How do you tell your friends if their partner sucks/is bad for them?
November 2, 2025
How do you tell your friends if their partner sucks/is bad for them?
38 comments
“Your partner fucking sucks, they’re not good for you.”
ask them first if they’re open to discussing it. if not, then ur friend suck too 🫣 they’re probably aware already but is still tolerating things
“Your boyfriend is in my dms calling me hot. He’s not for you, babe.”
“You deserve better”
I don’t. Messengers get shot. I just try to be available when it inevitably goes poorly. If it’s a pattern, that might be different, but people are often aware of their patterns and just don’t care.
You say it. Thats a true friend
I just tell them and then explain why I feel that way. I have very open, honest relationships with my friends so we don’t hold back on things. I also make sure to let them know that I’ll support them and have their back regardless of whether they dump the guy or not.
If they’re venting and complaining about them, I’ll offer my restrained opinion.
But I’ve learnt from past experience, there generally isn’t much point. I’ll say it a few times, but there’s only so much I can do and say.
Yea
I pointed out his shittiness three times. The third time I told her, “I’m done telling you. You don’t care to see it or hear it so I’m done. I’ll be here for you as your friend, but we aren’t discussing his actions, good or bad, anymore.” He’s a part of the conversation superficially, but she doesn’t bring him around and I don’t invite him to things. It’s hard, but it’s what works for us.
I won’t. It is none of my business. And that meddling doesn’t end well at all. We’re all adults here that made the choice and it is upto us to live with those choices.
“This doesn’t look healthy and I am saying this only because I care about you.”
I care for my friends, and that involves telling the truth, even if it’s something they may not like to hear.
I use the line, “I’m very concerned for you because your partnes does xyz and shows xyz.”
It’s always up to them to decide. I just set ny boundaries as needed.
Tell the Truth, with Tact.
If they do not ask for my opinion, I would not give it. If they do not ask for advice, I would not give it. Because at the end of the day, if they are not ready to listen, they will not hear what I say regardless.
With one friend she was seeing a dude that was an irresponsible alcoholic, who didn’t treat her right in the beginning. I refused to meet him. He ended up shackingup with someone when he ended it.
It really depends. I’ve only ever spoken up once & that was for my older sister in a domestic violence situation.
Other than that, I usually just don’t like the partner & keep my opinion to myself. At the end of the day, it’s not really your business unless there’s actual harm involved.
I’m honest with them about my feelings (usually when they complain about his behaviour as they inevitably do), and then I distance myself until they come to the realization on their own.
It’s hard to watch your friends being treated badly because you love them, but you have to come to terms with the fact that you can’t make their decisions for them.
The more you try to tell them, the more likely they are to cling on. Also they’re less likely to tell you about any issues going on. So you can vocalise that you’re happy that they’re happy and you support that, even if you would have chosen a different partner for them.
Then after the break up you can tell them how shitty the ex is/was. 👌🏻
I’m the one who makes bad men choices, my friends usually say things like
“He’s a fuck boy”
“How many times do I have to tell you that this man should be dead to you?”
“Please stop talking to this man, get a great toy and love yourself like no man ever will”
lolll
I burned myself with this. When my friend was telling me how bad her boyfriend is treating her, how bad everything was, how much he yelled at her for buying an extra carrot or for not eating what he picked. How he didn’t visit her in hospital when she was sick and a lot of other bad things. I wanted to help her get out of the situation and offered my full availability, shopping extra to give her food when she was visiting and I told her that she deserves better and that he is not worth it. She dumped me as a friend in a crappy way and married the guy after a few years from what I heard. Better to just support your friend and not say anything about the guy, they can always end up getting on better and hating you
1: When they’re opening up or venting to me about their partners, I tell them that they’re not good for my friend and everything that I think about their partner, get them to really open their eyes.
2: Through tarot reading. When I get a bad feeling from a new partner, I usually get bad cards when I do reading then I tell my friend. There was this one time I had a really bad feeling about my friend’s talking stage, no matter how much reading she did with me, no matter how much she flipped her question it would always end up having a cheater, liar, trickster, and something about him having connection with his ex. A few weeks later I was right, he was cheating with his ex, he used my friend’s money for his addiction.
