I’ve been dating this guy who’s smart, funny in a quiet way, and a bit awkward , classic nerd energy. I really like him, but I’m not sure how to flirt without making him uncomfortable or feeling like I’m coming on too strong.

I’m used to guys who catch hints fast, but he doesn’t always notice. I’ll compliment his shirt and he’ll smile, then start talking about Star Wars lore. It’s cute, just… hard to read.

We’ve hung out a few times like coffee, a movie night, gaming. There’s chemistry, but it’s subtle. He’ll sit a little closer or send me memes from our inside jokes, and it makes me melt. I just don’t want to mess it up by rushing.

What actually works with guys like this?


30 comments

  1. Stop waiting for him to catch hints,he won’t. Shy nerdy guys overthink everything and end up doing nothing because they’re scared of being “that creepy guy”!!

    You need to be way more direct. Don’t say “I like your shirt,” say “you look really hot today.” Don’t just sit kinda close, actually have some physical contact: like lightly touching his leg when you laugh, leaning in, making it obvious.

    I honestly think he might already like you, just waiting for a clear signal. Umm, so you can practice flirt with nerdy guys on dating simulation sites (like chat-visor) and push the connection forward without it feeling awkward.

    Bottom line, stop being subtle!! Shy guys don’t get subtle. Be obvious and bold.

  2. former nerdy shy guy here…currently a nerdy “confident” guy with fear of rushing things (and therefore often come off as “nice but is not interested”)

    Take the initiative in a not subtle way. Even if you’ll be more direct it still might be too “subtle” because he thinks you just are more friendly than the usual female lifeform.
    If you feel the the chemistry just ask him when you are alone if it’s ok for you to cuddle up with him and if he agrees and you feel him being comfortable with it just go for the kiss. Be the Leia to his inner Han

  4. How did you two even met?
    Genuine question because I’m like him and I can’t meet any girl to begin with

  7. My last girlfriend was giving all of her hints and I didn’t get it until she literally said she wanted to kiss me. Just be straight forward and direct about what you want.

  8. Easy. Be direct. Build up toward it. Then one day out the blue tell him to get closer you have something to say. Then kiss him. If he pulls away you’ll have your answer, if he leans in you’ll have your answer. Easy.

  9. This was me at 22. I knew I had to kiss her. I knew I sucked at kissing. Catch 22.

    The girl snapped me out of it by saying “I want a kiss”.

  10. Be more innocently physical with him, touch his arm, hold his hand, etc.

    See if that helps get things started. If he pulls away from the physical contact, you have your answer.

  11. what if he is my brothers friend?
    I think im really into him but yes he is my BROTHERS FRIEND!!!

  12. nerdy guy here! while i try to read other ppl and adapt to their vibe i am also very careful with not making the girl uncomfortable and look like a creep. i would suggest being more direct sometimes we just need a little help! also, what would you say are the signs you send a guy that you like even if they are subtle. i’m am curious to know!

  14. I mean, have you tried dressing up as Princess Leia? That would be the end of the conversation for me.

  15. be direct but gentle like literally say “I like sitting close to you” because shy nerd dudes don’t parse hints they need subtitles 💀

  17. > What actually works with guys like this?

    So I’m going to talk about medical tests for a second, and I swear it’s relevant.

    When talking to the public, a test will often be said to have a certain “accuracy”, but this can be a little misleading. Internally, it’s actually two stats: sensitivity, and specificity.

    Sensitivity is, given the condition is true, the likelihood that it will come up true.
    Specificity is, given the condition is false, the likelihood that it will come up false.

    So flipping a coin and calling tails every time has a sensitivity of 100% (if you flip tails, you’ll be right every time) but a specificity of 0% (if you flip heads, you’ll be wrong every time) …

    A lot of women run into guys like this and think the issue is either that the guy isn’t interested (which can be the case, don’t get me wrong) or that his hint sensor isn’t sensitive enough.

    But in truth, most of the time it’s not _specific_ enough.

    Around puberty, guys see hints behind every blade of grass. She made eye contact, is she into me? She said sorry after bumping into me, is she into me? She sniffed when walking past, does she like my deodorant because she’s into me? Etc.

    But they learn quick that most of it is false positives, and start ruling out things that they’ve seen meaning other things.

    Eventually, pattern recognition kicks in, and if a guy who doesn’t get a lot of action sees any ambiguity, he takes it as platonic, because the cost of getting it wrong is too high.

    Unfortunately, it’s exceedingly rare that a woman is unambiguous in her approach; consciously or otherwise, being ambiguous protects her from being hurt by rejection. But just like the harness in the prison break in the third Christian Bale Batman movie, it also guarantees her failure.

    If you want the shy nerdy guy, you have to take the gloves off and risk being burned. Clear, direct, and unambiguous.

  19. Be more direct and I can vouch for the physical touch!!! When a girl I was overthinking about began brushing against me often I was very aware of each time because I am never really touched by anyone. She put her self in a group separate from any other woman aside from family.

  20. Find out what he likes and strike up a conversation about it from there you can mix in the flirting and be direct once it gets to that point.

  21. Okay I’m in similar boat as you. And lately I’ve been debating to just ask him directly cauz it’s getting frustrating for me. 
    I’m thinking to just go and ask if he’s into me romantically and if yes, does he wants a relationship or not 😭 is it a bad idea? My friends are against it and telling me to let him catch my hints or whatever but I dont think he will ever. 

  24. We men dont catch onto hints. Not ones your sending out at least. Complimenting a shirt isnt flirting. It s called being nice. So he responded as such. Be direct in a polite way. Start with a compliment and then ask him if you guys can start going out together. He may be nervous. So ask him out for a drink, movie, or dinner.

  25. > flirt with a shy or nerdy guy without scaring him off?

    What do you mean? I’m already in love with you because you asked my opinion.

  26. He isn’t going to do it or he would of done it by now. Im a shy nerdy dude and I never flirt because im afraid im going to come across as creepy or weird or annoying or whatever. You just need to be blunt about how you feel and im sure it’ll work out. Good luck

  27. Just scare him off. If he’s actually scared he’s not strong enough to date you

  30. Parroting several other people here since it can’t be emphasized enough: be direct and don’t drop little hints that you expect him to pick up on.

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