My (24F) boyfriend (24 M) and I have been together for 4 years. For the last 2 years, he's been pushing hard for us to get engaged and move in together. He wanted to get engaged next June and said he wouldn't move with me for vet school unless we were engaged first. I was hesitant about marriage initially, but over time I came around to wanting it too. I got excited about finally living together and building a real life.
Now that I'm actually applying to vet school and it's getting close to his June timeline, suddenly he's backtracking on everything:
He "thinks he wants kids" (I've been clear from day one I'm mostly no on kids). He can't guarantee he'll move with me for vet school anymore, especially internationally. He's worried about leaving his family.
I told him I can't get engaged in June unless we work these fundamental things out. Now he's realizing he doesn't have answers either. He got me excited about engagement, moving in together, building a future—and now that it's actually time to commit, he's unsure about all of it.
Here's what really hurts: I feel like if I was truly his person, these wouldn't even be conversations. It would just be "we're figuring it out together because being with each other is what matters most." He says he might want kids because he "loves me so much," but that doesn't even make sense—it feels like he just wants kids and doesn't want to lose me by admitting it.
I told him I can't keep going until he has real answers, and that after 4 years if he doesn't know, he probably never will. He understood but was upset.
Did I make the right call? I don't know how to move forward when he can't tell me what our future looks like.
TL;DR: Boyfriend pushed for engagement for 2 years and wanted to get engaged next June. I finally came around to wanting it too. Now that it's getting close, he's suddenly unsure about everything: thinks he wants kids (I don't), can't guarantee he'll move with me for vet school, doesn't know what marriage looks like with us, and can't commit to spending holidays together after 4 years long distance. I ended it because if he doesn't know after 4 years, he never will. Did I do the right thing?
Edit: It’s a struggle for me because this has been an extremely healthy relationship. Outside of these new discoveries and differences we have never had any serious issues. He’s an indecisive person and has a tough family history that I think adds to this situation. It’s just hard to end an otherwise good thing which is what makes me feel a tad crazy.