I don’t. I stay out of people’s relationships.
If they ask me for my opinion, I’ll be honest and share concerns, red flags or things to consider. It’s not my job to control anyone’s journey or life decisions. I’ll support whatever decision they decide to make.
I don’t unless they bring it up. The last time I asked “why are you with him?” She couldn’t give me an answer, it bothered her that she couldn’t and cried to me later on and said she that she had to end things with him. Next week they were back together. I learned some people like to learn the hard way
[removed]
You really can’t. The best thing you can do is ask them if they are happy, when they tell you about something they did say things like “that’s a rude thing to say” , “that’s pretty mean” never he is always the action or comment was.
You need her to realize it for herself. Getting her to reflect on his bad behaviors as bad is the best you can do.
[removed]
As someone who came from an abusive family and whose friends didn’t say they hated how my boyfriend had treated me until after we broke up, I WISH THEY SAID ANYTHING. I had doubts in my head but he always convinced me I was in the wrong. I would’ve left way sooner than I did.
Now I’ve also had a friend who no matter how many times we talked about her husband’s abuse, she has never left. So I say at least mention it but realize when you might be wasting your breath
I will never in my life tell a friend their partner is bad for them ever again. I’m the one they break up with.
That’s not my job really, nor is it my relationship to be making decisions about.
I am happy for my friend if their relationships make them happy, and there for them when they don’t.
Someone’s journey isn’t my business unless it’s abusive. We all live and we learn. I will love her or him regardless. I don’t know why they choose to stay until they do not. Some people are just scared to start over, some have financial obligations, some have history, some found family, etc. most have all between and some. Not my business!
You don’t. If they don’t see how bad their partner is for them, they will certainly resent you for saying it. If they already know, you’ll only embarrass them or make them feel worse.
Instead, show them you care. Be shocked when their partner says or does something awful in front of you. Be concerned if your friend is okay. Make it clear through your actions that the partner’s behavior isn’t normal without saying it outright. This way your friend knows they can come to you for help without worrying about judgement. But that’s really all you can or should do until they figure it out for themselves.
I’ve politely told my best friend, point out the concrete evidence in texts or things she’s sent to me, tell her how it’ll impact her long-term future, etc. etc… she does hear me out and understand, but it’ll never translate to any sort of action. She recently got engaged to him after she dealt an ultimatum, and it’s probably the worst thing ever for her to get married to him.
I know it sounds bad but I actually cut a friend off this year mainly for this reason. I miss her tons but this would be the second time around that she’d be in a bad relationship and I just couldn’t do it this time. The guy was such a creep and I couldn’t be involved any longer. Never said anything to her
I don’t. They’re not going to listen anyway.
it depends on how close i am to the friend. with my best friends i try to be as honest as possible (with tact). i learned to do this because my bsf was dating a BUM ASS LOSER and i kept my opinions reserved and she ended up getting so hurt so now im very honest abt my opinions with my best friends. with friends idk that well i stay a little quieter bcs the messenger often gets shot. my close friends know that i have their best interests at heart because we’re family. my not-so-close friends do not know me like that so i stay quieter.
personally when im trying to be more reserved ill say things like “don’t put all your eggs in one basket” or “this is something you really need to discuss with them”.
when im being brutally honest ill just tell them how it is. “you deserve to be treated better and you know this,” or “these are fundamental issues within the relationship and it indicates fundamental incompatibility to me.”
You never do it. You will always lose either way.
Mostly, my questions stay the same. I ask them, if they are happy. I need to let them know that no one deserves to feel awful. Sometimes, they understand and take a better stand for themselves.
But, if their relationship is toxic and thus, my friend has lost their way, I can only say so much. Let them know I am here in case they decide to walk away. At the end of the day, the decision, relationship and life is theirs to choose.
I just tell them. I know a lot of people are weary about telling people that sort of thing, I’m not. On more than one occasion, I’ve been the friend that the horrible boyfriend hated and told his girlfriend to stop hanging around, while my friend laughed in his face and said no every time.
