date, which I appreciated.
He’s tall, and fairly attractive and of a type I could see myself with, but I found myself wondering during the date if I would be sexually attracted to him, and I just don’t know yet.
Driving home, I thought about how it was nice to easily converse and not have stilted conversation, and for there to be a man that thought about some of the same things with a similar level of depth and articulation as I did.
On the way home, I briefly thought about my not-quite-right person, but it wasn’t that I was thinking of him in the same situation, or doing the same things as Reddit Guy. I already know him, and his feelings, and many of his thoughts on issues. I already understand his patterns of thinking about things. So driving home, I just briefly imagined an embrace, our foreheads touching, and the quiet comfort of it… Because I think of him like I think of home, like rest, like he’s my sense of calm.
And I’ll never have him, not like that, and I’m yearning for and missing something that can never be. I know I need to release that image of myself with *him* and focus on who is in front of me….and I don’t know if or when I’ll get there (that sense of home, stillness, calm, and understanding) with someone else, Reddit Guy or otherwise, but I think that feeling is what I’m aspiring toward.
Sometimes I wish the picture in my head were a little less complete, so I wouldn’t have to smooth out the creases and cut away *his* face every time I unfold it to look at my dreams. C’est la vie.
When a girl asks you about exclusively dating, what does that mean to you?
I think fucked up a potentially good thing by asking too early. And I think the guy thinks it was me asking to be in a relationship. I asked for exclusivity since we’ve been intimate. And I don’t have a desire to date other people. He said he isn’t seeing anyone else at the moment either.
I think I might need to clarify with him what I meant? Chat, what do we think lol
I can’t stop crying over a guarded man in his late thirties who overthought our relationship from the beginning, kept me at arms length, and made no real effort to keep me when all I wanted was to stay. I know he’s probably too complicated, self-protective, self-focuses, and risk-averse to make a partner happy. But I still blame myself for having a meltdown due to feeling he was pushing me away when things were great. I broke it off out of self respect; then we concluded we misunderstood each other’s words to an extent, but things were already broken. And I’m hurting a lot.
No contact check in! Post what you want to say here, hold others accountable, etc here!
Anxiously attached, on day 10. WOW! Day 10. This feels like a huge accomplishment. I remember on day 2 being like “maybe day 7 would be good to check in…” NO! stay strong💪I say this, but my anxiety has actually been very high today and I’m overthinking all of it lot.
TYSM to everyone yesterday who gave me the strong but helpful messages yesterday with so many reality checks. You are all so right and without your support, dont really know what I’d do. I have always had a lot of empathy for what someone is going through on the other side of things but it seems to be more and more at detriment to myself.
For the past few months he slowly eliminated me from his life. Canceled plans and uninvited me to social events. In late August he needed “time and space,” and since then our relationship has been a roller coaster. We’ve had multiple conversations and were never able to fully resolve our issues, which stemmed from him being “unsure” about me. We went from spending 3 days a week together to a few hours a week. I became less and less of a priority to him. It took him 7 months to realize I’m not it.
He didn’t even have the decency to give me my stuff back…
I feel numb, relieved, and devastated all at once.
90 per cent sure an ex I haven’t spoken to in a few years was on my flight yesterday. Sweated out the empty seat next to me until take off haha. Was that her with a coffee at the gate, or is my brain playing tricks on me? Had a bad dream about her last night. I always liked the lyric from Alvvays ‘if I saw you on the street would I have you in my dreams tonight?’ So I guess the answer in her case is yes.
Weird Subway Guy (42 M) randomly texted last night after almost a week of radio silence asking for a second date. I will gently turn him down today.
I decided to reach out to Engineer (32 M) with a light, cute voice note about influencing me to buy some Turkish coffee and a cezve pot (Turkish coffee pot) after he made some Turkish coffee for me at his place. Crickets. I guess turning down the overnight stay was too much for him, or maybe he can’t accept I am still going on dates with other men. If that’s the case, not seeing each other again is for the best.
I exchanged some very cute voice notes with Journalist (39 M) ahead of our dinner date on Friday night. So far he is definitely my favourite in terms of having a good mix of physical spark and intellectual chemistry.
Film Buff (37 M) also reached out in a super respectful and sweet way. No second date planned yet but I’m confident he will get there.
I’ve had this years-long pattern of dating people who will seem very interested in me, date me for months or even years, and then pull the rug out from under my feet for seemingly no reason. I know I’m the common denominator but I don’t know why this keeps happening.
