Hello Reddit
I’m in peculiar situation-ship that I’m having trouble navigating and would like your valued thoughts on the dilemma.
I (20) have been speaking with a girl (18) online for about roughly 2 and a half months now. We live in the same city roughly 20 minutes from each other, but have never actually seen each other in person. We text a reasonable amount and facetime here and there. The first few weeks we got to know each other pretty well and would play video games together over the phone. It was very much casual up until she slightly expressed feelings while being drunk thru text. I was skeptical because I thought she was just drunk, but she reaffirmed it when I asked about it later. And now, it’s been an ongoing talking stage stemming from that day.
Since then, there’s been a number of things that’s been driving me crazy as a guy trying to figure out if this is normal behavior. I’ve been getting the perception that she’s just playing around, maybe using me for attention. I’m not sure. But for starters she’s pretty homebound. And she doesn’t go out much other than with her friends. The first issue is that sometimes she ignores my texts, which is fine, nobody is obligated to answer at lightning speed. But often it goes on for hours at a time and I can clearly see she’s been active on her phone (snapchat shows her “last active x minutes ago” status) since the time i’ve sent a message; Multiple times even. I try not to make it a big deal but I always catch myself looking out for her texts and respond to her relatively quickly.. And so I wonder, if she really wanted to why can’t she? Maybe she talks to other guys? There’s just no knowing unfortunately and there’s definitely a difference in terms of effort towards communication.
The second issue is that she seemingly only ever interacts with me when she has nothing to do. From knowing her in this little time, either she’s with her friends, watching the office, or messing with weed or alcohol. Outside of these 3 things (which take up a significant amount of her time) she will call and text me. Obviously just because we’re talking she doesn’t have to prioritize me over everything but it feels like i’m getting used as a last resort form of attention/entertainment lol. Also, she’s really ever lovey or flirty with me when she’s drunk. Otherwise when she’s sober she’ll flirt with me maybe once every two weeks and that’s about it. It just feels like an everyday friend with the lack of intimacy lol.
Third, we’ve mentioned meeting up a couple times because personally i’m not the best over the phone, much less over text. I’m better in person and feel I can express myself much better and can build a deeper connection that way. I’ve offered to hangout with her a few times in the past but she has had no interest whatsoever. It’s not like i’m gonna force her or pressure her into anything so it was fine with me. But just a week ago she was drunk texting me asking to hangout and I took it as a joke. She then brought it up a few days later saying how she’s always asking to hangout but I’m never down. Keep in mind she’s never asked to hangout other than me. And according to her I should’ve taken her offer serious while she was drunk. But I told her I prefer these kind of decisions be made when sober so it’s really you wanting to and not your drunk persona. Since then she’s been silent about it and so here we are.
All in all it feels like the effort is one sided and just a big waste of time. I’ve come here for help because I want to know if i’m crazy for thinking these things. For the record, all these points have been communicated with her (except the 2nd one for now) and all she does is avoid the subject or bounce back with ignorance. She says that she “didn’t know I was feeling this way,” or “didn’t think what she was doing was really a big deal.” I’ve been constantly getting the notion that she just enjoys my online presence and company, and doesn’t have any interest of pursuing anything really beyond that.
Can someone tell me if this is normal behavior? I am not the most experienced when it comes to relationships, so any and all advice would be appreciated. Thank you