This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own.
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22 comments
I’ve been through some bad heartbreaks, so I know what works for healing and what doesn’t, and I understand healing isn’t linear. But the degree to which I miss my most recent ex is astounding, and 6 months later it feels like it’s still getting worse. Just don’t understand why it feels like I’m making zero progress.
This is agony. I don’t know why I thought things would be different a second go-around.
Curse my soft heart.
Those of you who are firmly childfree or dating for marriage+ children— does the motivation matter?
I feel like men are more vibes based on this, while us women have to be ruthlessly pragmatic.
I dunno which of you play videogames but I’ve been enjoying the heck out of Expedition 33. I really wish I had a woman like Lune in my life. Game’s incredible.
Since u/PopeyeCaramba is late to the party, may you all find the love you deserve ❤️
Ladies who have used dating apps – i often hear that guys’ dating profiles are a cesspit. Basically, zero effort pictures with crappy prompts. In your experience, is this true? I don’t have female friends who actively date and my girlfriend used Hinge for all of like a week before we started dating, so I don’t know anyone I can ask this irl.
Is this a beige flag?
I have a first date scheduled for tonight with a creative type with excellent bone structure. He has called me twice now to chat on the phone, and the conversations go well, mostly flow, *except* last night: there was a bit of an awkward moment when he brought up having not dated because he had been in a nine month relationship that ended three months ago. I asked (because I felt like I was supposed to? It wasn’t something I really cared about, but he seemed to want to tell me) why things ended, and he very haltingly explained why (nothing weird, just normal reasons), but then admitted he was having difficulty talking about it. I asked if he felt like he hadn’t processed it, or if he was feeling guilty (or something else), and he said no. But it was just sort of a weird snag in the conversation and for a minute I wondered if he was one of those guys that needs a woman’s presence in his life to bring up his feelings and work through them? Out of the two phone conversations we have had, that was the only part that was stilted and somewhat uncomfortable, like a bit of forced intimacy (you know like at a work thing when they want to make you bond with your coworkers or something).
The conversation moved on, but I wondered if he was expecting me to do or say something more to him than I did. But really, I just don’t really care as long as you’re not bringing baggage with you?
Is this a thing people do? Am *I* the beige flag here?
my mom has such a deep mistrust/suspicion towards everyone in her life including my dad/especially all men and growing up if i ever expressed something suggesting i was being overly trusting or that i shared some personal info with a (supposedly) trusted family member she would immediately rant at me about how i was being so naive and everyone was out to get me. one of those ‘your parents are the only ones who actually have your best interest at heart and everyone else is out to get you/use you’.
i’ve worked hard to undo this but it’s amazing how a single conversation with her can make me doubt myself and put my guard up again. in some cases, she’s right – it’s been so hard for me to find genuinely reliable people who show up when i need them. really, really hard. i’ve been in a terrible place mentally this year, people have known that who supposedly assure me they care and will show up and then they don’t.
and boys bullied me at school, no boys were particularly nice to me (a not-thin, not-pretty girl) so i didn’t exactly have a ton of examples of why she was wrong, even though on some level, i knew she was…
but also it goes both ways, no wonder it’s been such a struggle for me to build relationships when i grew up like that, and she was always the one who was actually the *least* trustworthy and projecting onto everyone else.
How do I repair a friendship with a girl after I expressed romantic interest messily? Is it even possible? We weren’t that close of friends but would hang in the same social circles and chat. One night I was too intense and told her I liked her and all this other cringy shit. Since that night, she still acknowledges me if we run into each other occasionally and sometimes views my stories but I can sense a distance still. I’ve given space and acted normal outside of liking some of her posts/stories. Idk what to do cus she was one of my few friends with the same interests. All my other friends have kids or are married. I’m broken over this
I’m a 31-year-old guy living in a small, trendy city that borders bigger cities. My own apartment, decent career. I feel like I’m a decently attractive guy. Slim build, I try to take care of myself. I have very long, wavy hair which I understand is a bit of a double edged sword as some women are very into that and some very not. But I take very good care of it and always keep it looking clean and kempt. I have a healthy social life with male and female friends alike. I own a cat who I love very much.
I do try to casually chat with women at bars and shows and things, but I feel like this gets progressively harder the older I get, as most any women I’m interested in are always partnered off with someone. So I rarely even get the chance to approach in a public setting in the first place.
I use the apps (Tinder, Bumble, Hinge) because I feel that I’m simply kneecapping myself if I refuse to use them. Casting a wider net is always better, right? Even if results are bad. But results are just really, really bad.
