I feel like a dunce just writing this. A few months ago I met someone on a dating app. They had such good energy, were obviously interested in me, and everything was going great. After our third date went so incredibly well, I realized that I really liked this girl, and decided to call off things with another girl I was also seeing.
I then asked her if she was seeing anyone else and what she thought about being exclusive. I wasn’t trying to pressure her and basically just told her I wanted to delete my profile and just focus on her, but it didn’t make sense for me to be the only one doing that.
We had a conversation about it where she said she wanted to talk more seriously about what we both wanted in a relationship, which I thought was fair since we really were just having so much fun together the serious questions never came out. But I could feel a certain shift after this point.
We went out once more and had a chat about what we both wanted, and it seemed to me like we were aligned. The actual date felt off and she felt very reserved. When I kissed her goodbye it was very different from how she kissed me after our third date.
We made plans for another date after this but she actually stood me up. Said she took anxiety meds and fell asleep, which she apologized for, but that she was going to end things. She said she had a negative reaction to me asking to be exclusive, and feels she should trust her gut even if she didn’t understand it.
Obviously I was incredibly hurt by her actions, and I honestly still don’t understand her point of view. But she was a really special person, she made me feel seen in a way nobody else has. We texted every day, and just thinking about her made me smile. All of my friends have commented that I seemed “giddy” and “very smiley” when I was dating her. If I had to put on paper my ideal woman, it would just be a description of her.
But this is super important. I want to be with someone who will choose me. Without hesitation. I broke things off with that other girl not because I expected exclusivity, but because I realized she wasn’t my first choice, and I would never want to be that person on the other end.
So I still have feelings for this girl, and I still cry sometimes thinking about her. It’s been a few months already and she’s still on my mind from time to time. I’ve thought about texting her but I never have. Well she must have remade her profile because it just showed up again for me as new. It’s got me thinking maybe I should text her again. Idek if I could get over how things ended the first time, but she made me feel so good that I just want that feeling back.
Am I stupid?