Hey!!
I (29F) am venting here to you guys because I just cannot tell anyone else. I cannot share these things with my husband too because he isn't gonna listen to me too.
I have been distressed recently because of some actions done and words said by my mother in law.
During the first 3 months of my marriage (till the time my husband was here), she was very sweet to me. I used to praise her like anything. My mumma loves me, makes me eat food etc. Now I believe it was all a big fat lie.
Both of us were divorced before we met on an online matrimonial site. We connected quickly and within months we got married (arranged marriage). We were insanely in love with each other and i don't think that it has changed. What has changed though is his behaviour. At first he used to pamper me like anything, now it's more like do what he cannot avoid. He is abroad and I have applied for my PR so I am staying here with his parents.
They are horrible to me now. They expect servant like behaviour from me. I grew up in a house where we had three maids. Money didn't matter to me so I married him and settled. Honestly, he behaves good with me but his parents just treat me as if they have gotten a free servant. They make nasty comments. Literally don't allow me to go out anywhere. Not even to temple. It's been like this from May and now I am going crazy. My MIL counts my food items too. How many rotis I have eaten. How much chicken is coming into the house because I wanna eat it. How much food I put on my plate. I think the last time I ate out was with her in the first week of September. It's not good.
I have communicated these things with my husband and I feel he is a Momma's boy. He tells me that even if they said it, think as if someone stupid is speaking and ignore it. Why are u even taking these things to heart. If they are rude to you, speak less to them. He himself doesn't like talking to his father. I am torn between my love for him and my desire for independence. I feel awful. They won't even let me see my parents. She fell ill, and due to that I have not been able to go to my house. She tests the waters daily by saying something then changes the statements later. It's annoying and feels like she gaslights me.
In the first month after my husband went, she kept ranting to me about my husband's ex and her doings. Where they slept, what bedsheet was on when they slept etc. It was like she was deliberately trying to get to me. When I told my husband this, she said I asked about the ex. I did not and it was like .. I should have recorded her.
Now, recently.. she is ill and would not do the house chores at all. If she even lifts a glass, she later tells people as if she is doing so much in the house.
My husband and I are long distance so I sleep around 1:30, I wake up at 7 .. take a bath, light the diya in the mandir which is in our house, then make breakfast, make tea for them, study some and then make evening tea for them, then dinner, then they also have a lot of visitors. It's a 3 story house.. like GF, 1st and 2nd. My room is on 2nd, kitchen and living room on 1st and their room on GF.
Day before yesterday, they made me take roti's from the 1st floor to them at GF – one by one. I would do it normally if required but I have fever from last 4 days. It's highly polluted in our city and my throat is just not taking it.
I broke down today and requested my brother to call my husband and just ask him to let me come and stay at my parents house. I am tired. I am not sure what to do.
And before someone comes at me, please know that it isn't about doing the house chores but how they behave with me.
I have not worked much before this because as I told u, we had maids. Now it's like I am doing things, but since it is not their way (the perfect way), they bash me like.. u should know this, mummy didn't teach u anything, why are u married even if didn't wanna do work, what will u do when u go to my son, u will do these things there too and he will be disturbed. She creates fights between me and my husband by telling him that I don't wake up early etc.
I don't remember when was the last time that I slept till 11.
It is just not worth it. Not worth the energy, not worth the time, not worth the argument.
I feel I made a mistake by marrying again!