Venting to strangers on the internet. So much to this, but in a nutshell… Been married 20+ years. SIL has been married to my brother for 10+ years. I knew that my husband and SIL were friends, that's cool. Or so I thought.
Husband has a history of looking at corn and talking to other women. We were working through it. I checked his phone a few years back and found a message to my SIL telling her "Good morning gorgeous." And her replying "good morning handsome". I immediately told my husband and text my SIL, and asked WTF? I got the we're lonely and just friends. I told my brother and lots of drama followed.
Flash forward to last year. We're still together as his my brother and my SIL. I find out he's talking to her again, calling her multiple times a day. (I dont know how long they were talking, probably this entire time.) I tell him I'm done and he begs for marriage counseling. Asks that I dont tell my brother. I stupidly agree as it was right before Christmas and I didnt want to ruin his l life too. Had I know the extent of this, I would have told him then…
Flash forward another 10 months later and we are doing better than ever. Just finished marriage counseling. He hadn't given me a reason not to trust him, but something kept bugging me. I checked his phone and I find inappropriate text messages between my husband and SIL. Nothing outright sexual, but lots of "I love you, my love, baby girl" from him to her. She just replies back with "I love you daddy." 🤢
Im disgusted. I confront her she says its not her. But im not imaging the proof I have. He says it is her and it's never been anything physical.
Lied to my face for years.
My immediate thought was to tell my brother. But I haven't told my him yet. I was hoping she would tell him but she hasn't. I feel like telling him is the right thing to do. My hesitation now is that this will destroy him and our families. I want to protect my children and my nieces/nephews. My husband has always had issues with his mental health and says that this is why he has been carrying on relationships like this with her and other women because of trauma that happened before we were married. But does his trauma make it okay to do this to me? I sympathize with his trauma. But to drag me through the mud? Im humiliated and here I am again drowning trying to keep him afloat for our children. I know what to do, but don't know what to do. Dreading what I know I have to do. Utterly heartbroken.