My husband was my sister’s manager and according to her, her first true love (probably only because she refuses to date). She talked about him all the time and was totally in love with him. When I met him I didn’t know it was him. She was secretive about him and she didn’t say that he found a new job and didn’t work with her anymore. When he told
Me what he worked with, it wasn’t my sister’s company. He knew however that I was her sister and he knew she had a crush on him because he rejected her twice. We dated for 5 months when I found out and I was in utter shock. She never spoke to me again even when I broke it off with him for a year. My family didn’t like me either and my mum said that she hated me.
Now we have been married for 5 years. Nobody likes me. Neither my nor his family. His mum heard about the story from my family and she never trusted me afterwards. She never invited me to do things to a degree that my husband stopped going because I wasn’t invited. She calls me a snake because of that. Yesterday was the first time she invited me because she wanted to have a relationship with her son again and her granddaughter. She made all the food with pineapple that I am very allergic to.
My sister in law called her puppy the name I had chosen to my daughter when we were expecting. I am only mentioning it because my husband was shocked, I myself didn’t care much but I understand that she doesn’t like me. Mum said she regretted not being a part of my daughter’s life because she’s my daughter even if she was innocent in this.
So yesterday when we got home, I broke down crying. I finally admitted it to myself and my husband that I was the villain in all of this. If everyone around me is “wrong” then I was the one who was wrong. He was a villain too but not like me. He cried too and said that he loved me and our family that we created, but I told him that we stepped on so many hearts to be together and have this little family. Was it worth it? and that love shouldn’t be this devastating to everyone we love. He said that it was worth it and to never doubt that. That our daughter wouldn’t have been here. I have not stopped crying since
Thanks for letting me vent here. I want to feel better even though I don’t feel that I deserve it
47 comments
Your entire family is delusional.
Girl, you did nothing wrong. Your husband never liked your sister, and she didn’t even bother telling you she liked him in the first place, so how were you supposed to know? Both your families sound downright toxic. If this is how they act, they don’t deserve to have a relationship with you or your daughter. If I were you, I would move away from both families, go no contact and start fresh. You and your husband have your own family now with your daughter and you can meet friends with kids her age who can be your “chosen family.” Sometimes, peace is worth more than blood.
If your sister didn’t speak to you even when you broke up for finding out the truth then this is on her. It means she was just looking for a reason to cut you off.
The ones who show up for you are the ones who care. If they don’t, then believe them when they show you their true colours.
You have your arms and heart full of love in your new family. Unless your husband dated your sister and/or messed with her head, you have no one to answer to but yourself.
With Familie like that who needs enemies?
No you were not the villain. Your husband rejected her. He didn’t sleep with her. Didn’t promise anything to her. Your sister doesn’t own him. Not now not ever. Was he supposed to stay single forever because it might hurt your sisters feelings?
It’s not your fault your husband did t feel attracted to your sister. You didn’t steal him from her. You didn’t know about it.
It is petty and very wrong to keep putting that on you. They need to move on.
Are you supposed to be unhappy for the rest of your life because your sister didn’t get her way?
If you didn’t marry your husband, someone else would have and most likely it still would t be your sister.
Your sisters obsession with your husband and hate towards you is sick and mental!
Cut everyone out that brings negativity into your life. Your sister in law named the dog after your child? Gone. Mother tried to poisen you with food you are allergic to? Gone. Sister still upset about a man who rejected her twice? Gone.
Move if you can. Build a life with people who love and respect you and don’t want your worst.
You’re not a villain and neither is your husband. You didn’t go into your relationship knowing your sister had a crush. Your mother and mother in law sound incredibly toxic, calling you a snake and your own mother cutting you off. I couldn’t imagine cutting off one of my children. Maybe you should think about cutting ties, for your own mental health. Concentrating on your own little family. I’ve done the same myself but for different reasons. Mentally I’ve never felt better
i understand because from the outside it looks like there was NO WAY my Mans and i weren’t together before he left his wife but we were not. we did move fast which is why i understand why people think that but sometimes it does make me sad that no one would ever believe the truth. oh well lol
His family is upset??? That doesn’t make any sense. And the fact that she only wants to be around because you’re pregnant. Hell no.
