hi, im a senior in high school whos currently applying to colleges. i live in bc canada. i really want to study science and ive always had high goals for myself (im one of those people who think getting into a prestigious school matters) but due to illness, ive fallen behind and thus the requirements for the program at university of bc is too much for me and i dont see myself getting in. on the flipside, i think the university of toronto is ideal and i meet their admissions requirements easily. their life science program is great and i really want to go.
so im an only child. my mom is really emotionally reliant on me, shes gotten better through long talks but its still pretty overbearing. she has no friends, doesnt want to make friends, we have no family here, actually the only family we do have are her parents all the way in china (i have literally one cousin on my estranged dad’s side who is also in china and my mom is an only child too), so we are quite alone. its taken a lot of convincing for her to let me apply to an out of town uni and i am scared to even bring up the possibility of me applying to one thats on the other side of the country.
im telling myself that its my choice and that i have the right to go, but i dont know if leaving her is the right choice. i dont want our relationship to dictate my life, but i dont want to leave her alone. if i did leave, she would be completely alone, and probably resent me for it. whats worse is that theres an amazing accounting program at my local college which almost guarantees a well paying job after graduation, but i just really want to study science and cant see myself as an accountant.
there is also a part of me that sees toronto as an escape. my mom and i argue a lot, we are around each other a lot, and its all just, well, a lot. if i went to toronto, i could live alone, get a fresh start, and i wont have the burden of my mom weighing me down. i want to leave, grow wings, and rid myself of this cocoon.
also, in bc, the culture amongst high achieving students here is basically ubc > uoft > anywhere else. most people apply to both and get into either one, then make their final decision, so its not abnormal that my top two choices are located on the opposite sides of the country, its just how we are here. money is also not an issue as my previously mentioned estranged father would pay for my tuition and living fees.
i cant imagine how i would feel if i was a struggling single mom and my only kid up and left me to go to the other side of the country, especially when there is an avenue for a good career future lined up right in our home city. i feel really stuck.
how should i approach this? any advice is appreciated.
tldr: mom is putting emotional pressure on me which is discouraging me from applying to my dream college.