I (31f) feel like I’m not ready or willing to get back into dating after taking a break which is now 1.5 years after my last breakup. I’ve been consistent with therapy, fitness, and career goals and also attending school again part time. Reconnected with my friends. And just overall focusing on bettering myself, but I still don’t feel “perfect” for a new potential partner. I feel like I’ve put this needless pressure on myself probably because I judged how I measure up the last time I was on the dating apps. Why would someone want to be with me if they’re constantly matching with countless other amazing woman? I’m also not getting any younger. I’m not unattractive, but I’m also not an IG influencer bombshell. Maybe modern dating is just not a game I’m willing to play because I’ve been enjoying my peaceful solitude too.
Finally found the perfect woman, but she ended up having to move out of state. We’re still keeping in touch but long-distance isn’t either of ours thing.
Welp that’s my luck…back to square one. Single at 34 and never had girlfriend.
We’ve been talking for months, been out on 4 dates over the past 5 weeks. Last night we held hands and we’ve kissed the last couple dates. I’m 37, he’s 38. I want to tell him that all I can think about is making out with him, or that next date, I think we should include a make out session! Is this dumb at this age? Is there another way to say it? I’m not ready to sleep together, and he’s been very respectful but the flirting has gotten a bit heavier. I just don’t know how to do dating very well at this age. I’ve been a wife, and a serious girlfriend. I’ve not been in the game for a bit. Feedback??
I saw my ex for the first time in over a year today, to return some of his things I found. The last time I saw him was when I broke things off. We were together for over a decade. I’m in a much better place now, I’m feeling better about myself and I’m in a relationship that feels healthy, supportive, and peaceful. I’m now realizing how much slack I cut him even in the small details of our relationship, how disrespectful he continuously was and is to me. I found his stuff, didn’t trash it, kept it safe, and made an effort to return it. I never got a thank you for it, just a complaint that I reached out first to a third party instead of him directly. When I saw him, we were cordial but I held my guard up, and it saddens me that I have to. It makes me sad that my boundaries have to be so firm, so intense, with this person who was so special to me for such a long time. I wish we could be in each other’s lives somehow, but I am too hurt by what I went through, and I don’t think he’s made any real effort to examine the reasons we broke up and the harmful behaviors he was engaging in.
You think you’re healed until you meet the very thing that broke you, then you realise you’ve barely made progress. That’s me right now
Evenin’ y’all! May you feel the fear, then do it anyway.
Welp, the guy I’ve been seeing for a month told me he wasn’t feeling it. I’m a little disappointed but not sad. We had a lot in common and I thought there was good potential, but it was missing a degree of excitement and enthusiasm. He didn’t make me laugh and there was never that “I can’t wait to see you again!!” energy. If we had gone out again I was trying to think of a way to say “can we dial up the energy a little bit”. I could never tell if he was nervous/inexperienced or very Type B or just not that into me, and I guess I got my answer. Oh well. On to the next!
I went to the meetup, and it went well, met lots of cool people, this is definitely going to become a regular thing for me, she and I got along well as usual, just not a romantic thing anymore, but, you know……stranger things have happened.
There is potential to meet someone as part of this group. I’m a helper, so I helped everyone with their stuff, and I’m pretty sure a couple of the older women are in love with me because of it, so maybe they’ll put in a good word lol
And I have a date at 7, and she and I have gotten along quite well in text, so we’ll see.
It’s been a good day.
Approaching six months with my love, and going steady!🥰
We have tickets for him to come for Thanksgiving (if the planes are still working, lol). This is the first time I’ve ever formally brought someone home. He’s spoken with my parent on FaceTime, and that went well. My sibling was brief but should be fine. Everybody loves him because why wouldn’t they? He’s wonderful and loves me exactly as I desire to be loved. I’m excited for this next step!
I keep meaning to write Hinge a thank you letter lmao.
I got dumped yesterday after 3 months of dating so maybe this is no more than a rant. He sent a text, offered to meet if I wanted to talk about it but I didn’t think that was necessary. His text said he enjoyed our time together but doesnt see a long term fit. A couple years ago another guy whom I dated for over a year said the same thing . It’s so disheartening, I am 37 , I am still hoping I can have kids someday soon, I dont know what I am doing wrong. I am so tempted to ask him to meet in person in a couple weeks to ask this question objectively but maybe that’s just my brain doing its usual gymnastics
TL;DR : how do I figure the gaping hole in me not having long term potential
Went on a very spontaneous date with a Bumble match. Nice enough guy but won’t see him again since there was some obvious dishonesty when filling out his profile.