38 comments
“Your partner fucking sucks, they’re not good for you.”
ask them first if they’re open to discussing it. if not, then ur friend suck too 🫣 they’re probably aware already but is still tolerating things
“Your boyfriend is in my dms calling me hot. He’s not for you, babe.”
“You deserve better”
I don’t. Messengers get shot. I just try to be available when it inevitably goes poorly. If it’s a pattern, that might be different, but people are often aware of their patterns and just don’t care.
You say it. Thats a true friend
I just tell them and then explain why I feel that way. I have very open, honest relationships with my friends so we don’t hold back on things. I also make sure to let them know that I’ll support them and have their back regardless of whether they dump the guy or not.
If they’re venting and complaining about them, I’ll offer my restrained opinion.
But I’ve learnt from past experience, there generally isn’t much point. I’ll say it a few times, but there’s only so much I can do and say.
Yea
I pointed out his shittiness three times. The third time I told her, “I’m done telling you. You don’t care to see it or hear it so I’m done. I’ll be here for you as your friend, but we aren’t discussing his actions, good or bad, anymore.” He’s a part of the conversation superficially, but she doesn’t bring him around and I don’t invite him to things. It’s hard, but it’s what works for us.
I won’t. It is none of my business. And that meddling doesn’t end well at all. We’re all adults here that made the choice and it is upto us to live with those choices.
“This doesn’t look healthy and I am saying this only because I care about you.”
I care for my friends, and that involves telling the truth, even if it’s something they may not like to hear.
I use the line, “I’m very concerned for you because your partnes does xyz and shows xyz.”
It’s always up to them to decide. I just set ny boundaries as needed.
Tell the Truth, with Tact.
If they do not ask for my opinion, I would not give it. If they do not ask for advice, I would not give it. Because at the end of the day, if they are not ready to listen, they will not hear what I say regardless.
With one friend she was seeing a dude that was an irresponsible alcoholic, who didn’t treat her right in the beginning. I refused to meet him. He ended up shackingup with someone when he ended it.
It really depends. I’ve only ever spoken up once & that was for my older sister in a domestic violence situation.
Other than that, I usually just don’t like the partner & keep my opinion to myself. At the end of the day, it’s not really your business unless there’s actual harm involved.
I’m honest with them about my feelings (usually when they complain about his behaviour as they inevitably do), and then I distance myself until they come to the realization on their own.
It’s hard to watch your friends being treated badly because you love them, but you have to come to terms with the fact that you can’t make their decisions for them.
The more you try to tell them, the more likely they are to cling on. Also they’re less likely to tell you about any issues going on. So you can vocalise that you’re happy that they’re happy and you support that, even if you would have chosen a different partner for them.
Then after the break up you can tell them how shitty the ex is/was. 👌🏻
I’m the one who makes bad men choices, my friends usually say things like
“He’s a fuck boy”
“How many times do I have to tell you that this man should be dead to you?”
“Please stop talking to this man, get a great toy and love yourself like no man ever will”
lolll
I burned myself with this. When my friend was telling me how bad her boyfriend is treating her, how bad everything was, how much he yelled at her for buying an extra carrot or for not eating what he picked. How he didn’t visit her in hospital when she was sick and a lot of other bad things. I wanted to help her get out of the situation and offered my full availability, shopping extra to give her food when she was visiting and I told her that she deserves better and that he is not worth it. She dumped me as a friend in a crappy way and married the guy after a few years from what I heard. Better to just support your friend and not say anything about the guy, they can always end up getting on better and hating you
1: When they’re opening up or venting to me about their partners, I tell them that they’re not good for my friend and everything that I think about their partner, get them to really open their eyes.
2: Through tarot reading. When I get a bad feeling from a new partner, I usually get bad cards when I do reading then I tell my friend. There was this one time I had a really bad feeling about my friend’s talking stage, no matter how much reading she did with me, no matter how much she flipped her question it would always end up having a cheater, liar, trickster, and something about him having connection with his ex. A few weeks later I was right, he was cheating with his ex, he used my friend’s money for his addiction.
