Hi! I’m new to posting on Reddit so forgive me if I’m not in the proper forum or group for this question.
I have a long distance friend I’m close with that I met a few years ago. We are as close of friends now as we’ve ever been. There’s always been attraction and our friendship/sexual tension have survived through periods of literal physical distance, other relationships, not seeing each other for over a year, not talking as much, fighting, hurt feelings on both sides, etc. The sexual tension and connection pick up right where we left off every time we see each other. We talk about deep issues and are vulnerable with each other and he’s always been attracted to me.
After him going back and forth for a few months of feeling “ready” to finally act on our sexual tension, we hooked up over the summer and it was great. But then he spiraled a little in his feelings saying things like despite feeling “completely confident” afterwards, “It’s affected me differently than I thought,” “I’m going hot and cold and I don’t know what to do about it,” and, “I want to be totally honest and transparent with you because I don’t want to be the one who shies away because I don’t want to say how I feel.” His hesitation got the better of him and he backed off and we recently resumed our sexual relationship — but it’s only framed as casual/FWB right now.
(And it’s worth mentioning that he is dealing with deep insecurity issues and has said he is “broken” from a serious relationship that ended officially a year ago, but didn’t cut all contact with her until this summer. He is not in the best place right now.) We haven’t discussed dating, but I don’t think he’s in a place for it anyway as I don’t know if he’s in the best emotional headspace to act on anything with me. I also have no idea what he feels for me aside from close friendship and sexual attraction. (I also know he values our friendship enough to want to protect it, so if he did want to have a relationship with me, I’m sure he would want to wait until he’s emotionally ready.)
It seems to me that if you’re very close friends (potential BFF status) with someone and you find them attractive and have good sexual chemistry…isn’t that exactly what you want? It seems like the makings for a “falling in love with your best friend” kind of story. Frankly, I can’t even say that I would want to be with this version of him anyway and am currently fine with our arrangement, but I’m just curious.
So I’m going to ask you men: overall, are you able to have a sexual relationship with one of your closest friends and NOT feel any romantic feelings for them?