This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own.
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35 comments
Went on a 1st date last night and knew I shouldn’t have given my number out before meeting, but thought “what the heck!” He texted me everyday which is fine but it was mostly all day- he doesn’t have much going on in his life. We finally met after 2 weeks and wow- let down. No chemistry at all, and I knew he didn’t feel it either. After the date he got all formal with me instead of just saying “hey that was fun I just didn’t feel anything.”
Why can’t people just be upfront, honest and not be so weird about not feeling a connection? A bunch of guys I have dated say they’re in therapy and then act bizarre or mean when they want to end things/didn’t feel a connection. It’s truly not a big deal and I don’t know why I keep running into these guys. Are there any emotionally HEALTHY people out there? 😭
Well, first date since restarting to date was meh, which is what I had expected given how she texted, were maybe both a little too on the introverted and deep side with our natural tendencies. Funny thing is she is the one who complained about the direction of the conversation was too serious, but we both were the ones initiated such conversation. And when I tried to talk about other things, I received dry responses with little interest from her in reciprocating.
Gotta work on my flirting skills again for sure but I think there needs to be a good back and forth which we didn’t really manage to get to.
Every time I ask someone who has “figuring out my dating goals” what they’re looking for, they ghost. Going to stop matching with those people.
four different women that I work closely with at my new job have communicated interest in me. I’ve worked there two months. I gotta be pretty careful about who I date after how my last relationship ended, but it’s been nice for the self-esteem for sure.
My contact photo on his phone is my main Hinge profile pic (a selfie) with a fire emoji next to my name! 😆 I saw it on his phone and made a comment. He got shy and asked me “is it weird that I did that?” And I said “No, I think it’s cute!” I really liked that he personalized my contact info. I noticed he didn’t really do it for other people in his phone (well, based on the brief flash of his message inbox), so it feels special 🥰
I just got done with a wonderful first date and I’m excited for the first time in what feels like forever. I’ve never walked away from a first date this hopeful lol. Trying to not get overly hype but… we just couldn’t stop talking!!! I normally get tired of the initial conversations in early dating and that simply just didn’t happen with this one.
🤞
How does one break the ice when you’re interested in someone irl but don’t know very well haha?
I’m F32 and I recently came across a guy working at the mall who caught my eye a few months ago. I’ve only come across him a three times now as I’m new-ish to the area.
It sounds silly but he gives off the same energy as previous guys who were into me. So the attraction seems mutual and here’s some things I’ve noticed:
* him stealing glances at me
* he’ll orbit where I am in the store
* he’ll mirror some of my actions/gestures
* somehow, every time I checkout, he always manages to be at the register whether or not he’s the ringing me up
* is unusually enthusiastic when saying bye to me
* he’ll come over and help me even if another associate is already helping me
* his coworker made him ring me up and when I pointed out he was one of the employees who helped me, his usually confident self got noticeably more quiet and seemingly more nervous, resulting in him forgetting to give me my receipt and having to get it later
* his voice is lower when speaking to me
Shyness/anxiety is typically not an issue with me as I’m usually very extraverted. But when it comes to men I’m interested in, I do a 180. I’m prone to downplaying their interest in me and vice versa as something that’s all in my head. Like recently, I had chalked up his attractive to my brain exaggerating things but after seeing him again last night, to my pleasant dismay, he really is that good looking.
He’s totally up my alley too, ugh.
He goes by a pretty unusual name and I’m really curious about it. So I figure that should be my next approach. He can’t blame me for having such a conversation starter for a name!
Help!
The guy I’m seeing is becoming one of my best friends. We haven’t said we’re exclusive or anything but neither of us are seeing other people and we don’t just have sex when we’re together and then part ways. I’d say like 30% of the time we don’t even have sex we just hang out. I guess since the last time I dated was in my early 20s I’m having a hard time accepting that it can be something deeper than FWB despite not being defined as a couple or anything. My friends who are also my age that have FWB say this sounds like more than a FWB situation. Like we got each other presents for our birthdays (which are a day apart), I’ve hung out with him and his friends, my sister lives with me and he brings her food too when he picks up food for us when he’s over. And I can’t imagine my FWBs from my younger days doing any of this lol
The Hinge connection’s first comment was “Eww, not the hairy armpit picture.”
Instant unmatch.
Why say anything at all??? If you don’t like my look, hair armpit and all, then just move along.
just got a bumble account again ebehehehe
I had a problem. My dog has kennel cough and I need to board her in a week for an important work conference I fly out for, but obviously can’t board her with the cough. I was telling my boyfriend about this last night then realized he could help me. I asked if he’d stay at my place with her while I’m gone and he said yes. I was giving him a few reasons it would be nice for him (I’m very close to his work) and he just put his hand on mine and said “If I can help you it is good, I want to do that.” Like hey, nothing else about this is important to me.
I’m not used to relying on other people so he wasn’t my first thought and I’m really happy he feels this way. It solves a problem practically and has given me a little food for thought about trusting and relying on others.
