Having a social life outside drinking

I've been realising lately that most of my social life depends on alcohol. When I’m sober, I don’t really feel like talking to people. I can be polite, make small talk if I have to, but I rarely want to. I skip family gatherings, avoid plans, and tell myself I’m tired or not in the mood, when in reality I just don’t feel comfortable being around people without a drink in me.

When I do drink, though, I feel like a completely different person. I loosen up. I talk, laugh, make friends, and actually enjoy myself. It feels easy. I become the version of me that I wish I could be all the time. I only drink once a week, but that one night ends up being the highlight of my week. I’ll look forward to it, because I know I’ll finally get to feel social again.

I know it’s normal to feel more relaxed or outgoing after a few drinks. It’s pretty much a universal thing. But what worries me is how much I rely on that feeling now. It’s like I can’t enjoy social situations unless alcohol is involved. Regular conversations don’t give me that same spark anymore. Even when I’m at boxing and chatting to people there, I can have decent conversations and even laugh a bit, but it never feels as enjoyable as when I’m drinking.

Sometimes I wonder if alcohol has set the bar too high. Maybe I’ve gotten used to the chemical boost, and now normal interactions just feel flat. I’ve thought about quitting drinking altogether, but I’m honestly scared. I’m afraid that if I stop, my social life will disappear completely. I’ll go back to being that quiet guy who never joins in, who stands around feeling awkward and disconnected.

I don’t want to need alcohol to feel comfortable around people. I want to be able to go out, talk, and actually enjoy it for what it is. I just don’t know how to get there yet. But I know I can’t keep depending on drinking to feel alive.