hey, im Jeff, 18MFTM and i once had a friend, i can't remember his exact age but it's around 18-19M. I know this will sound silly but im just sensitive and stupid definitely.
I will call this guy Matt, so me and Matt met on Amino (yeah, bad place) earlier this year but we became close really fast. We bonded over music mostly. He's Spanish but lives in America and as we got closer he'd call me stuff like 'tesoro' or 'angelito'. My usual nickname is gatito though because my online name is k1tty. I really miss when he called me Gatito.. Anyway, even though we only knew each other for about a month, I felt a really deep connection with him. He was the first guy that genuinely made me feel loved. He was so gentle and loving with me. He knew I'm trans and didn't treat me differently from other men, sees me as equal.
The two of us would say things like I love you to each other and such, I would draw him a lot too as I am an artist and I tend to draw people that I love. I noticed our friendship started to grew apart when he got to the ER due to an allergic reaction and couldn't talk to me for a while. After that it was fine, but then he mentioned he was going camping so there's a few more days of him not being able to be online. Matt is the type of guy to not have socials, he only downloaded discord because we planned to watch Breaking Bad together which is his favourite show. He doesn't even have Instagram, had a TikTok but it was private with no posts.
When he was back from his camping trip he texted me but i replied late because I was in class at the time. After that he did reply to me but again, I was in class, I can't reply yet. By the time I checked his messages, it's all deleted and he had left the conversation (you can do that on amino). He deleted all his social media, switched his username on amino to 'hasta luego' which means see you later in Spanish or whatever. Seeing that in class immediately ruined my mood and I couldn't focus in class after that. So much about being pony soulmates.
We last spoke on the third of June and I still think about him. I tried moving on or finding someone else to like but it all feels wrong. A voice in my head tells me he's gonna come back and I'd regret finding another man. It's like he was my first true love even though we never even dated. It's hard for me to ever find him because like I mentioned, he's the type of guy to not have any social medias. I miss him a lot, there are times id pretend idgaf but deep down I just want my Matt back. One of my friends called me gatito once and I got so shocked I told him to never call me that ever again because it's what Matt used to call me.
Am I silly for not moving on? How can I move on? Have anyone went through a similar situation? It feels like part of me is missing and lost forever after he left. It sucks that we share so many interests together so now that he's gone every time i look at the medias we enjoy together, I would think of him. His last message to me was "Love you lots" ..yeah thanks or whatever. I love you too, wish you'd come back.