Still, first time I made a low stakes date like that and the world didn’t blow up so… progress.
Currently still twisting myself up about the guy I have a very determined crush on & not wanting to make the shared activity uncomfortable. I am, however, succeeding at being awkward myself because any time I catch this incredibly attractive, intelligent guy watching me, my brain shuts off. Smooth, I most definitely am not.
Had a family gathering today for my grandad’s 90th and they were all beside themselves at the announcement I finally have a bf 😆 they all asked when they could meet him but they’re quite intense and loud as a group so feel like I need to ease him in gently 🙈
I had a date straight out of a rom com this weekend. We picked up a book from a used book sale at the local library and walked to the park, stopped along the way for snacks and he bought me flowers. We laid in the grass while he read aloud to me, fed me grapes and put the flowers on my chest so I could smell them as I rested. The sky was perfectly blue.
The guy I started it with was not the guy I ended it with. The guy I started it with was interested and showed affection. He made me feel wanted. The guy I ended it with liked to brag to our friends about how good what we had were while I felt unappreciated and unwanted. And he thought that was good?
Someone is going to come for me for this but I have trouble with the idea with having a “full life” outside dating someone. I feel all-consumed after getting involved with a new person. I actually think liking someone is more negative for the type of person I am than it is good.
I don’t have a full life. I don’t have a large and engaging social-circle. I have a friend I get together with every other week, and I have a full time job, but I recently canceled my gym membership because I hate the gym, and small debt has me not wanting to indulge in a bunch of recreational classes at the moment, so I don’t have much going on. I go to local haunts alone, and spend a lot of time indoors but I can be an interesting and alluring person too. I’m sure some women can relate to me here.
The guy I’m dating is a kind person and initiates. I oblige because, well, I’m interested and don’t want to go all-in on the notion I have to let him chase, I want to see him. I just want a full life for myself and to have other things going on but right now my world is a bit docile? Is this contentment or am I boring? I recently traveled alone and then I met him and while I should be planning to find a different state to live in (the initial goal), I find that this new thing makes me stand with both feet on the ground for once. I hide my anxious attachment very well and I don’t want to divert from my plans but I’m writing this while drinking a Truly and pacing because I feel like a languishing blob.
I’m pretty smitten with this guy. We were walking earlier today, and my new shoes dug cuts into my ankles ‘til they bled, and he seemed pretty serious about letting me wear his shoes while he walked in his socks (on a biking path, mind you). Chivalry.
What is my life right now?
My brain when we’re together: this is wonderful! I am calm, body is relaxed, I feel present and optimistic about what we might be building here.
My brain hours later when we’re apart: what if he loses interest, what if I die suddenly, is he losing interest now, waiting 4-5 days to see each other again sux, I know I don’t actually need to be texted all the time but it wouldn’t hurt to get a little message right now
I guess all the messy attachment stuff doesn’t just magically go away when you find someone who is secure[-presenting] and reciprocating your affection. 😅
Avoidant over thinkers 👎👎👎👎👎
Any advice on how to support my anxiously attached partner? The tl;dr is that she feels like she loves me more than I love her. There is no amount of anything I can do or say that changes this. I love her, so so much. I have overhauled my life to prioritize her.
I just want her to be happy. I don’t want her to be hurt. How do I help?
Is there a reliable way to rewire your brain to a point where you don’t assume “buying affection” is the only way you could ever receive any? For the record, I am in therapy
A random stranger just told me I’m beautiful while I was walking home from the drugstore. Keep the compliments coming, universe. I’m a downtrodden, lonely middle-aged woman desperately in need of encouragement 🥲
The US guy is continuing to text me a bit, I want to ask if I’m someone he would consider dating if we were in the same locale. Or there’s too much wrong or not good enough with me, and I’m still only as good as a placeholder. (As M saw me).
Thoughts while brushing my teeth:
It’s funny how many days at the work conference it can take to sort out one’s mind about a potential new dating partner met there.
I guess it’s just not every day that you run across someone uniquely attractive…gorgeous eyes…well-traveled and happens to be as crazy about dancing as you are, et cetera.
