I’ve been trying to figure out what’s wrong with me socially. I’m not shy — I’ve actually approached total strangers (women) before, not in a weird or creepy way, just genuinely telling them they’re beautiful. One of them even gave me her number. So it’s not that I’m scared of people — I can talk when it’s one-on-one and the vibe is right.
But at work (I’m a part line cook – temporary job), there are a bunch of people I see almost every day — maybe around 20 of them, almost most of them are women. I don’t really work directly with most of them, but I pass by them constantly and even eat lunch with them sometimes. Still, I can’t seem to talk to them freely. I always want to start a real conversation, but it never happens. All I can manage is a smile or a quick “hey, how are you?” It feels forced, and the words just don’t come naturally.
The funny thing is, with certain people, I can talk completely naturally. They’re just easygoing, friendly, and make conversation feel effortless. But with others, I feel like there’s this invisible wall — I’m on alert, trying to be normal, and end up feeling awkward.
It’s been like this forever. Back in college, people who saw me around campus thought I was quiet or strange, but in class — once I got comfortable — I was talkative, funny, and full of energy. People were actually shocked to see that side of me. It’s like I’m two completely different people — almost bipolar in a way. With my classmates or people I spend time with, I’m chill, confident, and social. But with people I don’t spend much time around, I come off as quiet or introverted.
I’ve realized my confidence depends way too much on the environment. When I feel emotional safety or friendliness, I open up completely. But in cold, neutral settings, I can’t. It’s like my real self gets stuck inside me. I hate that people never really get to see who I actually am.
Has anyone else experienced this — being totally capable of connection, but only when the situation or person makes it easy first?