I feel like I have a decent profile that describes me as a person and what I’m looking for. Photos that show me, my cat, some travel thrown in there. I’m honestly lucky to get ONE match on any single one of the apps every couple of months or so. Even when I do, it’s almost always a ghost within a couple texts. When I do dare to pay for a subscription (I know I shouldn’t), and the app shows me who is liking me, it’s 100% always women I am not interested in. I will be honest, even if it’s a bit mean, 95% the time—It’s women who are drastically overweight. I honestly just don’t find that look attractive, and as someone who is not overweight myself, I don’t feel that it’s too high a standard/hypocrisy etc.
I’ll see girls on there that I’ll have a lot in common with, and pay for a “first impression” (Tinder) or a rose (Hinge) and send a thoughtful message. These never get acknowledged/responded to. I know that I’m not alone and a vast majority of men struggle on the apps. It’s definitely not some “why me and only me” thing. But it really is taxing on your mental health to swipe through hundreds of women and maybe get mildly acknowledged 0.01% of the time, and even that almost always goes nowhere.
I got dumped by my ex of 1.5 years last winter so she could get back with her ex. Then she dumped him and is with someone new now. I know this is flakey behavior on her part that I shouldn’t let bother me or affect my life, but it really does. It makes me feel ashamed/pathetic. My ex was my first ever long term, romantic relationship and months before that, I had a fling with a really cool girl. I felt like I had maybe, finally, “figured it out” in my late twenties, and I wasn’t a lost cause when it came to women. But now, over the past year, I feel like I’m back at square one with zero prospects. My ex doesn’t even have to spend a single month alone. She’s insanely beautiful and can probably have any guy she wants. Meanwhile, I’m paying money out of desperation on shitty apps that are designed to destroy my mental health and make me feel even more desperate. With zero to show for it. I feel like a complete chump.
Date #6 is planned for this week with the guy I’ve been seeing for a month now. I’m looking forward to it!
My anxious attachment is messing with me though. On the one hand, 6 dates in a month is a good pace and shows clear interest. We also text every day. On the other hand, even though we text daily, it’s usually many hours between messages, and I’ve also initiated the last few dates. I think this is just my anxiety and not a lack of interest on his part because he has a pretty active social life, so when he does text me back he’s super responsive to everything I’ve said and also tells me all about what he got up to and how his day went. It’s not just like “Sorry, I was with friends”, he gives details. And although I’ve prompted the last few dates (“What’s your schedule like this week?”) he’s always very enthusiastic. Never any “I’ll get back to you.”
My last relationship was very bad. It started with what I now realize was the first warning sign of his obsessive and controlling behavior: he basically wanted to spend every single moment together. The guy I’d dated before him had depression, so I didn’t see this for the red flag it was and thought it was romantic to have a guy be so into me. So this (dare I say healthy??) pace now is really throwing me off. What do you guys use to gauge the difference between a slow/healthy pace and a lack of interest? Help me recognize I’m being crazy lol
I had a ‘date’ with my ex GF Saturday, and it was nice but bittersweet. I’d planned on strictly avoiding talk about our break up, what led to it, and what it’s been like dating again. She of course plowed right into it, amused by my discomfort. At dinner, we’re sharing our hinge profiles, and at night we’re sleeping together. She had another date planned with someone last night, and I have one planned today.
I’m not jealous, because the thing I’m mourning belongs/belonged to her and I, and nothing and no one else changes that. At best it just lessens its importance. But she was someone I’d fallen deeply in love with. So again the whole thing was very bittersweet.
Gathering up all the thoughts and feelings I want to share with him and then waiting before messaging because we’ll need to get used to this.
Not talking. Not being in each other’s lives, at all. Not knowing how the other is doing. Just wondering.
And wondering.
But we’re not there yet, neither of us can bear to go there yet. Wish we weren’t so alike now, because then at least one of us would probably put our foot down.
Don’t tell me to go no contact immediately cause believe me, I know. 🙃
This weekend I went out with one of my best friends and a man not only made conversation with me but asked for my number. After only maybe 5 minutes of talking. It was wild.
He also asked me on a date so we got two drinks last night. The date was nice but I think we both had a feeling it wasn’t the connection we were looking for. ended it with a hug and a “nice to meet you”.
At first I was bummed because I thought it meant there’s something wrong with me and I should have been able to get another date with him. However, sitting back I realized I was just looking for him to prove I’m worthy when I didn’t even feel an actual connection with him.
Don’t get me wrong I still wonder why I’m struggling to get past the first or second date lately but the way I look at it I’m being much more intentional with my needs and time. Even though I have felt like it has mostly been the other persons choice I am not chasing anyone by any means.
He also barely spoke to me the night he asked for my number so the drinks were basically a blind date.
So the likelihood of it going somewhere was pretty slim but I’m happy I went!
I’ve been struggling a lot lately with feeling like I’ve lost hope around dating. I am not using the apps much and just felt like everything was stale. So having someone not only talk to me out in the wild but ask for my number and go on a date is huge for me!