Drop all these people and focus on you, your husband and child.
Girl… where the h&$@ are you from… what insanity is this? Move away from all these crazy people.
u/bot-sleuth-bot
Dear god, your families are mad. You did nothing wrong, she never had a relationship with him so you haven’t trodden on her toes. She fancied him but he obviously didn’t feel the same way but everybody making you the villain are off their heads.
If this is how they behave nine of them deserve you. Please don’t think you are in the wrong because you absolutely aren’t. Sod the families and all who sail in them.
Why is his family mad about this
This sounds made up
Your husband chose you. They should be okay with it. Not your fault. Love can never ever be forced, they should get that
Just cut off your entire family
You did absolutely nothing wrong. He’s not your sister’s ex he was her manager at her work nothing more. He wasn’t interested in her. You even broke up with him when you found out (which honestly you shouldn’t have because NEITHER OF YOU DID ANYTHING WRONG) Both your families are extremely weird honestly to be holding this against both of you.
What was he supposed to do? Date and marry your sister who he wasn’t at all interested in?
Where you both supposed to be miserable apart instead of happily together?
No cheating happened. No stealing someone else’s partner happened. Your sister built a make-believe world/relationship in her head and everyone is supporting her living there
He needs to sit his mom down and say look her sister asked me out twice I had no interest whatsoever. Explain EVERYTHING if his family still thinks like they do you both don’t need that in your life
You have nothing to apologize for. (I’m going off you being honest and him and your sister NEVER dated or anything)
You need to take a step back from all of them. Start a life for you, your husband and your kids to be.
Fuck your entire family
There are many reasons people go low to no contact with family. You have not ruined anything, it’s your family members doing it all.
If mine or my husbands family openly admitted they hated me, that would be the end of me trying to have a relationship with them. As for cooking everything with an allergy food, thats plain nasty. Sounds like a lot of oxygen theives.
Fake story, fake account but entertaining read.
Both family’s are absolute trash and if you want to live a peaceful life and show your daughter what love and family looks like you will not expose her to either sets of family’s. Focus on what’s important, you have a husband that loves you and a daughter who more than likely thinks you’re her world.
Huh? She has a crush and he said no. It’s not like they dated, everybody needs to get real, do not destroy your marriage over this nonsense!
You did nothing wrong. Stop blaming yourself
You are not wrong! Both your families and your sister are selfish and delusional! The man turned your sister down twice and never had any chance he would change his mind!
I understand it’s hard to deal with everyone’s negativity and pressure, but you can’t just give up for everyone else and their feelings! You are married and have children, so you have your own, new, loving family!
If you were to end things, not saying you will, then your sister and families will win! They will win a game they are playing out of spite, misguided anger and quite frankly stupidity! To try to break two people apart with a child, never speak to them and never have your daughter in their lives is absolutely EVIL and DISGUSTING!
You married the person you were meant to be with! You have wonderful child with this man! Continue to put your thoughts and efforts into that and stop focusing and thinking about what your family is doing and thinking! You, your husband and your daughter are all that matter now!
When we marry and say our vowes we are to separate from our family and become one with our spouse and future children! That doesn’t mean to stop seeing them or having them in your lives, but it does mean they don’t influence you, don’t have an opinion any longer and it’s as much up to them to maintain the relationship as you!
Don’t let them win and pressure you to do something desperate to win their approval and love! They lost that privilege the day they first acted against you two! Your families have deep seated mental issues and are irrational! They are unable to see love comes first and they should honor your commitment to your husband and child!
Since your sister doesn’t understand she never had a snowballs chance in hell of dating this guy, it’s on her to fix herself, get some help for her problems and up to her to come to you to fix things! That goes for everyone behind the hate!
