I dont know what I'm asking or what I expect from this, but I have no one to talk to about it and I dont like how it ended up. I (34m) have had two traumatic relationships in the past that I thought I was over. My first real relationship with my high-school sweetheart lasted 10 years, we had two kids (13)(11). She ended up cheating on me with her male best friend while I was at work. I only found out because I came home for lunch since I was in the area and caught them in the act. My second real relationship after that I found out from a mutual friend that my significant other at the time was in a long term third party in a 3 some thing with a married couple. So I have been cheated on by two women in the past. Now I've been in the most healthy and happiest relationship of my life. Sure we had our occasional issues. Fights. Highs and lows. We've been together for 5 years now and have a son (4) together. We also have joint custody of my two daughters from the first relationship mentioned. So we have them every other week. They love her and she loves them. So to what happened. Lately we've been in kind of weird place in our relationship. Especially because money has been really tight the last month. Last week she got lost in a book she was reading in an app. They charged per chapter and she ended up spending $550 in 3 days on this app. I confronted her about the money being spent on apple pay. At first she lied about it, and denied it. Then after confirming with the bank she said she didn't want to tell me because it was already gone and spent. She couldn't take it back after she realized how much it added up to. Meanwhile she's been going out with co-workers for drinks after work more frequently than normal, and at least 3 of the times didn't come home. Now I've never had a reason not to trust her so it didn't matter to me. She was just enjoying time out with her co-workers. Fast forward to Friday. She stayed home from work. I was also home. Our son was at daycare. I wanted to be intimate since we were home alone and to me seemed like the opportune time. She didn't want to. I over reacted and got annoyed and started an argument about our lack of intimacy. Once a month or so, and 9 times out of 10 she says no for this reason or that. We still take our son trick or treating Friday night. Immediately after we get home she says she's going out with her co-workers. I ask if she's coming home that night or if I shouldn't expect her to return until the next day. I asked that because I had plans to drive my friend around to the dealerships because he was recently in a car accident and was shopping around for a new motorcycle. I then asked my friend if I could bring my son (4) along with us because she wouldn't be home. He asked why and I explained that she was going out and wouldn't be back. Our conversation led to "if she can lie to you about money, what else is she lying to you about?" And I started spiraling. Reliving past relationship insecurities. I monitored her location all night. How much she was spending. Different numbers that she was calling and texting. My son and I had left to drive my friend around before she had returned. My friend and I had been discussing the situation during the time we spent looking at bikes. And told me she had being weird for a few weeks now. Asking him unusual things as well. So when I got home I asked her about her night. And when her story didn't match what I had I got upset and accused her of lying and possibly implied cheating. She immediately ended our 5 year relationship because she cant be with someone who doesn't trust her. She said she's moving out and taking our son. I didn't want to ruin our relationship. I dont know what I expected or what I wanted. I wanted in my heart to go home and tell her I missed her while hugging her, but what I did was start a fight that ended my world. I love her and would do anything for her. I had a moment of weakness from past experiences and trauma. And suggestions from a friend who was with me through all 3 relationships. I really dont want it to be over. I dont think I believed that she cheated, I just wanted her to push away all the doubt. But now its over and she says I cant fix it. I should have trusted her. She says I cant fix the trust so there is no relationship anymore. She's leaving to another state to be with her parents after she puts in her two weeks at work and gives our son's school their notice as well. I dont want to lose her or my son. But she says I'll never be over the trauma and never be able to trust again. I want to save it but I dont know how. I have no one else to talk to either. I've apologized and tried to share my thought process. I've tried to give her space all day. I cant help but to cry, while she's angry with me and nothing I do is helping. I didn't go through her phone or ask her to confirm anything because after she said she wouldn't do that I took her at her word. But its too late because "I shouldn't have even had to ask the question"
Tldr: I accused my significant other of lying cheating, and she ended our relationship because she won't be with someone who doesnt trust her.