I (25m) could never do dinner parties and family gatherings. It makes me so uncomfortable. Surrounded by people I dont know, or I'm supposed to know, and you just talk… and eat… I hate it. It gives me so much anxiety, like panic attack level anxiety.
Over the years I resorted to drinking and doing drugs to make myself more social for these events.
I obviously hate other social events, like job interviews and working customer service, but I dont feel as horrible as I do for this.
The issue is now, my boyfriend is very close to his family. He invites me to their dinner parties. I try so hard. I mask. I sit thru it. I struggle to speak up in conversation but I do try.
Last week though, I broke down crying in the bathroom and had to leave early. My boyfriend (who is also autistic!) helped me calmed down but is disappointed. He says I have to get over this because he loves me and wishes to bring me to these events. He wants to share these moments with me.
I just can't do it. Whats wrong with me and how can I fix this?