I’m in my early 20s Im male 23 yo, and lately I’ve been thinking a lot about how fast time goes.
I often see older people saying they wish they had done things differently worked less, traveled more, taken care of their health, or treated people better.
For those of you over 30, what are the things you wish you had done (or not done) when you were younger, so you wouldn’t have regrets now?
I’d really appreciate some honest advice from men who have already gone through that phase of life.
35 comments
Don’t compare yourself to others.
Whether that’s friends, work colleagues, neighbours or the losers on Instagram.
Manage that and things will go better.
Change their perspective to realize that life is a journey and things should be viewed as learning opportunities rather than things to regret.
I’m sure everyone has regrets no matter what path they take. Life is all about balance, work as hard as you play. Take riskier financial/career decisions earlier as it’s easy to recover from and you have less to lose.
Nothing. You’re going to have things you look back on and wish you did differently. That’s life. It’s okay.
Learn from your mistakes.
Never understood why people say they wish they worked less or traveled more. Both require you to be very good at budgeting and saving, which is what most don’t do. Also it’s crazy how so many live in a city with so much to offer and yet never do any it, as if traveling to a different country would change any of that. Just live your life and accept what you do and don’t do when you get to that stage of “regret”
Invest early. Start an IRA, you can put like $7k a year in one by yourself – compound interest is a hell of a thing. Even if you can manage like $100/mo if you start in your early 20s, it’s going to make a HUGE difference later in life.
Dont spend your life regretting and looking back. You’re not going that way. Put the energy into fixing your future.
Learn from your mistakes and move forward.
Problem with these questions is that you can essentially reverse all advice you hear.
The kid who studied all day and night in college probably should’ve gone to a few parties they kid who partied all college probably should’ve gone to the library more etc.
Everyone’s advice is going to be based off that bias.
There’s very few truth life outside of being healthy, disciplined finances, and good relationships.
Get fit at least once in your life. It’s a shame for A person to die never having seen what their body is capable of
– work hard now. And invest in your future
– have friends with good values and goals.
– take care of your health and grow good habits now.
– alcohol and drugs and fast girl are fun, but are likely to fuck up your life,
– Spend time with your family,
– date for keeps, not just for sex and fun.
Health is the key area that I have seen regrets that is majority under your control. Maintain your fitness, be wise about chemical inputs.
Don’t live your life for other people, live life for yourself. Set your own goals, find your dreams, and stick to those. DO NOT change your goals or dreams for anyone, especially a woman. If you have a life that you enjoy, stick with it. Find someone that complements your life, not someone that wants to change it.
Don’t put much stock into what other people think. Be proud of who you are, and love yourself. Once you get to the point of looking in the mirror and loving who you see, you’ve made it. If you don’t love who you see, find out why that is and make it happen.
We aren’t here for a long time, but we’re here for a good time. Be well brother.
I wish I had learned to say no earlier. I was often the one who had a little bit of money to dig people out of little financial scrapes. It was generally not a lot at any given time, but it added up. Being that person led me to make some stupid decisions that I’m working to undo now.
On one hand, I can’t unspill the milk and I’m not spending all my time wishing I could change the past. On the other hand lessons learned are a good thing.
I don’t regret being devoted to my work, it’s what feeds us and houses us and clothes us, it allowed us to give back to our home country, send kids to college, etc.
I try to live for others, to promote comfort and happiness and harmony in my family. If they are happy, I am fulfilled.
Having said that, everyone is different.
Think of what is important to you, rank and prioritize and then do it or work towards it. Some people value leisure over accomplishment, others are the opposite. Whatever it is, think long term, sometimes a short term goal can impede a more important long term goal.
I like this quote from Jiro dreams of sushi:
Once you have decided on your occupation, you must immerse yourself in your work. You have to fall in love with your work. Never complain about your job. You must dedicate your life to mastering your skill. That’s the secret of success and the key to being regarded honorably. – Jiro Ono
Always be kind. Resist the urge to do the wrong thing.
Floss, stretch, and keep that pelvic floor tight.
When in doubt, doing is less likely to give your regrets than not doing.
Stay out of debt. Live within your means.
Invest. Pay yourself first.
Don’t care about what other people think of you. Nobody really cares. You shouldn’t either.
Start investing every spare cent you have into an index fund. You will have many many many monies later in life.
Try to find purpose of you life, I am struggling with it too, I can’t live with passion, I don’t want to do things which brings peace or happiness, doesn’t matters whether is longterm or shorterm because I don’t even know whether I want that, and let’s say If I do want that, then what is that thing which will bring that to me, building buisness? Concentrating power and wealth ? Having sex with hottest women? idk?
I am on a journey, hope fully I will find my purpose soon, and once I figure it out, anything which doesn’t align with that end goal is just distraction, and spending time on distraction would be the only thing which will end up as regret, and I’ll not do it, I don’t think when an individual has a direction in life it would be tough to resist those demons.
