For context, I 23M have always picked the wrong person. Over the years a lot of people have distilled a lot of insecurity into me and it’s affected me in so many ways. Specifically right now, I find myself very far from family distance-wise, I have little to no support system, at least in a way that’s deeply meaningful. I like to think of myself as someone who can offer a lot to relationships, and I enjoy being in them. So even through my journey of trying to be more emotionally sound and unreliant, I’ve been open to the idea of dating.
As of today I’m fresh off four months celibacy because I met someone I really connected with and I won’t lie alcohol and laughing turned into more. During the foreplay of it, my brain panicked and I basically got sent into a panic attack which turned into sadness and I was sobbing in front of him. The alcohol made me dump a lot of troubles, mentioning my active bankruptcy, the trauma of my relationship that ended last year, and I slowly went on into a “I’m not worth it” tangent. He was very sweet and supportive even though he doesn’t know me very well. The sex ended up happening once I calmed down and I stayed over. On the surface he’s forgiving for all of that but I’m incredibly embarrassed, I feel like I ruined my shot with somebody I really am starting to like. I can’t help but feel like the primary reason I’m seeking out support is the same reason why I cannot build that support.
I’ve been told time and time again that I’m a very attractive guy and physically I have some blessings to count, I like to think that I’m funny, caring, and hardworking. I’m just not sure that it’s fair for me to meet these people I really like in the current state of my life, I’m very alone in life and I feel bad bringing somebody into the temporary mess that I’ve made of it. I’m actively working on improving my life but I have a very hard time letting people see my struggles.
2 comments
As a basic rule, you probably shouldn’t be dating anyone very seriously while going through a major personal crisis, particularly one related to a lack of a support system. If you get into a relationship while seeking desperately to build a support system, you’ll end up settling for a shitty dude out of desperation.
Focus for now on building yourself back up and forging your platonic friendships into support systems. When you get drunk, and start going on a long “I love you bros” rant instead of a “I suck” rant, THEN you’ll be ready for a relationship.
I dont think this advice may help but it’s ok to not feel 100% put together when going into a relationship, it took me a long time to accept my own short commings, to realize no one is perfect, we all have our flaws, but sometimes its the imperfections that make life great.