I don’t. I stay out of people’s relationships.
If they ask me for my opinion, I’ll be honest and share concerns, red flags or things to consider. It’s not my job to control anyone’s journey or life decisions. I’ll support whatever decision they decide to make.
I don’t unless they bring it up. The last time I asked “why are you with him?” She couldn’t give me an answer, it bothered her that she couldn’t and cried to me later on and said she that she had to end things with him. Next week they were back together. I learned some people like to learn the hard way
[removed]
You really can’t. The best thing you can do is ask them if they are happy, when they tell you about something they did say things like “that’s a rude thing to say” , “that’s pretty mean” never he is always the action or comment was.
You need her to realize it for herself. Getting her to reflect on his bad behaviors as bad is the best you can do.
[removed]
As someone who came from an abusive family and whose friends didn’t say they hated how my boyfriend had treated me until after we broke up, I WISH THEY SAID ANYTHING. I had doubts in my head but he always convinced me I was in the wrong. I would’ve left way sooner than I did.
Now I’ve also had a friend who no matter how many times we talked about her husband’s abuse, she has never left. So I say at least mention it but realize when you might be wasting your breath
I will never in my life tell a friend their partner is bad for them ever again. I’m the one they break up with.
That’s not my job really, nor is it my relationship to be making decisions about.
I am happy for my friend if their relationships make them happy, and there for them when they don’t.
Someone’s journey isn’t my business unless it’s abusive. We all live and we learn. I will love her or him regardless. I don’t know why they choose to stay until they do not. Some people are just scared to start over, some have financial obligations, some have history, some found family, etc. most have all between and some. Not my business!
You don’t. If they don’t see how bad their partner is for them, they will certainly resent you for saying it. If they already know, you’ll only embarrass them or make them feel worse.
Instead, show them you care. Be shocked when their partner says or does something awful in front of you. Be concerned if your friend is okay. Make it clear through your actions that the partner’s behavior isn’t normal without saying it outright. This way your friend knows they can come to you for help without worrying about judgement. But that’s really all you can or should do until they figure it out for themselves.
I’ve politely told my best friend, point out the concrete evidence in texts or things she’s sent to me, tell her how it’ll impact her long-term future, etc. etc… she does hear me out and understand, but it’ll never translate to any sort of action. She recently got engaged to him after she dealt an ultimatum, and it’s probably the worst thing ever for her to get married to him.
I know it sounds bad but I actually cut a friend off this year mainly for this reason. I miss her tons but this would be the second time around that she’d be in a bad relationship and I just couldn’t do it this time. The guy was such a creep and I couldn’t be involved any longer. Never said anything to her
I don’t. They’re not going to listen anyway.
it depends on how close i am to the friend. with my best friends i try to be as honest as possible (with tact). i learned to do this because my bsf was dating a BUM ASS LOSER and i kept my opinions reserved and she ended up getting so hurt so now im very honest abt my opinions with my best friends. with friends idk that well i stay a little quieter bcs the messenger often gets shot. my close friends know that i have their best interests at heart because we’re family. my not-so-close friends do not know me like that so i stay quieter.
personally when im trying to be more reserved ill say things like “don’t put all your eggs in one basket” or “this is something you really need to discuss with them”.
when im being brutally honest ill just tell them how it is. “you deserve to be treated better and you know this,” or “these are fundamental issues within the relationship and it indicates fundamental incompatibility to me.”
You never do it. You will always lose either way.
Mostly, my questions stay the same. I ask them, if they are happy. I need to let them know that no one deserves to feel awful. Sometimes, they understand and take a better stand for themselves.
But, if their relationship is toxic and thus, my friend has lost their way, I can only say so much. Let them know I am here in case they decide to walk away. At the end of the day, the decision, relationship and life is theirs to choose.
I just tell them. I know a lot of people are weary about telling people that sort of thing, I’m not. On more than one occasion, I’ve been the friend that the horrible boyfriend hated and told his girlfriend to stop hanging around, while my friend laughed in his face and said no every time.