Starting no men November! I need a break from dating so unless a man speaks to me in person, I’m not looking.
I’ve been crushing on a friend for a few months. It seemed for a while that they were reciprocating interest but we both got kinda busy and things cooled off for a few weeks. I saw them last weekend and asked if they wanted to hang out this week. They said yes but I tried to follow up and they’ve been a ghost since. I think I just need to cut my losses and move on but I’ve been really sad about the situation.
I had already been trying to not put all my eggs in this one basket so I went on a date with a different person last week. It went ok (she asked for a second date, we’re still texting occasionally), but I just don’t feel the same level of attraction and chemistry with her that I have with my crush.
I’m exhausted. I had been happily single without dating for years, and I feel like I’ve finally worked up the courage to poke my head out of my little cave and it just started fucking raining. I didn’t feel sad and lonely when I wasn’t pursuing anything.
My appetite is back today. First time all week I’ve eaten an actual meal. Focusing on how I can feel my body healing from this break up.
Had a good second date that I had to end short because my son called saying our cat was sick. Our cat was not sick. He was dying. He died as soon as I walked in to the room when I got home. 🥲
My date texted to me ask how the cat was doing and I had to share that my cat was in fact not doing well. He was dead.
The whole situation makes my stomach hurt.
I did text the guy a few hours later saying I had a good time and wanted a third date so we will see if me and my dead cat don’t scare him off
No dates this week due to illness was rough but we havev2 dates next week and week after that I’m invited to meet her parents. Well excited
That part where you really like someone and are excited about getting to know them is awesome, but also the part where you worry about whether they like you back as much is excruciating.
I am half agony, half hope.
Weird spike in *good* Hinge likes/matches this week. It’s like the universe knew that mama needed a win.
Can you guys please manifest these promising conversations into real-life dates for me? 🤞🤞🤞
Update: Bonding with a man on needed anti-trust regulation is peak mid-30s 😂
I’ve had a hard time recently where I’ve had a lot going on and I feel I’ve let myself go. I want to meet someone but my own self esteem is holding me back. I used to go to the gym 4 times a week and this year it completely trailed off and I’ve gained about 15lb. I feel shit about myself but I’m trying to turn it around, got a treadmill and have started eating better and plan to start slowly reintroducing weight training in the gym.
I was looking at pics of myself from 2 years ago and I look so much better, although even at that time I thought I was massive. I just don’t think anyone would be interested in me at the minute. But in the past I’ve put off dating until I’ve lost weight but I feel don’t have time to do this as I’m 35.
I don’t know why I’m writing this just got no other outlet for how I’m feeling!
I think if someone met me from an app they would be really disappointed in what they saw but I’m yearning for someone to show me some attention, affection, anything really.
I’m aware how stupid and ridiculous this sounds. Has anyone else ever felt like this?
Within three texts dude starts talking to me about his divorce. Sigh. Nicely told him I’m no longer interested and then blocked. Kind of taking a zero tolerance approach to things lately.
After my very first date at the tender age of 30, I don’t think I feel like doing this again.
I (38 F) had a surprisingly great date with a journalist (39 M) yesterday. It was coffee and a movie. The intellectual and physical chemistry was surprisingly good and he asked me on a second date in the middle of the movie. There was hand holding during the movie and it was super cute. Only red flag is that he has only been single six weeks. After the intensity and weirdness of the Guitarist, taking things slow with Journalist is refreshing and feels much more natural and comfortable. I haven’t heard from Guitarist all weekend so I’m just letting things be with him for now. I’m not particularly attached to seeing him again, but at the very least it’s been a lot in a short space of time. If he ends it I won’t be particularly upset as he isn’t approaching things between us in the most healthy way.
I have two more first dates back to back tonight and tomorrow night so we will see what happens!
No contact accountability post here! Share here if you’re struggling on wanting to reach out, say what you want to say here instead of to them, etc.
Today has been super hard for me today. It has been 3 days for me now. When does this get easier?
I posted earlier this week about not feeling sure if I wanted to keep seeing someone I’ve been dating, but not having a good reason to besides “I’m just not sure I’m feeling it”.
The thing that’s been sticking with me is not only how I don’t want to hurt this person’s feelings, but as I’ve gotten older I’m not sure I’m even interested in a longterm relationship anymore. It feels like, losing interest in a hobby or a book series you used to like and not being able to explain why.
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Are people still using Hinge? I decided to redownload it after a 1 year hiatus, and months of therapy and just enjoying my life, travelling, exercising, spending time with friends.
I expected a “new user boost” but I’ve only had 20 likes in about 4 hours. (When I downloaded Feeld earlier in the year I had over 900 likes within about an hour 😅).
I’ve only looked at 3 people in my pile so far, in really trying to be realistic about what’s in my league and maybe not be so quick to reject but this is so disheartening. First guy, not my type at all, very goofy looking. Second guy’s profile gave strong vibes that he’s just not very smart (sorry 😬) and the current guy at the top of my pile, 3 of his 6 pictures aren’t of him, two of them are near identical selfies, he lives 60 miles away from me which is almost 2 hours away on public transport (I set my limit to 15 miles, I live in one of the biggest UK cities).