Before I never had anyone approach me out and now I’m noticing it’s happening a lot more. I feel like I’ve turned a corner and my energy is so much more positive.
I feel in my gut I’m going to meet someone in real life and it’s going to finally stick! Manifesting it for myself.
I’ve become quite good friends with a coworker of mine over the past couple months, and I’m starting to worry that there’s some mutual crushing going on.
We’ve always been friendly and gotten along in some real deep-down ways, but the other day I’d say we crossed the Platonic Physical Affection line and I don’t really know how I feel about it. Felt that “oh….fuck….” crush pang for the first time in a *long* time and I’ve been bopping back and forth between “teehee, this is fun” and “my dude, what the fuck do you think you’re *doing*?”
I guess my aging ass is still capable of being single and making bad decisions. Yay?
I rarely get matches, but recently I matched with someone. Been talking few weeks and I was curious to meet her, so I asked her. Surprisingly, she was also eager to meet. We went on a dinner date, spent the whole evening together talking about random things. She invited me to her house too (she’s new to the city). Honestly I was very nervous before meeting her but when we met, she seemed overly friendly than I expected. The next day she said that she liked how I didn’t try to impress her and she would like to continue talking to see where it goes. But I feel strange that I did not feel a spark after that evening, even though I wanted to see her and felt that I would like her. I still don’t want to close the door on the possibility that this could grow into something. But this feeling is new for me where I don’t feel constant anxiety thinking about her or get excited thinking of talking to her or meeting her. Is that normal or am I trying to force the feelings which are not going to develop?
Been feeling it for a while, but I wanted to find the right moment to express it, and I think the fireworks night this weekend will be a lovely setting to tell him that I’ve fallen in love with him 🙂
I’m going to break things off with a guy I’ve been seeing. I decided to give him another chance because when we spend time in person, the conversation and physical attraction is great. Sadly I believe he put me in the Fwb/hookup category. I know this because he only contacts me when he wants to take me on a date.
I try to initiate conversations with him throughout the week but I’m usually met with complete silence. I’m going to politely decline the next time he contacts me and tell him how he makes feel.
Quick rant! Why do people just randomly show back up then disappear?! In the spring I was seeing a guy for 1.5 months and it didn’t end up working out. I really liked him, but whatever we moved on. I reached out to him in the summer to say hope your well and wish him a happy birthday (kind of an inside joke thing). It was friendly and that was all. He randomly reached out to me last week and was texting me for 2 days and not just polite, but long messages. Then *poof* gone again. I attribute it to wanting some attention so unless he comes in with some sort of let’s reconnect offer then I’m not playing his game anymore.
Enjoy your week!
I had been texting a guy on/off for a few months, matched on a dating website and he was listed as being in my home city originally. He revealed that he was just visiting from out of town and wasn’t going to be around for long. We were going to go out for drinks but then he canceled on me last minute. He left town and I didn’t hear from him again for a while. By this point I didn’t have any expectations that he would ever come back around again. He reaches out about a month ago and tells me he is moving to my area. I still just tell him basic congratulations, since he still never offered to meet up or make his intentions known. At some point I texted him and never received a response. Out of curiosity, I called him and his number that I had saved was disconnected so I figured he may have blocked me although there was no apparent reason to. Fast forward another week or so, I was at work overnight and I receive a phone call from an unknown number at around 2am. I didn’t pick up and the person didn’t leave a message after calling. For whatever reason, I had a feeling that it was this guy calling me. I called the number back and waited til it rolled over to voicemail, sure enough the message was under this guy’s name. I ended up leaving him a message and then texted. He got back to me several hours later. By this time I was a little unnerved, not sure what someone who kept disappearing and then mysteriously reappearing could want from me. So I decided I would clearly ask him what he wanted from me. And boy did he not take it well. He told me I was making him uncomfortable and he felt disrespected, so he thought it was better if we stopped communicating. This is just one of the strange dating related encounters I’ve had over the past year or so, but something about this one just was especially irritating and confusing. I told him that I was trying to be sincere and was interested in meeting up at some point, but felt like he was playing games. I think he used that comment as a way to act like a victim and flip the script on me, painting me in a bad light. After asking him a couple of times what he wanted from me, he still wouldn’t answer me clearly and even called the conversation “unhinged.” I feel like me calling out the behavior must’ve hit a nerve and he couldn’t accept that I didn’t like how I was being treated. Anyway, I guess I just needed to get this off my chest because it’s still bothering me a bit. Curious if anyone else has gone through a similar situation?
I found out this weekend that two of my friends are in the early stages of dating. Part of me is happy because they’re my friends and I want them to be happy, too, but a larger, louder part of me is sad/jealous/resentful because I’ve always had a little crush on one of them. (I never acted on it because we were ultimately incompatible re: having kids.) I’m feeling like a bad friend and am once again the only single person in my friend group 🫤