Hello, I am an autistic person, still in school, diagnosed with borderline personality disorder by my psychiatrist. My whole life I've been alone, and it's not like I wasn't trying, in fact I am the most social not social person you can meet. Convents, sports (I was doing horse ridding and representing my club, so a lot people that were in the business knew of me in my region), those cute book clubs in libraries in town, volunteering in multiple ways, hell I even tried internet and here I am again on Reddit like a loser spilling my heart out, but no friends in years. My last friendship ended when I was like ten (btw a long time ago). I'm not really that bad at social cues in my opinion, I know how to respond to emotions, I know how to act and walk like a human, and I know the basics of manipulation, so I don't think the problem is in communication. I am the kind of person that tries to think from all the perspectives and feelings and I do care about people when I try to make friends with them, but there is something in me I call the "two meetings rule", after the person meets me two times they will either ghost me or straight up hate me in the face, don't get me wrong, I don't hope for that and I do not put myself in that mindset, but it just happens, it's hard not to notice the pattern after the fiftieth time. What do I do wrong? How do you do it? How come thirteen year olds have connections of a final mafia boss and I'm putting myself out there like a friendship wh*re and people won't even talk to me if I pay them (I DO NOT DO THAT)? I'm never mean, I'm mindful of my words, try not to argue about their views while still having my own and being able to have deep conversations.
Which fairy dust should I buy? Which manual did you get that I apparently missed?
Excuse my typos, I'm from Poland, English is my third language.