I am 22F and my boyfriend is 22M. We have been going out for around 6 months. So it’s still fairly new and early on. I’m starting to have some doubts and I’m so confused about why. He’s handsome, has a good job, and is family-oriented. He just overall checks most boxes on my list. I have noticed lately that we are different in some ways that I’m not sure I can move past. He’s a very surface-level person, meaning he only focuses on what’s in front of him. This affects his communication skills or lack thereof. I’m a blunt person. I also love connecting emotionally, having deep conversations, and debating some hot topics. He doesn’t particularly do those things. I’ve brought it up, and it feels as though we go in circles. His main interests are working out and anything sports-related. Which is fine. I love working out, but I have other hobbies and diverse interests that aren’t just working out. I asked my mom for her opinion, and she said he seemed like a surface-level thinker, which can come off as selfish in some ways. I’m not sure what to do. I’ve gone back and forth for a month now. If I did end things, it would simply be because we’re incompatible, not because he did something wrong. But I’ve never been in this predicament before. I’m not trying to waste his time or my time. Would this be something that can improve over time? Any advice? I’m sorry if this sounds like such a non-issue but I really am not sure on how to proceed. Any input would be appreciated!


4 comments

  1. It likely wouldn’t improve. Source: me dating the same person twice 6 years apart.

    How did he have no other thoughts and 6 years of life under his belt, I’ll never know. Otherwise a fine guy

  2. Every relationship I’ve left has been for health reasons or some form of abuse. I’m now in a relationship where I feel similarly, that it boils down to compatibility. I think every relationship should be approached with love, patience, and kindness—even when it comes to breakups. If you’re not feeling it or if you’re seeing traits that you don’t want in a partner, you’re free to feel that way! Have a conversation with your partner about how you’re feeling, be honest about your thoughts and ask if he might be feeling similarly. I hate the thought of hurting others, but I know that the longer you keep your feelings in, the more painful they become. People grow and change, it’s part of life. You’re so young, even if you break up now, you might meet again years down the road and it might work out then. Life is full of twists and turns and there are so many people in the world to connect with! Invite him to have an open and honest conversation and see where that goes. I hope this helps!

  3. You hit the nail on the head, you two are incompatible. Its not going to improve. Its best to break things off now, stop wasting your time. 

    Incompatibility is a big reason to break up.

  4. I always date someone for 6 months because in those months you can see the person for who they are. Breaking up with someone doesn’t have to be bad. You can’t force just see this isn’t a person that you would have success with in the future. Also it better to get it over with now then waiting and mad at yourself you didn’t do it sooner

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