It feels like I am going here and there. F28 I always had less friends. Even being with people is bothersome.
That's why I don't talk to people much. It is always like I would have to do what they say and I will get disturbed.
People take advantage of me because of that , I am not able to say no. I never get angry , sometimes I say no but I ruminate later, it's stressful for me.
Sometimes I am in some urgent work and I worry about my work and someone comes and they talk and I know I need to do something else but I were not able to say no and do their things. Then I get late or my own work gets delayed I feel so betrayed and lost and gulity of myself. Sad alot. It feels like my whole system is shut. Sometimes I wish to cry. Then I ruminate and self blame. This has been happening since childhood.
Even a friend comes , say something, I get distracted, I do my work like they won't feel bothered , I hesitat to express my choices. I don't want that. I never get angry . I do get hurt but that hurt I never express. I blame myself. For that.
I always thought to say no for everything but it's stressful . More like I am doing something wrong. I get anxious if I do something like that . Then I overthink and won't be able to have a normal convo with the same person.
Any advice how to improve?
I am 28 now.