Which things make you feel seen, loved, and appreciated? What makes you feel special?
How often do you want to have intellectual conversations with your partner? How often do you want to talk about your day/frustrations/emotions?
What are you looking for in terms of equality? Do you want to pay for everything, do all of the driving? Do you want a partner who pays her half, shares driving? Do you want a partner who sometimes treats you to dates, too?
How do you want to handle conflict resolution?
Do you value honestly or would you rather not know everything (unless it's something like cheating, etc.)?
Do you want someone who shares the exact same views on everything? Do you want someone with whom you can disagree but share respectful dialogue? Do you want to feel challenged sometimes, or do you want peace always regardless?
How often do you want to have sex? How often do yc want to kiss passionately, or do you prefer not?
Is physical affection like handholding and snuggling and non sexual intimacy also important to you? How often do you want shown non sexual intimacy.
If there's a lull in sex, what kind of efforts would you put in to restore a healthy sex life and what would you expect from your partner?
Let me hear it all, guys. No judgment! what are you looking for in a partner?
13 comments
Just someone who accepts my flaws and my weirdness while also helping me to improve myself. Im rather unbothered by most other things
It depends on the man, personally i’m looking for someone i can have a family with and build a happy household, someone i can show kindness too and they can show kindness back and someone for whom i am their number one priority and they are mine
This reads like datamining.
So you’ve asked a lot of questions. The main qualities I look for in my partner is them as a person as a whole, aka being a decent person. Being able to talk and communicate whatever is on their mind is great, along with being able to go with the flow. Looks attract at first but personalities and interests keep the person. I love going to concerts and just exploring around the city (where the concert is held), would love to have my gf/wife to join me when going there and all the possible places to visit and do stuff in. Aside from that I’m quite simple and down to try almost anything with my partner. Intimacy and such depends on both sides. Find the middle ground and make sure both sides are happy and satisfied. Sometimes it can be 4 times a day, others maybe once a week. Same with kissing, sometimes just go for long make out sessions others times depending on the activity and moments.
Base level, I’m looking for someone who’s on the same page in a few areas: social energy (i.e. how often we stay in vs go out), sexual energy, unambiguous communication of needs, and share at least 1 or 2 special interests. Also, we gotta share some basic values, mainly regarding which human/civil rights we recognize (all of them, ideally), specifics of how we would like to organize systems to protect those rights can vary within reason.
Also, strictly monogamous, full stop, even the mention of introducing ENM to a relationship removes any trust permanently for me, just the way it is, I can’t help it. No judgement, but poly folks can enjoy their lifestyle without me.
Going from bare minimum to more ideal, I want a partner who gives equal effort. Doesn’t necessarily mean we do the same actions to show love, more just that we both will go out of our ways to make each other feel special. From me that might be cooking her favorite meal or giving her a flower on a gloomy day, from her that might look like getting snacks putting on a show I like and cuddling up while patiently letting me spew nerdy trivia about the show, or spontaneous hugs/kisses on a gloomy day. Physical affection is an absolute must for me, both sex and just physical touch in general. I’m pretty inexperienced, only have had 2 partners and had 0 sex in my 20s, but it’s a necessary piece for me to feel loved.
When it comes to paying for stuff, in a committed relationship I only expect that we contribute to the household proportionally. I also would not feel the least bit emasculated if she earned significantly more than me like some men might, in fact I’d support her career advancement as much as I work on improving my own.
Least important is that she fits my “type”. Tbh I can find myself attracted to many different types of women, both in terms of body type and personality, but I’m generally most attracted to women who are petite and slim (I know, not very original), are very talkative and socially active, and very feminine in look and mannerisms. In other words, my exact opposite, being that I’m fat, just a little taller than average, and socially inept lol. Only 1 of the 2 women I’ve ever been intimate with fit that type mostly; I like to think of my “type” as being a description of who I’m most likely to like vs a prescription for who I allow myself to pursue. I like who I like, period.
Imma try answer every question here (I haven’t read it all yet)
I feel appreciated by certain small things something like saying thank you or giving a hug can mean so much.
I feel special by having one on one conversations and by sharing secrets with each other that we tell no one else.
I would like to have intellectual conversations fairly often, I like learning new things so if you find out something new imma want to hear it and if we share an interest in something I like to talk about it.
I’m more of the type to not talk about MY day but I would like to hear about your day and then I would probably feel more obliged to talk about mine.
