On Tuesday morning, I had my gallbladder removed. I've been with my boyfriend for 9 months now. We both live with our parents at the moment for financial reasons. My dad works during the day and my mom is disabled, so she can't do much on her own around the house. This surgery basically immobilized me and I've had to rely on my mom to help me in and out of bed, in the bathroom, etc. My boyfriend told me he wasn't going to stay with me during my recovery because there was "no point" and I'd basically "just be sleeping the whole time." He lost his job in September, so he's currently unemployed.
The last time he contacted me was Tuesday night. I didn't hear from him at all yesterday or today. I'm thinking that a conversation needs to be had because it upsets me a lot that he hasn't asked me how I'm doing or had any desire to come see me or help out, but I don't know what to say.
I feel like I should also mention that around the 5 month mark of our relationship, I told him I loved him and he told me it was too soon to say that, despite the fact that we had been friends for over a year before we started dating. Like I said, we've been dating for 9 months now and he still hasn't said I love you. My birthday was last month and he said "Happy Birthday" 2 days before it, and then argued with me when I told him he was early, saying that I told him the wrong day. He also did not get me even a small gift, a card, nothing. There have been other times when I wanted to go somewhere or do something, but he didn't feel like it so I ended up doing them by myself.
Is it time to move on? I don't really feel like he gives that much of a crap about me.
48 comments
We date to see if we’re compatible. You’re not getting what you want, which is very little, so you leave. We don’t date and then try to change the other person. It doesn’t work. Move on. He sounds like a real jerk.
>Is it time to move on? I don’t really feel like he gives that much of a crap about me.
Yes, time to move on.
This dude is just with you for his own benefit — he has no interest in putting himself out in any way for you, and will only show up if he gets something out of it. He can’t even be bothered to text you while you’re in recovery, which is the lowest amount of effort.
Yes, it is time to cut him lose. He has shown you that you cannot trust him to be there during the hard times. You have seen that if you are sick or injured, you are on your own. His attitude will likely never change.
The saying, “When someone shows you who he really is, believe him,” is accurate. He sounds like a knob.
I don’t think he’s your boyfriend.
The red flags are everywhere!!! Why are you still with him?
Yes, it is time to move on.
When people show you who they are, believe them.
This man does not care about you. Please let him go.
The man is 36. Lives with his parents. Now he has no job. Doesn’t give a rat’s ass about your surgery. What I’m trying to figure out is why you’re even remotely still interested in this loser.
Don’t contact him again and I’m not sure I’d bother to respond to his calls. He doesn’t care about you – at all.
The bar was on the floor, and he still slithered under it. Move on.
Don’t worry about why he hasn’t contacted you. Take it as a gift and move on. He doesn’t love you and has said so. He didn’t plan to be there for you and is proving it with his actions.
This is not how a man treats a woman he cares about. You can’t turn this into a loving relationship. Take the win and don’t look back
I’m concerned he is just keeping you around for convenience until he finds someone he wants to date more, sadly. It’s normal for I love yous to come at different times, but 9 months in coupled with this awful behavior, I’d be wondering how much he really cares at all. I’m sorry OP, hang in there and I hope your recovery goes smoothly 💖
Lol I only needed to read the first paragraph. Your boyfriend is a loser, dump him by ghosting. If you insist on a conversation it should be a text that says “hey we’re broken up, never contact me again.”
Good bye boyfriend. You’re not compatible and you’d deserve so much more. Don’t take his crumbs
Have someone from your family call him and say you died
He seems like a jerk, honestly. He’s not working but he can’t be bothered to stop by? Fuck that.
How are you feeling?
This person doesn’t like you let alone love you. He isn’t your bf. Take the hint and just stop throwing yourself at him.
i had emergency gall bladder surgery around 2 months ago now. due to being a frequent flyer at the ER(due to the gallbladder we found out) and normally being sent home- my bf went to the gym. and i was pissed. once he found out they were admitting me he asked if i wanted him there. i said that it’s ok bc it was 9 pm. but you know who was at my bed when i woke up from surgery? my bf with a care package. the only thing i remember post surgery is hugging him and him giving me a kiss on the forehead telling me to go back to sleep. dump this guy
This man is barely a friend.
Even a friend would check in on you or ask if they could do anything to help out.
He said what’s the point, because he couldn’t get anything *from* you. Mr. No effort.
I had the same surgery as you. My LDR bf hiked round trip 13 miles, in the snow, to get to a landline to be able to make sure I came out of surgery ok. A few days later, he flew across the country to be with me while I was recovering. We had only met in person *one time*.
My point is, there are people out there that give a shit, and will show up for you. Drop this bozo, he doesn’t deserve you.
He’s incapable of being a good partner. I know you have feelings for him, but the pain of losing him is temporary. The pain of being ignored for a lifetime is much worse. You’ll be better off, I promise. Also, get well soon and happy belated birthday ❤️🎉
My daughter had gall bladder surgery. She stayed at my house to recuperate for a week. It’s not an easy surgery. He should at a minimum call to check on you, especially since he’s unemployed. I’d definitely move on from this jerk.
He’s showing you whether he cares…. He doesn’t so you shouldn’t either. “Bye Felicia”
I’m so sorry but you are not a priority. If he loved you, he would be checking up on you a lot. He’s tuned out.
Definitely time to move on.
First, hope you heal fast. Second, you are only dating! This is the trial part so you already know what needs to be done! So do it and get it over with. He’s holding you back from finding mr. Right.
Don’t be dumb and vulnerable . Any man that wld not check on you or offer his care is not in love with you . Please see this . It will not get any better . There are so many loving and caring men out there. He showed you who he really is . Even if it sucks … just leave now . I have walked in your shoes 😢don’t waste your time . KNOW YOUR WORTH.
