Hi everyone,
I'm looking for some outside perspective on my long-distance relationship.
I'm from North-western Europe, my girlfriend is from the USA. We're both in our mid 20s and have been together a little over 2 years, but friends for much longer. We've managed to visit each other a handful of times. I flew to her once, and the other visits she flew here. The long-term plan is for her to move to my country once we're ready.
We come from very different financial situations. I have a stable career with a steady income and can save a big part of my salary because I currently live at home (my parents support and want this arrangement). She works a low paying retail job and has monthly expenses, so saving is very difficult for her. Because of that, I've been the one covering most of our travel and shared expenses.
Recently, she got her own car and is now actively applying for better paying jobs. I'm genuinely proud of her, she is doing the best she can with what she has, and she shows that she wants to improve her future. We've talked a lot about what she needs in order to eventually move here: building savings, continuing to learn my language, and later studying here so she can get a degree that's recognized in my country. That means years of effort on her part, learning a new language well enough for a higher education, living far away from home, and financially supporting herself at the same time.
This is where my worries kick in.
Realistically, this could take a long time. I find myself watching friends (and old classmates) settle down, buying homes, getting married, starting families, while I'm still waiting for a future that feels very uncertain. My parents have also expressed concerns about how difficult such a big move will be for her, and whether she will mis her family and regret leaving everything behind. I sometimes worry I'm asking too much from her.
That is the logical side of my brain.
The emotional side? I love her deeply. I've been in relationships where I didn't feel appreciated or understood, this is the first time I truly feel loved and connected. We can be silly together, we share interests, we trust each other, and we support each other through everything. She genuinely means so much to me.
I'm just struggling to balance hope and realism. I don't want to pressure her into something overwhelming, and I don't want either of us to put years into a plan that might not be possible. But I also don't want to give up on someone I care about so much.
Has anyone been through something similar? How do you know whether a long distance future like this is worth pursuing? How do you manage the doubts while still being supportive?
Thanks for reading.
TL;DR:
LDR (Europe – USA), both mid 20s, 2+ years together. I'm financially stable, she's still working towards better income and eventually plans to move here, learn my language, and study for a degree. I love her and we're great together, but the path is long, expensive, and uncertain. Worried I'm asking too much and that we're putting everything on a difficult future. Looking for advice from those who've been through something similar.