In terms of equality I would like it fairly equal, but I’m fine with things leaning slightly to one side in certain areas. I would be fine driving everywhere and I would always assume I’m driving without complaint but I would be more than happy being a passenger princess. As for who pays, I think if I ask you on the date then I would expect to pay for it. Being treated every now and then would be nice too. I would prefer to handle conflict by discussion and what we can do to solve the problem before it gets out of control. I would prefer to know everything, if I’m annoying you by doing something then please tell me.
I would like someone who is interested in the same stuff as me but it doesn’t have to be everything, but I would like someone who has generally similar views. If we do disagree on something then I hope we would be able to understand why we think that way and just accept we think about it differently (of course if it’s a major disagreement then it could get tricky). I don’t mind being challenged on things but I don’t necessarily hope for it.
Sex like a few times a week (1,2,3) as I feel if you have it too often it will get mentally exhausting and it will lose some of its joy. Kissing passionately just whenever the moment is right probably a few times a week. Yes physical contact is important, cuddling good at night watching TV or in bed, hand holding in public is preferable but not necessary, non sexual intimacy just good whenever the time is right. If there is a lull in sex then I would like to find out why and then we can try to resolve it, and I would like to see the same from my partner.
I know the layout of this is bad but ehhhhh. Judge awayyyy
Btw this took like 15 mins to type out lol
I’m a big hugger. Although, my personality may lead you to believe otherwise. That means physical touch is one of my love languages both sexual and non-sexual. I’m looking for a woman who has strong morals and values, sees and accepts me for who I am and is not afraid to have fun and laugh at my stupid jokes. I want a woman who will stand by me when things are tough and defend my name in rooms where I’m not present. As I’ve matured I’ve thought more and more about kids and I do want that. I want a woman is kind, caring and gentle but is also a freak in the sheets. I want a woman who wants me as much as I want her. I want a woman who will challenge me to become a better man. We don’t have to agree on everything necessarily but the ability to communicate effectively why she disagrees and the ability to compromise are important as well.
Honestly the main qualities I look for in a woman is growth minded, (this could be like physical, mental and emotional) healthy communication/boundaries a solid citizen meaning great with friends, family, have a great sense of humor, personality and finally bring out the best in me and I bring the best out in them
I strongly believe a relationship takes teamwork and should not be transactional, which is why I avoid potential partners who say things like “I want a partner who provides and in exchange I will give love and support”.
I always say yes to a partner where their ask is reasonable and doesn’t cause harm to either of us, and I would expect the same from them.
Someone who values affection and emotional intimacy.
Also someone who cares about injustice, even where is doesn’t affect them directly.
Someone I find physically attractive. Someone who wants to communicate with me. Someone who wants to be curious with me.
Communication, honesty and loyalty. Someone who can navigate the slow burn between sparks and be okay with it because they choose me every day; love is a feeling, but its also a choice.
Equality – split the bill and chores. Be willing to work. If I made enough money to take care of both of us, I would, but it matters that my doing so isn’t a core reason why the person wants to stay with me. I want a partner who makes me want to want to do more for them. Doesn’t have to always be 50-50, but we’re both adults and I expect some level of autonomy. Small consistent efforts matter more to me than grand gestures. For conflict, my only deal is don’t let resentment fester. If something needs to be brought up and resolved, then do so.
We don’t have to be the same person with the same views and interests (assuming the partner doesn’t treat others poorly). Challenged? Sometimes, but not at war on a day to day basis. The reason we don’t have to be the same person is I’m more of an introvert and a homebody, and someone who balances that out is a good thing as long as they’re okay with that dynamic. Shared social energy is good, but not required.
Intimacy – depends on how you define it. Being able to engage in parallel play is huge for me. Plenty of ways to spice up the physical, that’s something you would find out based on what the partner likes and a certain level of openness to experimentation. Love some kisses, cuddles and handholding though.
You can be each others king and queen and still acknowledge that you’re both human. It’s two individuals in a relationship. Three entities, one shared between the two of individuals. I’m looking for someone who will make decisions minding those things, even if that means things don’t work out and it’s just a matter of being up front about why.
Someone exactly like myself in every way except physical. Since that is an extreme statistical improbability I have never even bothered thinking about dating. I just lurk observing how much others struggle with it, I find it interesting in an anthropological way.
OP, I look for a partner that is not just attractive, but I look for someone who parallels with my own human qualities (i.e. ability to exhibit emotional intelligence, ability to show patience, ability to show empathy, and the willingness to trust in the process when it comes to building ties between myself and my partner). These qualities are what I look in a relationship.