My husband (M29) and I (F31) have been together for 14 years and married for 3. We both used to smoke weed when we were younger, but over the years he became a heavy daily user. I’ve always supported him because he had a difficult childhood, but now it’s reached a point where I feel completely stuck.
We've been together for 14 years and when we got married we traveled around and he said he would want to be clean but he always got back to it and was not happy with his life and said his ideal life is with it, we moved to Amsterdam due to his work but also with smoking it and still not so satisfied.
Whenever I bring up his weed use or suggest therapy, he gets angry and says we’re just “not compatible.” He says he likes smoking and doesn’t want to change. Then sometimes he admits he feels depressed even though he still smokes every day. He recently started saying he hates the apartment we moved into a year ago because he can’t smoke weed or cigarettes freely here.
When I mention how it’s affecting him or us, he lashes out and becomes mean, but later comes back acting normal again. His moods swing a lot, and he often seems unhappy or dissatisfied with life. I pay my share of expenses (we split everything 50/50), and I also cook and clean, but it feels like nothing is enough.
One time we traveled to country without weed and he faced bad withdrawal as he couldn't eat and sleep properly only soup and he got mad alot with very bad mood swings
We even argued about his birthday gift recently — he told me to just give him €200 instead of buying something, and I got frustrated and said it feels like all he does is spend like 200 – 300 on weed and supporting his family while complaining about money and I wanted to have good time together instead of just giving him cash, he gets very anxious and can’t even go a day without it.
We don’t have kids yet, but I’m scared for the future because he doesn’t seem like he wants to change. I don’t know if I should accept things as they are or if that means I’m giving up on myself
TL;DR: My husband smokes weed daily and refuses therapy. Whenever I bring it up, he threatens to leave and says we’re incompatible. He has mood swings, gets anxious without weed, and seems unhappy with life.