But my bottom line is that for me, the whole ‘zero interest in having something strictly platonic’ aspect – in other words, chemistry – just has to be there for me. Not to mention the need for that feeling to be tingling in way that’s obviously mutual.
Spending time with her doesn’t feel draining like it does with most people. It’s rejuvenating.
tonight, i feel numb. for the past 4-5 weeks, there was someone. he lives two hours’ drive away so we only met on weekends. i accepted the first few dates because he seemed pleasant enough. then as i was getting more excited, he was stepping back.
i dislike reaching out and ‘chasing guys.’ at the encouragement of some online friends, i reached out. he always replies politely. to me, there’s an aching pain that he’s not setting up another date.
Rant/Vent: Been seeing a pleasant woman. 8 dates(over 1.5 months) She makes time for me always but I feel that she may not be as interested. No physical intimacy (couples kisses here and there, hand holding and hugging). Just feel like pulling back as I’m so drained and barely have time to date multiple people at once due to a demanding job
What is the nice way to turn someone down who just isn’t reading the room?
He reached out with a message after we matched asking what I’m passionate about and I intended to message back later that evening when he messaged me again and invited me to karaoke with his friends. I kind of panicked and agreed to coffee since my movie was starting, and he messaged me again today about “touching base” on arranging the date in a way that I usually reserve for rescheduling doctors appointments.
I don’t want to ghost him because he seems genuinely clueless about how this is coming off (like nuerodivergent clueless) but I sure don’t want to go on a date with him now when I didn’t feel 100% interested to begin with.
This is gonna be a long one again so lock in or skip.
Took myself out to a local theme park this evening that I have a membership to. There’s a local sports ball team that’s doing quite well for itself. Unbeknownst to me when decided to go, park is hosting a watch party (funny aside but if anyone remembers super cutie match app who was/is very slow in response time, he works for the organization). There is a much higher percentage of men than usual here who aren’t obviously married/part of a couple.
Was watching something and noticed a worker with a super cool job off in the distance who looked cute. I was thinking about how much more I enjoy in person flirting vs app convos. Couldn’t catch cutie in a uniforms eye so moved on.
Was watching something next door and vaguely noticed a group nearby. And after looking away, thought oh shit that’s a guy who sent me a like on hinge. Looked back real quick and noticed him also looking. Looked away. Looked again just before walking away, and if he didn’t recognize me from the apps, he was at the least checking me out (but I think he recognized).
And I ran (not literally) away. He was actually not bad looking and I can’t remember why I even noed him (which I must have bc likes are cleared and he’s not in my convos) because I don’t recall any dealbreakers and did sit on his profile for a while.
Whyyyyyyy am I like this, not sure if I want to run into him again or not (but he was in a seemingly multi adult family group with strollers so hopefully he’s the funcle).
Like clockwork, we reach the 2/3month point and he pulls back and starts disappearing. 🤡
I miss the companionship. Making her smile. Doing the little things just to make her day a little easier. Like making sure she had gas and lunch every morning before work. Supported her business, even if that was at the expense of my little free time. I took pride in her; like look at her! Isn’t she great!
I know I am loved, but it’s not the same. It’s platonic.
It’s not her miss anymore. I miss the feeling of being in love. The acts and showing of a more intimate relationship. The way they look at each other. The small touches, the inside jokes. Some people are just lucky. I’m glad those around me who’ve found their person are happy. I’m trying to watch and learn.
Anyone else struggling with body image? My ex-husband was very damaging to my body image (he projected his insecurities on me). I gained weight from anxiety meds and he tried to control what I ate and how much I exercised. At some point, he claimed not feeling any sexual attraction. We didn’t even had s*x in our honeymoon. I’m not obese, but I’m chubby (around 5’3″ and 149 pounds/68 kg). I’ve been exercising and losing weight.
I’ve been concerned about how the majority of people on dating apps are into gym and showing off muscles and their body. It might be my trauma speaking, but I feel sad. I have full body pictures but not wearing bikinis or showing a lot of skin. I feel like my face must be nice because of the matches I get…
Any tips are appreciated! I’ve been doing therapy, but ofc this has been on my mind since just the thought of intimacy now freaks me out.
I went to a speed dating event tonight and there were more women than men.. when men picked which tables to sit at no one sat at my table… it was semi soul crushing … dating as an avg looking woman is rougher than it seems .. my looks aren’t my best quality