It took me way too long to figure this out but most of the time when someone shares a problem they’re not looking for you to fix it they just want to feel understood. I used to jump straight into problem solving mode the second someone opened up to me. If a friend said they were stressed about work I’d immediately start offering strategies or tips. I thought I was being helpful but really I was missing what they needed. Lately I’ve been trying something different: instead of offering advice right away I just pause and say something like “that sounds really hard” or “I can see why that would bother you” Sometimes I’ll ask “do you want advice or do you just want to vent?” It’s such a small change but it’s completely changed how people respond. They open up more. They relax. The conversation actually feels human not transactional. I was playing grizzly's quest on my phone the other night and thinking about how I used to treat conversations like challenges something to win or solve instead of just connecting. Now I’m realizing how much better it feels to just listen without trying to control the outcome.
It’s weird how such a small shift like empathy before advice can make you feel closer to people almost instantly.