They don’t deserve a relationship with you! Let them stew in their own anger, hate, jealousy and narcissism! They can be miserable if they want all by themselves! They are adults and so are you! Your husband and daughter obviously make you happy and your husband obviously loves you and stands with you before anyone else! I mean he is willing to cut ties with his family if it means staying with you!
You have to work through your mindset and let go of the dream that all our family should be one big unit and share laughs and love! Most don’t! Mine didn’t! It ended up like yours! I dealt with it, worked past my own anxiety and depression over it and learned to accept it and love myself and focus all my energy on my marriage!
You can do the same! It has been long enough! The fact they have no willingness to end their delusion just to see their grandchildren and nieces/nephews is enough to put them aside and move on with your life! They are toxic, full of anger and want to make you feel the same! That’s not family! That’s what you call an ENEMY!
So sorry you have to deal with this! Hope this helps! Please keep us posted!
There are a lot of red flags here. Why would his family be mad?
On the face of it, you’ve done nothing wrong.
Regrettably, if so many are against you, then there is likely a valid reason for those feelings.
What the fuck. You didn’t know he was her crush, he rejected her twice. His mom could have killed you. You didn’t step on hearts, you, a single adult, married and built a family with the man you love. Fuck all these people, this is the most selfish behavior I’ve ever heard of.
I would never speak to any of these people again. Also don’t let MIL around your daughter. If she’s willing to literally poison you, she is not a safe person, and at best will fill your daughter’s head with a lot of “your mom is a bad person” (when you’re not!)
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. You seem like such a kind person who cares a lot for other people’s feelings. But please know you are fully in the right. Do not let the real snakes poison your marriage because of their delusional jealousy.
Everyone you know except your husband/daughter is out of their fucking mind. Holding on to a grudge that doesn’t involve them whatsoever.
Leave the haters behind and focus on YOUR family now.
If you didn’t know it means you didn’t do that to snatch your sister’s crush . If your mom n family don’t talk to you then not only because of that it’s just they don’t like you . If they are disrespectful then you can be disrespectful to them . Sometimes I ask myself why in all the stories I read on Reddit if people scold oneself why don’t they scold more . If they called you a snake then you should call them much worse . I actually do that it’s freeing . You don’t need their attention or time they aren’t your family
Cut them all off. Total block, you don’t need that level of negativity in your life. None of them deserve any relationship with your daughter either.
Anytime other people are involved in 2 peoples love they will find ways to minipulate and turn everyone against each other and potentially break up what you had, not only that but when and if it all breaks off the people involved will never as
It any wrongdoing and will feel justified and lay blame on everything else it’s human nature I have observed this dozens and dozens of times in friends/family/ family friends / strangers etc and even on my very own life, when you have love it’s same as
Money keep it to yourself , if you want to involve others than your money will not be yours for long
Your entire family and his are complete morons.
No, you’re not the villain, and neither is he.
He was never interested in your sister, and you never knew he was your sister’s crush.
I recommend that you go no contact with his family.
Plz love and enjoy the family that the 2 of you have made,don’t subject your child to this delusional crap.
Neither of you did anything wrong.
Family is the people who are there for you,blood just makes you a relative.
Plz update us saying that the 2 of you have chosen to go no contact with his family also.
Updateme!
If all what you said on the first part’s true then you’re not at fault here.
Even if you didn’t marry him, he won’t be with your sister. He rejected her, TWICE. It shouldn’t be taken against you.
Just go no contact. You don’t need such toxic and hateful people in your life. Also,you and your husband did nothing wrong. Your parents and sister qre delusional and your in-laws are foolish to trust them over you…
Is this real? This is crazy
No disrespect but your family sounds absolutely horrible. I can’t imagine growing up with these people. For a mother to tell their child they hate them because of some perceived betrayal that never even existed is absolutely insane. The story sounds almost like it’s not even real but knowing some dysfunctional people I absolutely believe this.
