I truly just want to exist as quietly and invisibly as possible, so I hate whenever someone comments on my appearance. Can’t get a haircut without someone pointing it out, can’t wear anything that isn’t a basic with someone saying something about it, etc.
I don’t mind being complimented for my personality, skill set, work ethic, etc. and those kinds of compliments even put a smile on my face, but everytime my appearance is complimented, I want to go into hiding. Why do we need to point out physical appearances?
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you can’t control what other people will notice and comment on. you can control the way you respond to it. in other words, learn to live with it. it’ll get easier with time. most things do in life.
Instead of asking why this super common and friendly gesture is so common and why can’t we just make it go away, ask yourself how can you deal with it without letting it distress you so much
Hmm… The truth is, most people will first see the appearance.
Being complimented on your appearance is not a bad thing. Have you ever wondered why it bothers you so much? Wouldn’t you genuinely congratulate someone?
You are valuable. Regardless of what you do or don’t do. Don’t take insults or compliments personally. In the end what matters is how you feel about yourself. You don’t need the approval or disapproval of others.
But in that case, if they congratulate you for that, don’t take it the wrong way. They just saw something different, and they were happy for you. Changes in looks are like the seasons, none is better than the other. Each one has its beauty. And it’s nice to know how to recognize it.
I hate it too, and because I’m mixed people always ask me questions abiut what I am and such. Its beyond rude.
I’m asking you for a real problem.
After reading I’m guessing that you’re a beautiful person. Being beautiful is harder than most people realize. It’s like a curse that you carry with you everywhere you go. Everyone sees someone who gets whatever they want because of looks but deep down underneath it can be quite the opposite. I understand the way you feel on a personal level. Eventually, you will become good at masking your emotions. Certain friends secretly hating on you and your connections always having something to say. These are only very simple examples of what individuals who are constantly commented in a positive way about their looks are dealing with.
Because like it or not physical appearance is the first thing everyone notices about someone. Yourself included.
I feel the exact same way. Unfortunately, I think it means we have insecurities about our appearances to think we’re not worthy of receiving compliments about them. I agree that our appearances aren’t the most important thing about us compared to our personalities, ethics, etc., and I also think it’s rather shallow to focus on how people look, but when people compliment you they’re trying to be kind and boost your confidence. Your looks are the first thing people notice about you, so of course people are going to point out the changes. It’s good to develop confidence in how you look even if it’s not the most important thing about you.
Why does it bother you so much? Why do you want to be so invisible to everyone? Most people who are not good looking would happily trade appearance to be noticed by others. To be fair most people lump ones efforts to look appealing to society as your appearance whether that’s makeup, clothes, hair or grooming. Recognize you have a gift most people would kill for and appreciate it.
I feel the exact same way. A resting bitch face doesnt work either.
you value being seen for your character and abilities instead. The tendency to comment on appearance often stems from a superficial social habit intended to be friendly, but you’re right to feel that it completely misses the essence of who you are. You absolutely have the right to prefer compliments that acknowledge your inner qualities and the effort you put into your work.
You wanna be complimented about your personality, but gets annoyed about something trivial as getting complimented about your appearence.
I understand how you value traits like personality and skills etc, but those take some time to recognise and appreciate for anyone. To steer the conversation away from appearance is a good option. Maybe ask for feedback on other topics instead?
I hear ya! My kids also knew I grew weary of it and switched it up for me. They always told me, “You sure look smart today!” or some variation of another characteristic that I’m actually responsible for, not just born with. I even got a beat reduction because I was tired of all the attention, like I was just alive to be gawked at. It’s exhausting. I compliment strangers all the time, but on their *choices* like dress, cologne, wit, style, smarts, etc and it makes their day.
People seem to think everyone always wants to be affirmed, noticed, and have attention when it’s so no the case. Let them admire you, say thanks, and keep knowing that your value is bigger than what they see. Decide not to take it so personally, usually it’s innocent and designed to be kind. The ones that are doing more than actually just giving a simple compliment should be able to tell you’re not motivated by flattery.
I feel you on this but this is one of those cases where it’s going to be a lot easier to learn to moderate your response than to force the entire world to change for an eccentric quirk, probably caused by insecurity about your appearance that you feel is about to get triggered by an insult after they “set you up”.
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