If you’re still single at 34 are you supposed to just settle for whoever will take you, even if you’re not attracted to them at all? I have put so much effort into my health and fitness, I got contact lenses, a new more flattering haircut, been working really hard on myself in therapy, and I’m just not attracted to any of these men 😭
Edit to add, in the almost year I wasn’t on apps, I also didn’t connect with anyone IRL. My friends, colleagues and family say I’m not ugly but judging by these men, and the lack of IRL approaches, I am really hideous 😭
I was seeing a guy before COVID, and obviously we “broke up” once it turned out that it was going to take longer than 2 weeks for the world to get its shit together. I wasn’t really into the guy, but I loved that he put thought into our dates and took me to really cool places. Anyway, I messaged him on Instagram just to check on him since we haven’t talked since then. We had a brief interaction; he’s doing good and left it at that.
Went out with another guy last week, we went to this tourist trap, and it was okay, but we barely talked just cuz space was tight and we were navigating through a sea of people. We were supposed to get food after but when we were walking to the parking lot he was like “well here’s my car, see ya” 🤦🏾♀️
I confided in my friend (42F) today regarding my feelings for -her- (34F). She said she had her suspicions. She knows another person of our friend group (33M) also picked up on this. She also said that’s why she was surprised when I quite suddenly started seeing 40F.
I’m thinking that if two of our mutual friends noticed, the odds are very low she hasn’t. Guess I’m not as subtle as I think I am.
So naturally, if that’s the case, the question arises: If she has never clarified any platonic boundaries (and trust me, she had enough opportunities to), is receptive to my flirting/physical touch and initiates touch as well and teases me at times… What does that mean?
Maybe she’s still figuring out her feelings. Or maybe we’re both just afraid to make a move (I know I am lol). Our mutual friend also hasn’t discouraged me to shoot my shot.
Oh well, questions for later. I’m just glad a mutual friend knows what’s up now. She said I could always call her up to just share more about this or talk about other things if I need to. I’m glad she’s became such a good friend!
Together with another friend (45M we’re planning a weekend trip to either London, Berlin or Paris to visit museums there. We still need a 4th person (a woman) to round out the group to make booking hotels easier. So naturally, we’re thinking of inviting -her- along. We’re gonna ask her in person when we all see each other again in two weeks. Hope she’ll want to come along!
I’ve paused and uninstalled my hinge. I don’t think I’m going to take a break until the new year.
I’ve been seeing someone casually for about 6 months now. We hang out once a week – go on dates and sleepover at one of our places. We want different things in the future but are enjoying spending time together in a low pressure way.
My birthday was yesterday and he didn’t wish me, despite me telling him it’s important to me that he does.
I’m not really sure what to do about it…I’m pretty hurt and I’m wondering if I should end things…what would you do?
My boyfriend was checking in on me a lot last night, and it made me anxious/nervous if I had done something wrong, which I think I hadn’t, apart from the hyper-focused face I made when we were cooking dinner. He said he just felt the intensity vibe coming from me, hence he asked.
He kept reassuring me that if I felt okay/neutral just relax and calm. I was like Babe you worked in this mental health line of work and you already knew that telling people to relax and calm down won’t work right away, right? 😭
Had my first sleepover with the bf last night (well first sleepover with any romantic partner), and good lord I had a terrible night’s sleep 🙈 brain wouldn’t switch off, too hot (the man’s a furnace 😆), couldn’t get comfy, sound of him snoring/breathing (of course he fell asleep after 5 minutes), normally wear an eye mask but didn’t bring it… I think I must have slept a bit but it felt like I was awake all night. Even took a melatonin gummy at one point which did nothing. Still, it was lovely waking up to cuddles and spending a lazy morning in bed, so silver linings and all that 😁 just hope it gets better the more I get used to it 😆
9 months after a particularly painful breakup i’ve decided to put myself out there. Been on a decent handful of dates with one woman in particular – what started as something new and exciting has slowly settled into something that reminds me that she isn’t my ex, and that she really is gone.
It’s a tricky feeling or thought to hold, I do like new girl – new girl is beautiful, she’s quite literally a beauty model. When I’m with her I have a great time, we have great conversation, she’s sweet and feminine and all the things I like in a woman.
But when i’m away from her I do things like this, as in write on reddit about how I still think of my ex. A little bit torn navigating the mental space that is not needing to be 100% over someone to date again and questioning my own motives, as if i’m only dating again to prove something to myself.
Life’s crazy like that.
I fear that I’ll be single forever. I just had meet up with my ex (bad idea), only to find out he just used me as his emotional support and then he disappeared again. I simply don’t have the energy to date anymore, and my birthday is coming up soon. Ironically none of the people who said “Let’s celebrate together” are here with me now.