I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost two years. He’s 28 and I’m 24. He’s already graduated and very self-sufficient; he was raised with the idea that “if you’re not moving forward, you’re wasting your day,” and that he should do everything on his own. I, on the other hand, grew up with less emphasis on discipline and more importance placed on ethical values and emotional sensitivity. So we often differ in how we approach daily life.
We’ve always been very physically affectionate, and that’s something I deeply need in a relationship. I didn’t grow up being very affectionate, so having that with him was something I valued and didn’t want to compromise. But lately, I feel like he’s less affectionate: he doesn’t hug me out of nowhere, he goes to sleep before giving me a kiss, he doesn’t give random compliments like he used to. I need that closeness, and I know it doesn’t come naturally to him.
There are also small things that I have tried to accept. For example, when I get home tired from work on the weekend (I work weekends and he doesn’t), I sometimes hope to be cared for a bit, to feel welcomed, even in small ways. I think that’s something many of us want. But since he was raised with “do it yourself” and “I’m not responsible for anyone else,” he lacks that more nurturing, attentive side.
It’s not about money, but I earn much less than he does, and I often struggle to keep up with the plans he likes to make. Sometimes I end up spending money I don’t really have instead of telling him I can’t afford it. And now that I’m dealing with a sprained ankle and wearing a boot, I still don’t feel much extra support or care from him. For example, today we woke up, he cut some fruit, made mate, and then started playing PlayStation, and I found myself feeling like maybe I should just go home. If I ask him, “Do you want me to stay?” he tells me it’s up to me. I know part of this comes from my insecurity, especially now that I feel less affection from him, and that makes me question myself even more.
I love him. When he is affectionate, it’s incredibly meaningful, and we have a very unique connection. But these things do weigh on me, and I’m trying to understand whether I’m overreacting because of my insecurities, or whether I genuinely need something in a relationship that he may not be able to give.