I had a friend from college who was jealous of me and my GF because “I saw her first” even though he REFUSED to talk to her when we all met one another at an event which lead to us getting together.
But because he had a string of relationships that went nowhere and ours lasted he held onto this nonsense of I “took” his girl. When once again he himself admits he was too shy to talk to her.
Everyone but you in this are the villains… if this is all accurate! Please, just cut everyone off. You and your child are better off without them… trust me. All you’re doing is damage to yourself and your daughter when socializing with this dynamic!
What?! It’s not like you stole the man away from her! She never even had him! He was never interested and you didn’t even know who he was at that time!
Both of your families are fucking crazy! Take that as a sign to stay away from them and count it as a blessing! How toxic and disgusting of these people! The fact that yall are over here blaming yourselves is even worse! Live your lives and raise your daughter, keep away from crazies.
Ya know… I choose who I want to be in my life, and decided I’ll be damned if I give up my own happiness based on what others think or want.
My husband and I have been together for 8 years and married for 5.5 years. He actually used to date my ex-husband’s sister from 2011 – 2014 for 2.5 yrs until she broke up with him. My ex and I finally divorced in Sept 2016 because he had multiple affairs over the entirety of our 10 year marriage.
Ran into my current husband a year later in 2017, and hadn’t seen him since ex-SIL and him broke up. We hit it off immediately. My ex husband could have cared less and wanted to see me happy, but the rest of his family? Holy crap… you’d think I had stolen him from my ex-SIL and shattered her heart. I’d even spoken to ex-SIL in person and told her about it and originally she was ok with it until she changed her mind seeing us happy together. Their older brother and his wife just cut me off with no word because I “betrayed the family.” Ex-MIL asked for space (permanently) even though I was still a significant support for her at that time. It saddened me greatly, but I realized I’d already sacrificed 10 years of happiness in my last marriage. I wasn’t going to lose out on that opportunity.
So if both sides of your family are ridiculous over it… limit contact and focus on the happiness of your new family. Yall don’t need the toxicity.
Is there something you’re leaving out because I don’t get it? 🤨. Why would they (excluding your sister, maybe) all hate you for that?
I love that you want to be self-aware enough to admit you are the villain here, but you are just… not.
1. You started to date him without knowing it was him
2. You broke it off with him after you had learnt that
I could understand hard feelings from your sister after not knowing -> learning -> staying. But you broke up with him for her, and she still didn’t forgive you for what exactly? Dating someone who for you was a random guy?
You need to separate your daughter from this toxicity, and he needs to really lay it down for his family that they. never. dated.
But also, it WAS weird for your husband to know you are related to the girl he rejected twice and not mention it early on.
You are being way too hard on yourself, your sister didn’t have a claim ticket for your husband and I have no idea what your mum is talking about.
In-laws can be weird so they can be forgiven for their crazy attitudes. You need to lose the guilt complex you’ve developed, it’s them not you guys
Oh honey, this is so abnormal and your family is just awful. In my friend group a lot of us dated each other’s crushes especially if it was one-sided. It’s just part of being in your teens and 20s. Your husband wasn’t even a boyfriend. He was just a crush a one-sided crush. I think your husband should sit down with both of those families and find out exactly what your sister said because what they are doing does not match up with your story. I would definitely check because your sister may have wildly exaggerated their non-relationship.
Made up telenovela tale.
Your families are not normal so is your husband. He hide that truth from you just to get married you.
This cannot be real. There has to be something not being said or admitted to. Because your family is one thing. HIS family being mad about a girl that he was never in a relationship in, and they don’t even know that well? Bs. Everyone straight up believing this is insane. There is no way that this is a real story, and if it is it isn’t truthful. You broke it off with him for a year knowing your family disliked the relationship, then got back together and married him when again, you know your family would disagree with it. It makes no sense. The only thing I believe is the dog’s name and the allergy thing because for some reason, people do that to people they hate. If it is completely real, then everyone is insane.
This is fake. Nice writing exercise though