KNOW HOW VALUABLE YOU ARE .. someone else with see this in you. I promise
Gosh he sounds wonderful. /s can I have this loser’s number when you’re done? I, too, have self loathing tendencies.
JFC. Being ALONE is better than this. Why? Why would you even put up with it for 4 minutes much less 9 months?
Girl please pay close attention. Your instincts are absolutely right *he does not care* about your health or your wellbeing. There is no conversation to be had that will make him develop empathy. Time and time again I read posts on here about couples who have been married for YEARS sometimes with kids, where the woman suddenly needs surgery and becomes sick, and all the man is is resentful of her for not being able to clean up after him, cook his meals, sexually satisfy him or any of the other things he ACTUALLY cares about.
There is no resolving who he is as a human being. Please take this moment seriously and LEAVE. If you stay, more things like this will happen, you will become resentful of him and you will hate yourself for not showing yourself enough respect and care to leave. You don’t love him, because you clearly didn’t know who he really was. Get away and with time, that feeling of love and attachment will fade and clarity will set in.
This one will not look after you in your most vulnerable state. Remember that. You will be alone as soon as any other inconvenience to him comes alone. He will never show you the kind of love you need.
He hasn’t said he loves you because he doesn’t. He is stringing you along for selfish or cowardly reasons. Men commonly get into relationships while still looking for someone they like better. I wouldn’t even give him the satisfaction of a tearful breakup, I would just completely ghost him.
I literally had to make dinner the night I got my gallbladder out bc my ex husband wouldn’t. Mind you we had a son at the time and he wanted him to go to bed hungry.
Be thankful you’re not financially Tied or have kids with this sorry lump.
I wouldnt reach out to him at all and I’d let this one wind down.
“I’m going to avoid you until your no longer a burden and can actual fullfil the uses I keep you around for”. He won’t care for you when you are predictably sick and for a short period of time, this is the type of man who would divorce you if you had cancer.
He’s not your boyfriend.
So to recap, he’s a bum who is emotionally unavailable and doesn’t extend you the slightest thought or care.
Why are you with him? You know you deserve more right?
It sounds like he hasn’t said he loves you because he doesn’t. I’m sorry, I know that hurts. But if you’re 9 months into a relationship and this is how he is (or isn’t) showing up for you, it’s clear.
I hope your recovery goes well. He is already gone, might need
a bit more to get him out the door.
There are how many billion people on this earth and this is the one you choose? He is sooo not your person – cmon. You should expect the bare minimum and deserve alot more x
This dude isn’t your bf, OP. Simple as that.
Definitely time to move on. When people care for you, they show up, even if it’s no fun for them. He didn’t even consider showing up. Hard deal breaker right there.
Congrats on losing 200ish pounds of a sad excuse for a man lol
Wishing you a quick recovery!
I’m just gonna drop this little ditty that opened my eyes to a bunch of shit:
“I’ll never forget that you knew I was having a hard time and you decided to make it worse.”
Brief story: My uncle (now deceased) was dying a month ago. The man I *was* dating (42, I’m 38) decided to start a fight with me the night before I went to see my uncle for, what would be, the last time. This man proceeded to silent-treat-me for three whole days before/during/ after that visit. Never checked on me during the 6 hour drive home, etc, etc.
The details are irrelevant. If someone cannot show you basic human decency during a time of vulnerability, fucking get away from them.
Shit like this ( your story and mine) are massive indicators that the “man” lacks basic human empathy.
I think you should never contact him again.
When I was 5 months in with my BF, (now husband of 10 years, together for 20) he got me three really nice gifts, flowers and a card, took me to dinner, and came to the small party my family had for me last minute.
When I passed my driving exam he picked me up just so I could drive us both to school that day in his vehicle since I didn’t have one.
When I had my wisdom teeth out he came over and made me Jell-O in my own house.
Any time I have ever been in the hospital he has stayed by my side day and night.
At this point in the relationship he should be DEVOTED to you. He should be making sure your steak is too tender and your lobster is too buttery. He should be so twitterpated that even Bambi thinks he’s gross.
Frankly, he’s too old to be this apathetic and clueless in a relationship. At his great age he should have some sense of how to keep a relationship going. But if he’s unemployed, AND ghosting you, AND reluctant to say “I love you” he’s just not that into you. When I was dating my husband he would have set himself on fire just because I asked. He didn’t need a reason.
Your ex
I don’t think a conversation needs to be had at all. I would block him from all my social media accounts. Block his number on both personal and work phones ( if you have a work phone ). Block him on all email accounts, personal and work ( if applicable ). I would change passwords on any streaming services you pay for, just in case he uses any of them. I would tell my family and friends to ignore him if he contacts any of them to see where you are. You literally disappear and move on with your life. He doesn’t love you. He doesn’t even like you if I’m being honest. Staying with you during a surgery and helping you recover, is the least something, an unemployed shit stain could do for you. Please disappear and do it now. The sooner you do it, the faster you will recover….Not only from your surgery, but from this waste of time relationship.
He doesn’t like or care about you at all.
Dump this asshole along side the gallbladder. He has shown where you rank in his list of priorities and if you were able to get together, he would never take care of you.
You are dating him… he isn’t, sorry sweety, you’re his booty call.
Yep. Move on. I would be there the second my gf woke up. Not to mention he has no job…. So he has nothing but time.
>because there was “no point” and I’d basically “just be sleeping the whole time.”
what do you think “the point” of your relationship is for him? sounds to me like he’s just in it for the sex