As someone who is 36, married and switching careers (back in school) here are my top 3 life advice:
1. Live for yourself. If you friends, family, gf, bf are holding you back, dump them. Keep only those who move you forward, and covet those relationships.
2. Doubting yourself happens. Pursue that goal anyway. You are worthy of any title. Work hard for it.
3. Do things alone. Be comfortable spending time with yourself. Don’t seek validation/inclusion.
Live your life in a way that your future self would be proud of.
If you’re buying a house or condo, buying in an area with good public schools is a good idea. I did not and was underwater on my house when I needed to sell.
Always try to improve your skill set in your field. In my specific case, it’s the difference between me being highly regarded system analyst and a CIO.
As others have stated, start saving for retirement. Index funds are your friend.
If you’re in shape, stay that way. If you’re out of shape, get in shape now. It’s easier when you’re young. I say this as someone who has battled weight issues for 40 years.
If you have soft skills, people skills, continue to hone them. If you don’t have them, try to work on them.
If you think you need therapy, get it.
If you think you like a girl (or guy), then ask them out. Worst they can say is no.
I regret gaming away my 20s not getting my degree sooner or working sooner, not learning more. I hate myself for all of those things and for the mental illness that plagues me to this day as a result of gaming. Don’t be like me, I don’t wish this on my enemies.
avoid getting too deep into debt.
Brush your fucking teeth
Accept that you will have regrets and just do the best you can with what you have.
Save money and invest. Develop healthy habits with your diet and exercise. If you hate your job, just quiet quit instead of burning bridges.
Be yourself in relationships. Like fully yourself. Don’t be afraid your partner/friends might not like some part of you, if they don’t then they are not for you. If you stay in a relationship that you’re not yourself in, it will build resentment inside of you over time and it will be doomed to either fail or be miserable.
Don’t waste your time in a relationship that your gut is telling you isn’t right. The worst decisions in life are the ones where your gut is telling you something and you convince yourself otherwise
Don’t get defensive if your partner doesn’t like something you do and tries to talk to you about it. Actually listen and take it in before you respond. They probably aren’t saying these things to hurt you but to build a stronger connection
Take better care of your teeth and overall oral health. Whatever you’re doing, do more
Save more. Don’t make drunk choices. Sleep on big decisions. Network more. Don’t overdo it on drugs and alcohol. Prioritize the important over the urgent. Learn to say no to bullshit but anyways do your fair share of the good stuff.
1. health
2. save money, invest, live below your means
3. learn about attachment and understand for yourself how to allow life to flow through you. don’t resist, trust the universe.
4. do not ignore joy, seek it out, stay open to it
5. be kind
Forget about investing in crypto and get rich quick schemes.
Invest in your own career. A real career with a good job market. Sacrifice what is necessary to obtain this.
I lost the love of my life and my twenties to my career. But I’m now looking at contracts for very high six figures in my field.
Career is forever, love and friends are temporary.
Back in my early 30s I went to Edinburgh for the first time and spent hours late at night deciding whether or not to go to the kebab shop down the street because I had six drams of whisky and couldn’t sleep from the long flight. I didn’t go get the kebab. I still regret not getting the kebab.
You probably have too much answer to read already but i’ll answer anyway.
Not sure how experienced you are with romance/sex. If someone rejects you, give up now. Pinning for the person for months, showing how serious you are and how much you love them is for rom com. It doesnt work in real life. There’s some women who’ll do it as a test… they aren’t worth your time. They like mind games and will later do tests like pretending she’s pregnant or she cheated to see if you react the right way. I wasted way too much time like that.
Always pay your credit card fully at the end up of the month. Period. ( well dont go to loan sharks to pay it). The interest rates is ridiculously high. Just get a loan at the bank instead or student loans ( make sure they can’t sell the debt to someone else if you’re in a place like the US) Very glad i always did pay it.
Don’t get debts! Obviously if you buy a house, you’ll get a mortgage and not everyone can pay the car or studies cash. But make sure you dont get something above your means. And if you get a house, don’t just out the minimum down. In Canada you avoid having to buy an insurance if you get 20% of the down. And it’s 20% that doesnt have interest on. ( i had 75k down out of 153k 15 years ago. Paiements were super small)
If you manage to do some sports/excercice, never stop. It’s extremely hard to start again. ( did karate for 10 years then broke my streak for university. Never managed to exercice regularly again)
Think about if you really want children or not. More chances to avoid the heartbreak of dating someone incompatible. It’s better to regret not having children then regret having them and be miserable. Cause the child will suffer from it. ( i’m happily childfree ) If you dont want children, consider a vasectomy instead of risking an accident. Mine was less painfull then a standard cleaning appointment at the dentist. The equivalent of blue balls for 1-2 days and low efforts for a week.